Thanks Jazzy. I’m not particularly upset as like I said it’s somethIng she has heard her father say a bunch of times to me. It did bother me a few months ago and in the past when either would say it as there were times I knew I wasn’t wrong but it was an argument I felt I instantly lost once it was said because well I was either at work or drunk… kind of takes your credibility away 
. BUT NOT ANYMORE 
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Oh Trey, I’m so sorry for your loss… Sending you strength in these extremely hard times, it sounds so cliché, but drinking won’t make the pain go away. Keep reaching out to us if you feel the need to 
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Checking in on Day 50. Rough night and morning. My depression is really kicking my ass. Just really feels like I’m alone. To the point I could call every single person (regardless of friend/family/etc) and no one will answer. Every single one. I proved it last night to myself. Probably shouldn’t have but I was not okay. I managed to stay sober. Just a constant battle with something. I’m just so tired. Oh well. Is what it is.
Hope everyone is doing well. I must catch up
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So very sorry for your loss 
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still clean
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I am safe. scheduled an early therapy appointment
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I am so sorry for you Trey.
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Checking in, 2 weeks.
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Second checkin
I seem to have a functioning kitchen. Celebrated by making spaghetti with red sauce, the first thing I learned to cook close to 50 years ago. It’s good 
.
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2nd check-in. My landlord just left, he came to check the condition of my old apartment. I was so scared and in a panic mode and I was thinking he will get mad because I kicked a hole in my bathroom door some years ago because I took an overdose with pills and didn’t realize where I was. But he was cool with the door and I was so relieved. Another reminder how I tend to expect only the worst outcomes when everything is really okay. But I’m so relieved now, I can now fully focus on tomorrow’s move.
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Enjoy your home cooked meal 
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Trey… I’m in shock… I am so SO sorry. I don’t know what to say to you but I wish you strength. We alle think of you and are here for you… 
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So sorry for your loss, am thinking of you. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling.
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I am so sorry for your loss 
Day 2 (in a few hours)
Oh yeah, a clear mind in a clear head gives me so much energy 
—at least today! And that’s despite having two intense nightmares last night, which came with some serious physical reactions.
This morning, I did three different breathing exercises and a meditation session, which really helped ground me for the day.
What was strange, though, was that at work, I struggled to put my thoughts into words when discussing a complex case. That never used to happen, even after nights of drinking. I guess my brain is still recovering and piecing everything back together. It’s all better without alcohol anyway. Be well
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Checking in, one day at a time… Shine on you crazy diamonds! 
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Hi Dan,
It sure is good seeing you around again! Thank you for sharing your experience and how quickly it can fall apart. That goes for me and probably every one of us as well. Maybe some folks have graduated and have this figured out, but I sure have not. It worries me when I drift away and feel the tension slowly rise. I was just away for a month or so and felt that discomfort. Like things weren’t quite right and stuff was getting to me more. So I need to stick closer too. Welcome back!
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I am so sorry for your terrible loss. We are here for you. Please lean on us whenever you need to.
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Checking in
1142
Todays been a busy day! Son went off to school which means running errands for me. Went grocery shopping and then went to the gym. Felt sooo good to be there since i havent exercised over spring break. Unfortunately there was no water at all in the building. Toilets, showers, sinks, and water fountains were out of service due to construction outside the gym. So my workout wasnt as long as i didnt bring water with me. I showered once home and now just enjoying a high protein smoothie. Cleaning is next. Have a great day everyone!
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I’m so sorry for your loss!
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