Checking in. 46 days sober. I’ll stay sober today too. Have a great day everyone. 
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Checking in day 143 AF 
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- Sober and happy. Have had a cold for 3 days so no exercise and I am frustrated. Fingers crossed that tomorrow I will wake up ready to hit the gym. It’s such a funny change to feel agitated because I cannot work out, but I like it.
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114 days AF yeahj
Sober and prepared for the key user test tomorrow. So let’s get the party started lol.
Tonight I had been at a very “out in nowhere” outdoor pool, which was not bad, but short 25m lane. Relaxing anyway. 90 lanes something
No cravings (not alcohol, not food, not dramatic things with guys). Healing.
Overthinking a thing.
I have 2 appointments in the city where I lived before, next week. It’s a 30-40 minute drive and I would love to combine this with a swim in my favorite outdoor round there. Where is the problem? The thing is, this is the outdoor pool where I got 2 know the “pool guy” I had 2 summers with. Long story short he was not treating me as I deserve and yeah maybe he was just not interested in me (just in my body and in taking me as a nice accessoire aka training partner)… He played a hot cold game and many things more. I was so down and confused that I had physical symptoms (inflammation) and several relapses last summer. When I moved, I told him, that I moved to my new boyfriend. A lie. Silence. No contact. Even in my head… By moving away.
Now I just want to joyn this pool when I am round there these 2 days…
Thinking it would realy be shit to meet him, cause it would reactivate this shit.
I wouldn’t text him that I will be there anyway.
So, maybe he is not there at all!
Cause he is a lazy…!
Anyway, why should I forbid myself to go there, just because of this person?!!!
I know, it’s complicated, analytical overthinking.
Comments welcome (some of you know the story 
)
Love you guys 
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I’m 16 days sober today. Slipped up on cinco de mayo but it’s okay, we bounce back and come back stronger and in a snap 🫰🏻 I’m over 2 weeks sober again and plan on keeping it strong until the end of may and begin June sober. Stay strong sober community! And keep pushing.
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Hi everybode, checking in on Day 53 AF whoop whoop 
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I wouldn’t go to that pool. Then again, part of my diagnosis is avoidant PD. 
.
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Day 83 - uno mas!
Ways that animals cheer you up when you really need it
Don’t they always? And sometimes they weren’t even trying.
So I’m feeling all wrecked from insomnia this morning, feeling down like it will never end, and I’ll never work or have fun ever again…ahhh, better go get in the tub. Quick. It always steadies me. I am really glad I did. Because I needed the soak. So I was sitting there kinda mopey ….and suddenly the loudest turkey gobble ever ripped through the air. It echoed across the room and even rattled the windows a bit due to the acoustics l! 
Yes, my weird, lame, lone wild backyard turkey was standing, at most, 5 feet from the master bath window on the outside. Sounded like it was insane chuckling plugged into an amplifier. I laughed so hard I cried. I needed to hear something that ridiculous!
I felt a little better and started enjoying the day more. Worked part of an everlasting puzzle in the living room, and while I was puzzling I could hear the snore of the cat. It sounded exactly like a trombone! The acoustics were perfect, again! Between two of my creatures, I’ve lightened up and enjoyed my day. I’m sober today and had a good laugh. The other stuff isn’t worth getting upset over. I’ll get through . Thanks you goofy animals!
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Checking in at evening.
I was outside and I decided to go to abandoned graveyard called cemetery of fools which we have here in Prague. I’ve always wondered how it is to be in that place, at the end it’s very mysterious. And well! It is. But not in bad meaning. More like mysterious in comfortable way. Maybe becase I am as well fool, haha. The vibes from place were really calm and I heard a lot of birds singing. But as well when I needed to go on land because there wasn’t a road I felt very uncomfortable. Lound was unusually very soft. As well I heard like someone’s walking, especially when I was a bit longer time - the “funny” part was that in that moment absolutely no one was there and any kind of animals wouldn’t do these sounds. Still wondering what was that. Some ghost decided to have a little trip and meet me? Who knows. 
But it makes me feel to come back very much. I will just try to not go on the soft part of lound which isn’t a road heh. And next time I need to bring with myself more sweets. I have rule for myself that whenever I enter graveyard, I need to give someone or put somewhere sweets as apologize for everyone in graveyard. Usually after that makes me feel like I’m welcomed.
I didn’t make so much photos because there wasn’t so much to take photos of and as well I was more enjoying that I was there. Need to mention that nature next to the graveyard is very, very beautiful.
When I arrived home, my mood was kind of meh. It is still. I feel like I can’t stand my partner and I hate this feeling, but as well I understand why I do have this feeling. My partner whole time as well was talking to me casually as she does with her face that nothing happened. I hope tomorrow she won’t start arguing about psych ward / rehab and that she can do her addiction by herself (which she absolutely cannot, I saw that) and other things which person usually says when ir comes to something changing in life.
And now good night. Have nice dreams.
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@lighter I am sorry the insomnia is being such a bitch and nothing seems to be helping. Have you discussed with your doctor? Possibly something more going on then just sleep issues due to early sobriety. Sending you loads of sleepy vibes and hoping that you are able to get some quality sleep soon. LOL love that the animals around you have brought you joy and laughter. 
@sabrina80 You are amazing girl – 600 days and going strong. Always so lovely to see you popping in. Hope you are doing well. 
@chase.e.u Way to go Chase. 2 months and crushing it… keep up the fantastic work
@butterflymoonwoman thanks Dana – I did manage to lay down for a few hours – no sleep but at least let my body rest. Glad you were able to start your day with a connection to your HP. Much love
@rob11 wow that sounds lovely – love the theme too. Hope you have a wonderful experience.
@leveller great work on your sobriety! Day 2 So sad to hear about the child. How devastating. I do hope you and everyone else stays safe 
@noshame Man those are impressive numbers. Do you know what has changed today to cause the intense cravings. Sometimes they come out of nowhere for no reason and other times we can pin point the trigger. Just think of all the times you have given into the cravings and felt like shit immediately. None of this offers a release that your mind is imagining. Stay strong friend. Hope that you were able to find a way to stay distracted and fight off the urges.
@timetochange Sending hugs and positive energy – hope you are able to get work out of the flat mood
@Leroy WOOT WOOT – way to go with your 60 days – keep up the amazing work
@james83 Nicely done James – 70 days and going strong. I do hope that you are able to rest and kick this cold out
You guys are amazing – keep putting in that solid effort and stacking up the days
Not feeling so hot so relaxing in my room. Cant sleep but don’t have energy to do anything so hoping to just veg with the tv.
Much love to all
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Way to go with preparing for a possible trigger. I don’t think the guy will be there but in case he is i do think the interaction would be triggering. He is not worth it AT ALL. You have come so far but still need time to gain distance from him. I would not go to the pool at this time. As you get stronger in your sobriety you will be able to go and deal with possibly meeting him. For now I think it would be too risky. I would not see this as avoidance but a healthy way to keep away from triggers till you are more secure with the situation
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Not doing good rn
My Mom would have been 83 today
Have a friend currently in ICU w/ 2 cancers
Another friend who’s a widow - 2yr anniversary
My best friend had a co-worker OD
Pastor’s son OD few weeks ago
I’m headed to San Diego this weekend to see my SB, x-wife and my x-gf. Talk about depressed and jacked up…I feel so empty atm……
10 days till my 1 year
Why? What’s the use? Is it worth it…really? Everyone else seems to do it just fine. Life is short. Why am I wasting all this effort and energy being clean when the world truly does not GAF.
So why should I….
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Heyy jazz
I really dont know what triggered it. Prob unorganization and exhounstion and irritability.
I dont know why but ive been waking up most mornings feeling like i just cant take on the day. Because of this i wake uo 2hours early, take my meds and do my chores for the first hour then fall asleep for the other hour until my meds kick in. I just cant take on the day until my meds kick in and i hate depending on that.
I wonder if nicotine can effect my chemical imbalance that my meds are for. Like nicotine can set off dopamine and maybe lack of nicotine mean lack of dopamine. Maybe ive been medicaly using nicotine to jump start my day
I feel much better then i did earlier today when i was craving. I soaced iut and took my as needed meds directly as perscribed and i drank lots of fluid other then coffee. Ginger ale and seltzer water mostley
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Sending you so much love and comfort friend. Going through a ton of emotional stuff and I’m sorry for that. On top of that you are coming close to your 1year …thatvbu itself has people questioning sobriety. Don’t give up or give in. Drinking/ drugging really does not offer any good release. Here for you Chris. Lean on us…talk to us…keep fighting the good fight. 
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Something ive learned being the goody goody guy for so long in a world like mine us…
…todays world just shts on the nice guy
But then again i have a amazing life with a beautiful wife and son. I dont care if im sht on for the rest of my life as long as im next to these 2
Depression is prob the toughest mental obstacle out there. And thats comming from a diagnosed schizophrenic
A schizophrenic is confused
Depression is a void
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I totally get the need for nicotine to jump start the day. I honestly didn’t know how id function without it and believe me the beginning was not easy. It DOES get easier…you will find that you will be much better without it. Maybe also talk to your doctor to see if a change in meds may help? Maybe take it at night to start the day off better? Just know that weed in any form will not help anything. You have come this far and I know you can continue to soldier on
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2y3m10d
Today hasnt been great, ill be honest. A good thing that happened tho was that i wasnt charged for not showing up to my sons appt bcuz my son turned out to be ill today. Sore throat, runny nose etc. I couldnt take him out in the rain when hes already sick 
I have been preoccupied mentally with food today. I havent caved yet (and hopefully i wont) but ya the thought of wanting to binge is there. Ive also had thoughts of using. So today has been tough. But… it would be alot tougher if i binged or used drugs. So gotta play that tape to the end!!
Not much else to report. Just wanna be successful today and stay true to myself when it comes to food. Overeating/binging have been the struggle since i got clean and sober. So will do my best to stay on track today 
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