Happy Sober Birthday Patrick!
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I think of the introduction, saying I am here with you all as an alcoholic, as an offering of service. I look around the room, at all these people that are saying the same, that they are qualified and willing to help me stay sober too.
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Cool you fill better, got to let it out G. Never give up.
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529 days AF
@JazzyS thank you sweet friend
It just felt like the wrong conclusion at this point. All fine. It realy switches. It can switch within minutes.
Finished work earlier yesterday and went to the hot springs and sauna. This was therapy. Nakedness is therapy. Had some positive moments with other humans. Slept solid 8 hours tonight. It was not too crowded, so that might be a good routine on a Friday.
Feeling good in my body today.
No urge to drink.
Will do human stuff, like groceries, laundry etc now. Relaxing and some sports later.
Stay strong 
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Thereās no need to say anything. You can just check in and tell no more if you feel that way. Or you can briefly tell how are your emotions with no need to explain more if that feels good.
Whichever way it goes with you two itās very good that you have been doing and trying the therapy. Then at least you have tried to solve the things. I wish you all the best and that the traumas from the past could be dealed with and I am confident that you can overcome them
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598 sugar
462 UPF
336 gluten/dairy
Had a great game night yesterday. Drove a car for the first time in over nine months after the onset of my illness. Felt slightly apprehensive about it. But it went very well.
Today my mum needs some help with her computer, I want to take care of my IT and my plants later. Some nice yoga and relaxing for the rest of the day.
Peace and love always 
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Thank you!
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Thanks you I treated like such today for sure. 
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743
In less than 2 weeks i have exam for my driving license. Doing this in such an old age makes me feel so ashamedā¦ In Netherlands all kids 18+ have a license already, and I am 41ā¦ Where they have the money from?! 
Its so so so expensive. When i was like 23yo i was also trying to get the license (still in Poland) but you know, i had ābetterā things to do. So never finished it. The pressure i feel to pass that exam is so huge, im so anxious about it, i have clear physical symptoms of stress, i feel like ticking bomb all the time. Amount of money, time and stress that journey costs me is insane. People are doing this every day, all kind of people, why for me its such a mount Everest climbing kind of thing?! And its not even about driving, Iām not anxious about it, the EXAM and vision of failing is killing me. New exam means 400ā:money_with_wings:and again about 8 weeks waiting time. I canāt let it happen ffs!
Other than that horror? All good. I think I will take my boys to library and playground today. Eat cherries. Breath.
Have a great day my friends from all over the world! Much love 
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Thank you
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Thank you definitely goin to keep working. No days off when it comes to the recovery
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@PatsU Amazing 
Congratulations on one year! Nice to hear some of your story 
Sounds like youāre in for a happier ending now 
@StacyAnn Sorry about your pooch, but sounds like itās for the best. The #1 reason I never got a new dog after losing mine in '20 is not having anywhere near the amount of time it takes for proper training. Someone will be a good fit and give yours the attention she needs
From the flip side, when I was still drinking, a conversation always stuck with me bc it bothered me like this. My newly sober friend was talking about alcoholics like they were scum beneath her, knowing I still drank. All I could think was 'Girl, you just blacked out at work two months ago! How could you possibly think youāre better just bc you quit when you were exactly the same?! 
Then hoped I wouldnāt be that intolerant if I quit. Iām not of course, but recovery has also taught me these things only bother me if I let them. I canāt control otherās actions, but I can control how much space I give them in my mind
877
Iām not happy with how late it is. I wish I had more time to myself lately, but with the summer hours and no school to worry about, my nights keep getting longer 
Tonightās the worst yet. The water was shut off this afternoon without warning to replace a fire hydrant. I hadnāt gotten anything done yet (cook, clean, shower, litter boxes, etc), so I had to do it all after work. Which ended pretty late 
It left me wired longer than usual. All I want to do is catch up around here, but if I donāt lay down soon, Iāll sleep thru all of tomorrow morning. Ugh. I need to find more consistency here. Hope you all have a safe and sober Saturday
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588 days
Took the youngest to dentist appointment. Just a check up but the poor kid never gets a straight forward outcome when it comes to her health. Nothing wrong right now but another congenital thing thatāll show up later on.
After that we went and sorted some groceries for the kids back to school next week.
Tomorrow if the weathers good we have tickets with some friends to go watch our team play.
@Mischa84 positive thoughts. I have taken tests and assessments fairly regularly at work, while not a financial consequence to failing, there would be an element of ridicule and embarrassment at failure. Take those nerves, acknowledge them, use them to stay sharp. Focus on the training youāve done, have faith that you are capable, skilled and knowledgeable. Stay positive
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This is so funny. Our childhood Staffy used to be in a right mood with us if we wouldnāt give her scrunchies, took her toy off for washing, didnāt walk her when she wanted, wouldnāt let her eat the house pipe, wouldnāt let her burst the football with her giant Cheshire cat teethā¦ She was such a diva mardy bum. Dogs who pout are the funniest. I remember her turning around in her bed so she was facing the wall and wouldnāt look at us at all. 
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To look in the mirror is to acknowledge ourselves. To actively shout down the mirror in advance by critising the reflectiveness, the shine, the truth is to deny active engagement with the ugly realisation of addiction. I know people who will fight tooth and nail to hold on to their drinking and DOCs. They will make jokes about boring sober people.
Just recently it was joked (by my friend) that my other friendās sober husband (only because he would need to drive) could be placed on the foreign speaking table at their wedding meal, obviously because he would be no fun sober and they wouldnāt understand him either. So letās stick all the second rate guests together. It was a WhatsApp group of seven of us. I seethed for a few hours then asked openly if that was where I was going to be sat as wellā¦ Met with very quick and arse licking comments that I was fun without alcohol. Fuck that for a game of soldiers; I accept your words because I canāt argue over this (I SEE YOU), but itās inside me now as a resentment and paranoia. But itās a defense mechanism and a societal failure to normalise a drug that makes people talk louder and engage in a conversation that they couldnāt manage sober. To watch the slow decline in their orbital sockets as their eyes roll outwards and start to blink slowly like a kissing cat.
One thing Iām proud of is my burgeoning authenticity whilst sober. Iāve softened so much and go out of my way to speak with candour and honesty and integrity when sober. Even when they are drunk, inside I feel peace. I feel so good knowing I own my word and my intention behind every word. I can say to my friend that I love them sober and hug them sober. Thatās new and itās a gift. We are gifted and itās hard work. But we are so lucky. Itās a hard truth to see, especially when you are scared of losing that protective buzz.
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Hiya everyone, long time no see!
So Iām at 9 weeks sober, but what a few months itās been! TW
DV, broken ribs, bruises and escaping toxic family members. I had no wifi or phone for a while, hence the non-posting.
Still feeling a bit down, but much better sober! Iām engaging with services and am trying my best.
Missed you all!
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@Lile01 good to see you and a huge Congrats on 9 weeks!! 
Good for you for breaking free from the toxicity in your life, although it must be hard and painful to have family like that.. sorry for you but you should be real proud of yourself!
@Mischa84 you got it girl. You can do it and donāt be too hard on yourself. Try some breathing exercises when the anxiety hits. You got it 
Checking in! One free day today and already took care of the pony. My back is giving me a lot of pain again.. I sure hope itāll get better soon. Need to work an emergency shift again tomorrow but thatās fine, and even fun. Iām doing pretty good atm 
Have a great day everyone
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So so nice to see your face. 
Cracking job.
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- We are having a Wicked
watch party. In the locked up, shut down temperature of 27 inside the flatā¦ For nowā¦ Loaded up with bottles of water and tasty food and fighting cats. We will get thru this next heatwave! I canāt even count how many times I woke in the night, sticky and feeling horrible. Nightmares non stop. My body doesnāt love this weather. Roll on those beautiful pre autumn nights with hip slung low sunsets and chill evening breezes.
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Welcome back. Sorry for what you have been through.
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