Thanks Trevor,
The garden will hopefully provide lots of fresh food for us here and maybe help us save a few $ this summer. I will give keeping a note with me at work a shot tomorrow. I know this will pass eventually but living in this constant state of anxiety while dealing with it all gets exhausting. I could go get a prescription for clonazepam for it but I do have a history of overusing it and don’t really want to go down that road again for obvious reasons. So lots of deep breathing right now… 
5 Likes
Trust me I really understand. Especially in the industry we work in it’s so fast paced And can be very stressful so it can be difficult to deal with this at work ..so I get it. I know for myself if I have like one or two really bad anxiety days my brain wants to tell me that it’s like this all the time but realistically it’s not always like that. Some days are worse than others but in the middle of it it feels like it’s forever. I know for myself I can deal with the mental stress but if my anxiety is bad enough it makes me physically exhausted like wore down.. so on days like that I have to make sure I’m eating more nutritionally dense foods and cutting back on caffeine. More water and more prayer to my higher power to help me get through the day. As far as the medication go with your gut. If this Is something you have abused or done more then prescribed in the past then definitely don’t do that. I know for myself I have made appointments to get medication two or three times in the last year and then I end up canceling the appointment. Because I know for myself that the medication’s that actually work are usually physically addictive or they just make me extremely tired so it’s not worth it. For myself I just accept it’s going to take time for my brain chemistry to fully heal from years of being sedated from opiates and alcohol. There’s always going to be new tools to add to my toolbox. I’m still learning. I’m always going to be learning.
5 Likes
Checking in on day 164
Work was okay today, not so bad for a monday. Still waiting to hear back after my interview, which is stressful. I hope everyone is well today.
13 Likes
Thank you 
2 Likes
Congratulations on day 144 
! There are many medications that can help you with anxiety that are not addictive. I would recommend talking with a psychiatrist about it though because I am not a professional so I don’t want to name any medication and it ends up not being the best choice for you. Hang in there
3 Likes
Thank you
1 Like
Day 1191
Today was crazy busy. Almost too busy actually. Gym, ran an errand, swept and mopped the floors, completed 3 loads of laundry, dishes, bath for my son, and now im doing the overnight shift with him bcuz the scheduler completely screwed up (by accident of course) the schedule. I started feeling overwhelmed this evening and ended up giving my husband a “tone” when responding to him. I did apologize once I realized that I wasnt handling things well. Did box breathing and that helped alot! Its not HIS fault that i have to stay awake all night. Im frustrated tho bcuz my family is visiting tmrw for the day. Havent seen them in like a year or so and i didnt want to be tired for it. But i will do my best tmrw to be as awake as possible. We are going for coffee first thing so that will help 
On another note, i did well with my eating today, even with being emotional. I guess thats about it for me. Am hoping for a good night! I wish the same for all of u!! Hugs!
17 Likes
Day 64: Quick check-in, semi-typical Monday. Work, bootcamp, daily challenge workout, peloton and stretch.
Work was crazy busy so i couldn’t make my noon AA meeting. Hoping to make tomorrow’s.
Happy to be sober and getting healthy!
14 Likes
@GOKU2021 I’m sorry for what your son is going thru 
I hope the meeting went okay. What grade is he in? My daughter never had any issues, academically or behavioral, until she started middle school. Kids can be jerks, mine included. With all the changes they’re going thru and trying to figure out who they are and all (Funny…I’ve been going thru the same thing 
) Similar to sobriety, there’s always going to be new parenting methods to adopt and mistakes to be made before finding the right ones. You’re doing just fine. We’re all out here winging it 
@CanadianGirl My anxiety spiked around this time. It was pretty brutal, but it was also the first time (-pregnancy) I’d ever been sober that long. I knew I had to learn how to deal with it on my own, without a crutch. Everything @bluekoolaid_88 suggested helped me too, especially cutting down on caffeine (didn’t need to counteract depressants anymore). As well as practicing relaxation techniques when those feelings started. I’ve noticed anxiety makes my breathing very shallow, so even a few deep breaths helps calm me down. This should even out for you eventually. Probably not entirely, but pretty dramatically once you figure out what works
824
Had a nice day off. Didn’t get as much done as I’d liked, but I did do some things, so…it’s aight 
My mom invited us to the usual Monday dinner, except she made ribs for a change 
A pleasant surprise from the norm. We walked around my brother’s yard for a while. It’s nice to see he’s been taking care of it since I lived there. It’s alot of work. Anyway, nice chill night. Hope you all have a good one
12 Likes
2173
Two more days of work before my holidays. The night was crowded with dreams. Busy dreams too, lots of people, cities, places. No using though. Or other terrible things happening. Just not feeling totally rested now. Yesterday was a bit much, work followed by a new therapy form - it felt good and I didn’t come away from it feeling totally exhausted so that’s good too- and Monday night writing class which was nice but I was pretty tired by then.
Today after work I continue to build up my bike. And I’m going to have as good a day as I possibly can, and expect the same from all of you. Sober and clean or nothing would come of it. Love from Keizersgracht.
18 Likes
Day 9.
Last 2 days I checked in on day 7 twice oops….
Anyway. Day 9 today. I feel okay. Slept good last night. Now back to work. Hope I can keep my mind occupied though…
Unfortunately our doughter is still sick 
So I’ll have my hands full after work.
I thinks it’s the “pink cloud” feeling but I’m glad that I haven’t drank in 9 days!
15 Likes
Day 10 AF, 54 weed free. I have a rough morning, I’m feeling extremely sad for no reason. I slept okay, but still feeling tired. I guess I’m just so fed up to my situation, this rollercoaster of my mind. These lyrics from Lil Peep’s song “Star Shopping” are describing my feelings perfectly at the moment:
Look at the sky tonight
All of the stars have a reason
A reason to shine, a reason like mine
And I’m fallin’ to pieces
Look at the sky tonight
All of them stars have a reason
Have a great 24 everyone!
15 Likes
476 AF
Had a 7 hour day at hot springs yesterday, doing several rounds of sauna. I love this hot springs there as it is true rich thermal sole water. And I feel this today.
Will joyn a bodybalance class at 9 as I have holiday and for lunch getting to my favorite Thai restaurant.
Sorry for posting so negative yesterday.
Yesterday I thought it all does not make sence, all the effort, techniques…
As I am crashing down again and again.
But it is normal.
Temporary.
As long as the bad episodes gets less…
I planted a lot in our garden.
May it grow.
Like our souls 
17 Likes
I’m so happy for you that you’re enjoying your vacation!
And yes, all these negative feelings are just temporary, they shall pass. Gotta just try to focus on little positive things even how hard that is. Enjoy your holiday, my friend!
3 Likes
Good numbers! Marilyn monroe lived at 444 57th street, also my daughters ‘angel numbers’ she has tattooed. When I went to NYC I found where Marilyn lived and also the hotel The Lexicon where she stayed. 
9 Likes
535 days
Another good day at work. Was pretty full on and didn’t get much downtime, wasn’t until we’d finished for the day I realised how tired I was.
@Juli1 a soak in a hot spring would be amazing right now.
Back to it tomorrow, but from here on out the course will be scenario based so will actually be a lot more intense, more chances for errors so extra vigilance required as a trainer.
13 Likes
Day 3 sober. Still hating myself over my last drunken incident. How to break this cycle of beating myself up which doesnt help me stay sober long term vs holding myself accountable for potentially ruining my personal life. Feel depressed as hell this morning. No desire to drink but mentally not good.
20 Likes
Not doing so great lately - but I’m still here and still sober- and that’s not nothing!!
Just trying to stay off socials and keep it in the ol’ proverbial Hula Hoop - I can’t help but think that if everyone did that, we wouldn’t have half the problems we have now! - but ironically, that ain’t in my hula hoop to decide
If wishes were horses… right?
17 Likes
545 sugar
409 UPF
283 gluten/dairy
Slept well, great morning meeting, sun is up.
Going to work on my design process some more today, do the groceries and some errands later, and some strength training in the afternoon.
Peace and love always 
12 Likes
You’re right ofc that beating yourself up doesn’t help - i think it’s more about what you do than what you feel yknow?
Maybe you could try helping other people instead of focusing on your own mistakes??
At AA they encourage “acts of service” which can be as simple as making the coffee for the meeting or putting the chairs away - me I pick up trash around my neighbourhood - i really find it helps
5 Likes