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I had the worst night’s sleep last night. I had terrible dreams about drinking, smoking weed and being with my ex wife. Seriously felt like crap when I awoke. Not welcome in my head please and thank you.
Also like Seb, wasn’t the best sleep at all. Lots of dreams and waking. Not bad dreams, just weird.
Anyway, up at 4am and off to work. Son comes over tonight to do some prep cooking with mom and to bring her to airport tomorrow for her 3 week trip to Mexico.
I will forego gym tonight to spend time with them while I have them. Then get back at it tomorrow after the smoke all clears from them turning the house upside down I’m certain, lol.
It’s another brisk -17 outside, we got a taste of spring like weather the past couple days but it slipped away again and we are back in the frigid air of hell.
Enjoy what I hope is the last remaining gasps of the cold of this crazy winter season.
Sorry for that Seb. Maybe it was the night for bad dreams. I dreamed somebody came to murder me in the dark. Was scared to go back to sleep after. That never happens to me. Well. On we go.
Now she will always be with me whatever i go.
At work i was all month alone in the department. It was hard. 8 hours at work with all of the work, problems and solutions then after work with the other problems.
Thats why the other day i wrote this about the drink, but I had the strength to resist the temptation because I know what alcohol is capable of and how much trouble it had caused me.
I would like to Thank to all of friends here who supported me during this hard time for me.
Thank you guys
I know that i will be okay because like i love to say we are stronger than the alcohol. Its just a bottle.
I need more time to become calm, but step by step everything will goes well.
Checking in on Day 22 Barely slept but it will be okay. Just very unsettled inside, not too sure why. I know the nightmares don’t help but I usually settle an hour or so after I wake. I’ll stay sober and attend my meetings and obviously hang out here lol 🩷
Awful mood at the moment. Feel lousy and helpless and tired. Feel so low and stressed. It’s like a see saw, yo-yo moods and mental craziness and fog. Currently I’m doing a great job of gaslighting myself every minute of the day. Will fight this thinking as much as I can, it’s a dangerous mental battle of wills.
Day 60/5
What in the twilight saga is going on here with these bad nights? Same for me: restless night and crazy dreams… I’m glad to work from home today, so I can hug my couch during my lunch break.
It’s funny though, whenever I have a short night I’m so thankful it’s not a hangover, it’s nothing compared to those crippling hangovers.
Day 5 nic free, doing well. I’m craving junkfood/sugar, but I came prepared and started a healthy meal plan and I’m eating extra proteins, so the munchies are manageable.
A group of Girl Scouts came in for a class. They had a blast and even though I didnt charge them I got paid in cookies!!!
Attended a special needs fundraiser with an open bar. Not 1 urge to drink.
My school atteneded a tournament and our special needs students were highlighted for a board breaking competition. It was amazing! Some were so shy and one little boy was crying a little. As soon as they broke the first board all of that went out the wimdow! Their eyes lit up and smiles all around when they got their medals.
Then I went home and collapsed from exhaustion haha.
I’m doing a bit better now after last week’s very low point. Objectively circumstances haven’t changed much. Well, the sun is shining. That’s not a small thing. I’ve interacted with people IRL and shared some of my sorrows and heard some of theirs. I listened to some podcasts. It all helped. Especially against the gaslighting myself.
At the Animals in therapy exhibition now at our local museum of the mind. Including Louis Wain’s work, on loan from your Bethlem museum. Helps as well. Hang in there friend. Wish you were here we could chat about it. For now virtual hugs and love it is
Day 1,724 clean and sober today. I had really weird bad dreams last night too you guys, what a trip!!! I hope everyone has a wonderful day today, love you guys a lot!!!
I’m going to treat today like the absolute fucking privilege it is. I’m 32 and waiting on some test results from a recent 5 day heart monitoring stint. My doc has concerns that I’ve developed an arrhythmia from abusing my DOC. While I can’t go back and change my behavior, I can commit to staying sober and savor everyday for the gift that it is. Hope everybody here has a beautiful day.
Day 17. Morning check in. Like a bunch of others, I struggled with insomnia last night. It was the first night I have had trouble sleeping since I started this journey. Exhausted and achy from sitting in the car so long. But, I did not take an Atavan or a Z-Quil.
I’m thankful it’s an easy day. I have essays to grade, but campus is closed this week. Taking the two Yorkies to the groomer and will probably grab lunch whike they are there. Lunch is at a terrific pizza place around the corner. We’ve been three times since I decided to become sober (becoming, always becoming). Anyway, I always ordered two beers with my meal, then usually came home to continue drinking. Most times, the cashier would see me coming and ring up my beer before I got to the counter (A real Norm from Cheers moment). It’s funny because I haven’t felt more than a passing urge to drink, and I think I have retrained the cashiers to ask before putting in my order.
So, generally, all is well here. I am grateful for all of you here. You are a terrific support. Have a great and sober day.
333 days sober
Got my guests settled in and we’re ready to start in on the training sessions tomorrow. I think everything is going well. So far the biggest hitch is that I just didn’t think about them coming during ramadan and how it might be awkward for them to eat normal meals when their host families are fasting. But I talked with everyone about it and I think I’m just overly anxious wanting everyone to have positive experiences.
Am definitely having some anxiety but not in a bad way. I just hope that I can keep it together and not let my emotions get in the way of work while they are here. It’s something I’ve been worried about. Am needing these to be good days!
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That is a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing 
