This is Tien Sien and this peak is named Ala-too Mushuk…mountain of the snow leapard. It’s one of my favorite places to hike up to. Is about 15,000 ft 
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You’re doing the things
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Is an interesting read. I looked some other things up to read about it. Makes me want to do a pole to see how many of us have this same issue
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Happy Saturday!
Busy day today and I get to do it without a hangover. Teaching regular classes, then a couple special needs classes, then we have a holiday event here at the school.
I am truly blessed to he able to help people with what I do.
Make it an awesome day my friends!!
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247 days sober
Had an ideal and relaxing Saturday here. Instead of a morning hike I took the horse out for some time. It was a nice change up from my usual hiking routine. Did my chores and then relaxed with a friend drinking tea and playing games. Baked lemon lavender scones and made daal for dinner. Then had an hour of sauna/bathing time and came home very relaxed, clean and tired. Think I’ll go to bed early tonight.
Was one of those relaxing and light days. I’m grateful for those.
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I’ve been trying to think back to when that mindset started. It’s something I’ve recognized for a long time and is on my long list of things to work on with the hope of change.
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43 days, doing ok, but we’re heading to the prime holiday season 
I have done well to avoid people who trigger alcohol use so far. My anxiety has taken a mini vacation for now and I’m enjoying that while it lasts. I have an event coming up where I would normally drink and party a lot so that has me a bit questioning my ability but I know I can do it.
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I am so sorry. 
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Awe my friend… huge hugs to u! Please dont stay away for long 
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Day 1028
Morning TS fam 
Just got to work for another 8 hour shift. I have an incredibly busy day today. I probably wont get home until 8/830pm. I work until 4pm. Will head home to grab the wagon. Then off to Walmart for groceries (bcuz i didnt do it yesterday). Then home to drop the groceries off. And THEN to the pharmacy to pick up my sons prescription (im assuming he will be getting one as the viral panel came back negative, which means he must have a bacterial infection which requires antibiotics… i wont know for sure tho until i call the Dr thats on call to check his lab results). So im planning on going to the pharmacy after the groceries. Will also make a stop at Supplement King since its near by and grab my workout supplements (hubby got my a $150 gift card for my bday yay!!!). So ya its going to be a busy day!
Have a fabulous day everyone!!
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Sorry to read this Melanie, we’re here for you, whenever your ready to be back! 
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Thank you 
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Congratulations that is AWESOME!!! 
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Huge virtual hugs to you my friend and lots of love 
See you when you come back
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Checking in! 
So, I made ir back from my excursion! 
The organizers said it was “easy to medium”, suitable for “all levels”. Dang! After 1K we started the rise, and I thought this is not “easy” and “suitable for all levels”. At some point we had to crawl using hands and feet, it was so effin steep! But hey… I moaned and sweat a lot, but I made it and the view was worth it! 
As always I’m proud that I stepped out of my comfort zone, we were 20 people, and the group was extremely nice, all very friendly people.
Afterwards we all had a drink at a bar, and of course the beer was flowing… I had a coffee, and that was just fine!
Gonna finish the day with some errands, once I’ve taken a much needed shower! 
Not waisting my time with useless drinking, smoking and bing eating has given me so much more time over the day! 
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2915
I dropped my son off to take the SAT test this morning. He’s going to text me when he’s done. Next Saturday my sponsor will be giving me a token to celebrate 8 years. It won’t be at a meeting, it is just going to be the two of us at my house, which is sorta perfect for two introverts when you think about it LOL! Then the next day I will do the usually token thing at my woman’s meeting. So I’ve got all that sorted out. Lots to look forward to. I am hoping for a bonus and raise at work this month and then can pay off some bills and think about maybe a trip somewhere with the twins next summer. I’ve been at my job for a year and 7 months so I am due for a raise, I haven’t had one since I started and my job has gotten much more demanding. So I’m hopeful but I can’t control things. Things will unfold the way they’re meant to. Have a happy Saturday friends!
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I really like the App message today:
“It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop.”
- Sober Time’s message for December 7, 2024.
I am a person who typically works rather slowly but gets into my head about where I “should” be by now. I started in recovery in April 2015. In a handful of months that will be a decade since I did my First Step. I’ve slipped a few times a long the way.
The 1st year and one month I stayed the course, attended many meetings, and other recovery related type things. I struggled with the steps because of the whole higher power thing. I grew up Catholic at one house and Pentecostal at the other. Both are Christian but so, so different in their approach and messaging. By the time I was in High School I was jaded AF, and pretty much over religion as a whole. Anyway, without getting too deep in the weeds, I’ll leave it that I had a serious struggle with figuring out the higher power bit. I got pretty obsessive about “time”; collecting chips each month. Ended up kinda freaking after I hit the one year mark as that seemed like the really big marker. I think I expected something special to happen after that: like maybe I’d be miraculously healed of my addiction. Of course, that was a ridiculous thought. By the time I hit month thirteen I was in a weird headspace over it all. And before I hit month 14, I relapsed. A small one, but doesn’t matter the size of it- I flushed it down the toilet. Had to start over again, but I had such a hangup about the chips and the time I decided it was too much for me, so didn’t keep track of my sobriety date. Stopped collecting chips. More or less attempted a different approach. Didn’t work either. Not sure I even got a year that time.
Fast forward to 2019- figured out a bit of spirituality (Buddhist-leaning), which helped me with my higher power hangup. Worked through steps 1-11, stayed sober for over 4 years. Got into therapy. Things were going ok. Not great per se, but definitely better than when I was acting out. Several parts of my life indeed got better. Then, I got it in my head I could venture into some parts of my addiction in a different way and that would be ok … 'cause I had so much time under my belt, you see, that things were different now. Nope. Wife almost checked me in on Thanksgiving Day 2023. Very, very bad times. Terrible in fact. Even lost my will to live and lost all hope. And hope was always the one thing I clung to.
I figure as long as I never give up hope, no matter how bad things get, then I still have that to cling onto. I’d actually lost even that last year. It was the worst I’d ever been.
On 12/21 this year I’ll have 13 months. I’m feeling stronger and more capable than before. Still struggle nearly every day, but with lots of different things- not necessarily my addiction. It’s kinda strange, but it all really kinda connects anyway. I think that’s where I’m at now. Ive matured in my recovery.
It’s not just about not falling back into my addiction. Now, it’s really way more about paying attention to all the things in life that pave the road back to it. Making it look like an answer. Making it look like something that can offer relief. Things like staying on top of my bills, being honest about EVERYTHING, showing up to work on time- meeting deadlines, etc., self care: showering, and even brushing my teeth. And it’s especially about being there for others; being a part of my community and giving of myself- my time, my energy, my talents, my empathy. So so much more than just not acting out. Honestly, for me at least, it seems to be way more about being self-aware.
That’s enough for now. Sorry for the rambling. Guess I just had a lot on my mind that I needed to get out.
Appreciate this community so very much. All my best to all of you!
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Man i am falling behind here!!! Yes thank you @Matt 
It was so adorable and frankly my mood is HEAVILY affected by hunger. Like you just need a snack and you will not be so angry LOL.
I am in my crash mode. I know this is normal, so I really need to not take my mood or thoughts TOO SERIOUSLY. It is hard though because when you feel like crap, these thoughts feel so very real and logical. Long story short i have been going hard these past 2 weeks since my hubby hurt his foot, he couldnt walk so I was going hard thay week and then he had a horrible week this week and I felt so bad but you know when youre up to double-up for when your partner is not functional…yes, when its sustained the crash on your end will come and thats where i am! My body is so tired and my brain wants to catastrophize everything. Money, two cars both having issues, christmas, dad, STAYING ON TOP OF EVERYTHING. BUT OKAY. This is what I am trying to do when my brain and mood are low OR ITS LATE AT NIGHT AND YOU KNOW YOUR BRAIN RUNS.
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After 10pm, im not allowed to listen tp my brain if its giving negative thoughts. Sorry, but we can be productive, or eatch a show or read until bed. You go places at night where the next morning im like WTF why was i so worried?? This has been working. Its not a perfect science, but for the most part Ican actually check myself like you know what…its bed time its just NOT TIME to be thinking about serious shit. Tomorrow, but no not now. This has helped me insanely with getting to sleep.
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Rough days. Rough days are rpugh days. We need to have them, feel them go through them (I do not live with depression so please know I am not speaking to this challenge in anyway. There are so many layers there that I am not equipped or qualified to speak to, and would not want to dismiss the challenges associated with depression. I have always been on the side of anxiety, and understand that one cannot just WILL either not to be…). But I do not need to go down every path my tired lpw brain wants to take me down. On days like this my brain has a tendency to catastrophize, worry and wander in a darker perspective. Instead of feeding that Black dog, I recognize the day for what it is.
I let my husband know, hey I am not feeling great today so he knows where I am. I have actually found that telling him verbally, instead of him having to discover it on his own (LOL) helps our dynamic IMMENSLEY on these days. Because its like a warning and a signal, instead of a lashing or something coming from left field when he himself is trying to get out of his funk.
And then…in recognizing the day and my brain, its just not taking my thoughts too seriously. Its like ah yes yes Im wearing the hell fire goggles today so everything looks like shit. But tomorrow, is a new day. For today, I can at least know i have these fucking goggles on and it makes everything look like its burning. If you gave me ANYTHING to think anout today my brain could spin it in a hell fire way SO FAST, and I…i just get that, so dear brain. I see you, and we’re gonna get through this.
And lastly, something i am trying to do (which is so fucking hard but at least once and a while) is trying to take some time for me. My hubby is gping to take the kids to see my inlaws so I can just melt into the couch, and I know not everyone has that support but I wish you your own break today if you are having a challenge or exhausted or tapped out kind of day xo.
I love how there are like 8 things i have under point 2 but midway thru forgot i was making a list apparently? Hi tired braina!!!
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Champion down! Back to day 1. All tittle lost. What’s next ?
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