Checking in, day 1. Yes, I relapsed, drank wine and smoked weed for three days. Now I’m back at the start. Feeling like shit and ashamed. Now i just to get back on the saddle and start to work on my sobriety. I have a solid plan and this time I’ll make it work. ODAAT.
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@CATMANCAM Thanks, man. I feel you on the Xmas shopping. Money is tight right now. We do Secret Santa with the family every year, so it saves us some bucks. We also do our shopping at discount stores like Ross and Five & Below. My mom and sisters are also big on brands and such. They get a Michael Kors purse every year. I love them, but I am not buying $500 purses. I’ll get myself a PS5 before buying a purse, jk. Hang in there. Cool numbers. Keep putting in the work.
@Rockstar24777 Congrats on your promotion and welcome back.
@LittleMissLaura Good to see you back and posting.
Day 1128 AF
Wud up, gang.
Busy morning. Did laundry at the laundromat. Went for a walk. Deep cleaned the car. The wifey and the little man went to a classmate’s bday party. I stayed home with my eldest. I’m not doing much right now. Gonna exercise and then watch a show.
I hope everyone’s doing well. Take care. ODAAT 
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@JP123 lovely post Jennifer. So grateful to see you completing day 2 of sobriety 
. Good to see you setting up boundaries and looking out for your mental health. I know it’s tough to set boundaries with family. You are doing great!!
@PositiveThoughts Happy belated birthday 
!! Great to hear that you enjoyed a sober celebration 
. Keep stacking up the wins
@mxelle whoop whoop!!! Way to go with your 1 week milestone 
Great to hear this. Welcome back to the sober journey David. Remember that you are not alone and we are all rooting for you
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Thank you so much! This time I won’t give up, now I feel strong, committed and confident.
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Robbie
How happy am i to read so much success for you. Am I surprised, heck no. So many people will benefit from being counselled by you.
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Awww thank you for your kind words Mélanie! 
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Made it through a rather extreme week at work, and a major project that wound up being almost without any bugs. Ended up getting all but one bug resolved by the end of the day on Friday. The last issue isn’t a show stopper, but I still want it fixed ASAP, so I can move on and feel the project is truly done.
I think I’m going to take the week of Thanksgiving off. My in-laws need my help with a small construction project at their house and getting my hands on some power tools and setting my mind on something like that is exactly what I need to come down from a difficult last several weeks at work trying to get the software upgrade project wrapped-up.
I’m clean and sober today. One year anniversary will be this Thursday. I hope to work even harder and grow even more in year two. There’s a lot I can look back on over the year and see major successes and growth, yet there’s also a lot of lulls and times I left myself open for a setback. This disease is just far to tricky and manipulative for me to let my guard down or be lazy about my recovery.
Wishing this community well, hoping everyone had a great weekend and has a wonderful week!
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Thank you!
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@SoberWalker Thanks for reminding me that movie existed. Always meant to watch it. I loved that album. Sad to see such beautiful talent taken so soon 
@Mischa84 Awe girl, I get it 
Making the decision to leave a relationship is so hard and takes alot of thought. I’ve been there thrice. Left the love of my life bc of crack(and still feel love for him 20yrs later). Then left my daughter’s father when she was 2 bc I didn’t want her to grow up seeing that abuse. Ended up with someone even worse(bc I entered the relationship drunk) that I eventually hating being around, and I too realized I only stayed so long for financial stability. It got to where I couldn’t take it anymore and decided I’d rather be poor and happy, than financially secure and miserable. Yes, money issues do cause me alot of misery, but no where near what those relationships did. Hard as each time was, I’m better off now. Sending you strength to do whatever it is you gotta do to make it thru 
Here for you
Also, glad you’re okay after that scary event 
@Rockstar24777 The last post I remember was you saying you were taking a month off technology so I wasn’t too worried, but that was a long month, buddy 
Congrats on all your achievements 
Great to see you back!
@JazzyS Others do have symptoms, but most think it’s sickness…for 3 weeks? 
Same result this morning, but my eyes and throat are still bothering me now 8 hours later. My friend and bar manager has had bloodshot, itchy eyes for 3 weeks and can’t even wear her contacts anymore(and she’s there more than me). 2 new girls mentioned their nose starts running when they come to work, or they develop a headache. I’ve mentioned it to everyone in hopes they’ll pay attention too. idk 
I’ll see how my 2 days off go.
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352 days
Drove home today and straight back into the routine. Eldest had a doc checkup then the gym and me and tge youngest went grocery shopping then picked up the dogs and went to the gym.
Kids back to school tomorrow and the wife back to work. I’ve still got a week of leave left hefore i go back to work
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Checking in on day 25. Great start into this week you all
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641
There’s been some addiction issues at work among the dishwashers and we lost 3 just this week! First, the girl I’ve driven home before who lost both her parents a year apart and is now addicted to coke. It got to the point she owes many coworkers money and was caught stealing food and supplies multiple times(bc there’s cameras everywhere, duh 
). I do feel for her tho bc she was the only one supporting her son and his abusive father. Idk what she’s gonna do now 
Next, a guy who was close to a year clean from crack, but relapsed and was kicked out of his halfway house. I remembered how happy he was telling me he was at 11 months not too long ago. Sad 
And another young boy who was homeless when he started bc his parents are addicts, was able to get an apartment since working, but could hardly make it to work bc he had to share a bike with his brother. I hope he finds somewhere closer to home before losing it again
Now, two competent dishwashers left. A boy in highschool, and the hardest working dishwasher we’ve ever had. He’s been there a couple years, but the thing is, apparently he’s a known alcoholic. Tbh, I couldn’t even tell! Which I found odd bc I’m usually pretty aware of those things, but I’ve never even smelled it on him 
This happened last night and irked me. Our pantry guy lives in the same halfway house the other guy did and has 90+ days clean from heroin. He got in an argument with said dishwasher, lost, and then started telling everyone the dishwasher was drunk, and it became this big thing. There was no reason for it. He was still doing his job, immaculately, and being his normal, helpful and optimistic self with everyone else. Just bc you have an issue with him, you gotta slander his name all over the place?! Seems hypocritical to me. Especially knowing the disease. Idk. Maybe it’s bc I’ve been in that situation more than once but was actually hammered. I stood up for him when chef asked my opinion of the situation. Just in my thoughts today.
Otherwise, all is good. Getting to bed now. Goodnight
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Checking with double digits.
I missed Church yesterday. Still not very well and didn’t want to risk it in case its not just a cold but Covid which puts the old folks at risk. It seems to be lingering, unlike a cold, with evolving symptoms. Trying not to fixate and press on. Resting as needed. Deep cleaned and moved the furniture around in the bedroom. Still some decluttering work to be done but baby steps.
I went to a She Recovers meeting for the first time. I don’t know if its for me so will go a few more times and see how I feel. I am not really an “I am woman hear me roar” type of gal. More like an “I am me hear me apologise for interupting you”. Maybe thats why I need it? I don’t know.
Husband got home after midnight and I know that because I had to leave the front door open for him and don’t really sleep until he is home. He sounded like he had fun at the gig and was telling the dog all about it. Even the poor dog came up to bed and got in with me while hubs faffed around downstairs. He is going to be hanging when he wakes up! I don’t miss that. I stopped going with him to gigs a while back and encouraged him to go with friends instead. Truth be told, I stopped going because I had to pace my drinking and not get too drunk where if I was home I could drink at my speed and pass out when I wanted to! On the plus side he now makes plans with friends and I can stay home safely drinking hot chocolate and knitting. I honestly can’t be bothered trekking all the way to London in the cold for a sweaty gig then planes, trains and automobiles-ing it home again.
Have a brilliant day sober fam.
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I’m doing my best to stay positive but today is pretty shit.
Visit with my GP who whilst being extremely disappointed that the hospital is still yet to confirm my appointment date with the neurologist, has once again outlined NO GYM WORKOUTS TO EXCEED 5KG MAX. I’m getting tired of the anxieties and uncertainties associated with this diagnosis and being unable to attend gym is certainly beginning to play a part in the deterioration of my mental health, self confidence and general positive attitude.
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Walk it out Seb. Miles and miles. It’s fantastic for your body, low impact and mentally good. Listen to an audio book. Shred down around the muscles you have so they pop. Eat protein, get sunlight.
I feel for you bro, so fucking hard what you are going thru.
But try to see options, it’s our only way to choose agency over seeing no choices and acting out on fear and despondency.
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Normality resumes after a staycation with my better half. I want to refine my goals and do a reset. I have a Live Breathwork at noon, which is absolutely perfect to start off my week with being intentional and setting a clear pathway. I cancelled my gym today as I’m in pain constantly with my period, but that will pass. I might actually go up to the gym this afternoon if the pain reduces. I would take a nice hot bath, but the balcony items are all in the bath 
. It’s a merry go round in the flat currently!
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1990
A bonus day off, not sure how that happened but I’ll take it. Just got my new home internet and TV stuff installed, relatively little stress and all seems to be working. Yay.
Wet, cold and windy week ahead. Hoping for a second interview at the possible new work place. Will contact them myself when I don’t hear from them by tomorrow. Otherwise not much to say. Life is life.
Let’s have as good a day as we all can friends. I will. Sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Pic is a Jay as seen from my desk. Love.
@Seb I totally agree with Tragic. Keep going. Sorry for the hard times friend. Do things you can do. Hugs.
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I know the feeling @Seb , can’t do much myself either and that affects my mood a lot. What helps me a bit is journaling and distraction. Hope you will find your way in this
☆ Day 2253 
Had a good day yesterday. Went to “my” tree with my hubby and oldest son and his girlfriend. In the wheelchair ofcourse.
It was cold, but it made me feel alive. In the evening we dare to sit outside in our garden beneath a blanket with a fire burning. It was cozy. It rained hard but we sat dry and warm with snacks and good compagny. And without alcohol my morning is clearheaded too although I slept crappy
Today? Small housechores and try to read some of my book.
Have a good day ore night all
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I’m really sorry that you’re having to wait, I can only imagine how frustrating it is. I’ve been thinking about you each day and hoping for the best for you. I’m glad that you’re able to do some things.
Do you still have a lot of the symptoms that you had when you went in to get checked?
You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel like it, I understand that, I was just curious.
Thinking about you and hoping the appointment will come up sooner than later.
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Only just saw that Jay on the tree in your picture. It’s one of my top five UK birds. I remember walking in Cannock Chase when I was really little and my grandfather showing me my first Jay, it felt magical. He taught me mostly everything I knew about birds and at a young age I could name all the water birds like a budding ornithologist. I’ve seen two this week quite close up. I feel my grandfather in them deeply and it gives me joy. They really are a special bird.
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