Still struggling with stress and triggered trauma responses. I don’t know why but this week is hard and I need to get my head straight. I am however trying to deal with it in a healthy way but it’s so difficult. Usually I flee for emotions, I have done so all my life. I can’t anymore now I’m sober so I need to look it straight in the eye and confront the beasts. I cried a lot this morning and sparred with a friend (who also triggered me so it was difficult for her too), and she helped me to just let some emotions ‘be’. It repulsed me, I feel so weak when crying. I do feel better now though, a little more grounded. And I think I have identified more than one trigger so I can look into it. Mostly I try to be kind to myself even when I am not strong.
Wow, did not see this coming I feel it’s a bump in the road, a lesson to be learned. It is nothing bad. I will learn from it
@Just_Laura curious what show is worth binging? I need something new!
Crying isn’t a sign of weakness friend, you’re strong! What you’re doing takes so much strength and courage. The right choice is always the hardest one and that’s what you’ve done. You’re doing great, keep going!
Also, I’ve read that when you’re stressed and you cry, your cortisol which is the stress hormone, is actually reduced because it comes out with the tears. So there! However way you look at it, you’re still strong
Alright, onto day 2. This last lapse was short (actually 2 days and a few hours) so thankfully bar a bit of a headache after a busy day I’m physically fine.
Trigger again was just being too damn busy, letting my fitness guard drop after an arm strain and then thinking I could hang with drinkers when I really can’t because then I’ll end up just like them.
Tomorrow I am too busy for the gym in the morning but I’m going to get it in the afternoon, and I’m not hanging with drinkers all afternoon. Sober lunch (driving my car) and then gym.
Thanks for all the support guys, you’re really the best.
Checking in: Day 21 AF.
I didn’t check in yesterday because I honestly didn’t know what to write since I couldn’t grasp what I was going through emotionally. I started a new caregiver yesterday and when she arrived at 9 am I asked her if she was ready to go and she was very confused because they didn’t tell her she needed to take me to my appointment. Bless her heart she said oop let’s go!! I arrived 3 minutes late and the group went well, however we were both confused about the parking situation and she ended up parking in the garage, which cost money. She ended up paying for the parking ticket and told me not to worry about it, which was sweet, however I told her you should talk with your supervisor about that because it’ll cost $10 every week that I don’t have. Then she was extremely worried about me because she didn’t know where I was since when we got there I had to literally run to get to my group. When we got home she asked if she could clean my kitchen and floors and I said sure this is new to me and I am not sure how this works and she did it all with the sweetest attitude. This was extremely awkward for me which made it somewhat awkward for her because I am so used to being independent and felt helpless and embarrassed at the same time because of all my health issues I can’t do it by myself anymore. As I was thinking about it I started crying because I recognized that usually by that point I would drink to get through these kinds of situations and I would drink because it would give me energy to be independent, however it would cause my body to hurt so badly since I can’t be doing that, I don’t get hangovers though. Later that evening I went to a virtual AA meeting even though I didn’t feel like it.
I remembered many people saying in AA meetings the time you really need to go to an AA meeting is when you don’t feel like going or don’t think you need to. So I went and they were right! I felt somewhat better after sharing. I still had to work through my emotional turmoil and I am so grateful that I am sober because I wouldn’t have been able to do that.
Hope everyone is having a good day and sending hugs to everyone who is struggling
Day 13 ….. nothing really exciting ??? Are you crazy ?? Your alcoholic brain has been trying and FAILING to get a reset on your sober counter for 13 days !!! I think that’s very exciting. Just the fact you checked in today means you probably won’t drink today either. That’s a miracle in my world. Be proud and excited.
You know, it always surprises me how much of an effect the people around me have on me. I guess you’re like that too. I always think I can handle it and think my resolve will be the same when I meet them but somehow they always make me feel like maybe a little bit won’t hurt and moderation is key. It’s never the case. I’ve come to the conclusion that for now, it’s me or them. It’s unfortunate that we should sacrifice our social life but that’s the hand we’re dealt I guess. Glad you’re here friend and the fact that you are is all that matters. We’re all doing it together
I had the same feelings about moderation for years. I tried every technique in the book with hopes that I wouldn’t progress past a certain point. The result was failure. Not always immediately, I would have life and responsibilities that might keep me in check for a little while. I always remember having to stop for whatever reason (work, medical or commitments) I never wanted to stop. Eventually I would once again reach the point I couldn’t stop. There I was again. Ughhh How did I do it again? My fool proof plan failed again. The insanity. Step 1 again
@TS66 How’s it going Trey? Haven’t seen you in a while. @mobius Totally missed the bit about the Tummo breathing. Had to look this up. Interesting. Thanks for the tip. Will try this out @soli I am so sorry that you were dealing with such lows for past few days Grateful you are doing better today. Hope you were able to get through your work @marit thanks friend I am sorry that you are struggling. Crying most definitely does not make you weak. I am not sure why we have been made to feel this way. It only hurts more in the long run when we suppress our feelings and they get all jumbled up and then the craziest things set us off. I am glad you had a good cry- hope you feel lighter. Glad you were able to identify some triggers as well. This is progress. Know you are not alone and can lean on us whenever you are struggling @pizzaz612 Way to go with your 3 weeks! Glad you did get to the meeting. So true that you need it the most when you really don’t feel like going. Grateful you have a good caregiver who seems to have a wonderful sweet attitude. It will take time to get used to having help. I can totally relate to drinking jus so you can have the energy to be independent. This of course is havoc on your body and overall health. You are doing great Sarah – keep pushing forward and working your recovery
Checking in on Thursday evening
883 Days free of alcohol and weed
1298 Days free of cigarettes
Been a long day. I am feeling exhausted and am grateful to be sitting and relaxing now. Watching lots of short funny clips to keep my spirts up. Totally worth the tummy laughter aches
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day /evening - sending you all so much love
Second check in for the day. @CR84 I think it’s pretty exciting that tomorrow will be 2 weeks for you!! Sorry your other half was grumpy but good for you for not letting it get to you @Rockstar24777 keeping my fingers crossed that the background check goes through soon and you get some good news . @Mno enjoy your vacation @Wunderbar happy birthday @NewDay1990 good for you do trying a new meeting but sorry it wasn’t what you expected . Don’t let it discourage you from trying other ones. Congrats on your 5 days ! @Soli sorry to hear you’ve been so low lately glad you are feeling a bit better today though
Hope you have all had a good day today . I’ll see all you sober peeps tomorrow.
Work is kicking my butt because it is so hard to figure out. I hope I make more progress on it tomorrow. I can fall into negative thinking over this if I let myself. I’m trying not to go there. The joys of engineering as a profession I guess. Going to have a late dinner and not think about it for a while!
Second day of my holidays. Picked up my friend from the airport yesterday and didn’t do much afterwards as we’re both tired and I know for myself I need some time to rest and recover. It’s been some very busy months.
Will see about today in a moment, although I’m sure we’ll make it as good a day as we possible can. And one thing that is certain is that it’ll be sober and clean or nothing will come of it. I expect the same form all of you of course. Love from my little square.
I got a start date in a few weeks. Right after this school year is over.
Long day. Long week. A lot of things going on I’ll have more energy to type out another time. But I wanted to check in here before I close my eyes.
Here’s to one day at a time.
@Marit The show’s called Teacup on Peacock. Horror/sci fi. Haven’t finished it (on E6 rn) but it’s been keeping my attention I don’t cry often either (mostly bc I don’t see the point ) but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s the body’s natural response to pain (of any kind) and sometimes you can’t stop it. Nobody’s invulnerable. I found 4-6 months to be the hardest emotionally, but it keeps getting better
But only kept progressing Yeah, that was not a fun time. See, this is why I come here everyday To be reminded of how it was. Truly insane. I’ve left most of my past in the past, but some things can never be forgotten
827
Today was the opposite of yesterday, despite the weather being EXACTLY THE SAME! I mean, why am I wearing a winter jacket at the end of May?!
But work was great. There was supposed to be a tournament, but it got postponed. I opted to work anyway and get paid hourly to do more cleaning/organizing. No one else is gonna do it and it needs to be done as reference for how it should look all the time. There’s so much unnecessary stress caused by never being able to find anything you need Been pissing me the fuck off lately. Imma fix it
I took that motivation home and stayed busy for the rest of the day. And since there’s no school tomorrow, I cleaned til 10:30! Gotta use it while I got it Now it’s late and I’m starving, but nothing sounds good I don’t understand why that happens. Need to eat either way. Have a great 24!
I feel it’s a bump in the road, a lesson to be learned. It is nothing bad. I will learn from it 
I need something new!
that the background check goes through soon and you get some good news .
I don’t cry often either (mostly bc I don’t see the point 
) but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s the body’s natural response to pain (of any kind) and sometimes you can’t stop it. Nobody’s invulnerable. I found 4-6 months to be the hardest emotionally, but it keeps getting better 
Yeah, that was not a fun time. See, this is why I come here everyday 
Been pissing me the fuck off lately. Imma fix it 
Now it’s late and I’m starving, but nothing sounds good