Checking in! Day 2
After work I went for a walk. I have a monthly goal of 125K, which I actually accomplished last month. This month Iām already a bit behind (30K so far), but Iāll get there!
Day 6. Still tears. Got to talk to my counselor. I have felt so frustrated, because I DONāT UNDERSTAND. I went to rehab, I read my JFT every morning, I was doing a meeting every day, (mostly online though, was finally doing one in person a week) reading the big book, why why why do I still get to points where I CANNOT resist?? I have to admit, Iāve been the asshole my entire adult life that talked down on addicts. It seemed so stupid to meā¦ Just stop right?! My counselor seems to think being locked in at my momās is a good idea for a month at least. The longer away from the substance the better. I feel a tinge hopeful. What am I missing here? How do you fight the cravings? Tyia
Check in day 13
Woke up hangover free W got my workout in W ate clean W picked up a some pork and all types of greens for a salsa verde for family dinner tomorrow we stacking Wins! Just wanted to tell everyone remember tough times never last but tough people do! Peace to All
Checking in day 1 done and dusted, lacking energy but had to show up for the kids..anxious for the next few days as I know this is the hardest part especially given the amount of usage Iāve had but something feels different this time and finding this place has really made a difference
I feel your frustrations here .. i also had a similar attitude āsurely you can just stopā .. how wrong ey ! .. my cravings get ridiculous but the more I tried to fight them the harder it was ..Iāve seen a few things on here about surfing the craving, riding it out and acknowledging it will come rather then going into conflict with yourself. Iāve not tried this yet but 100% going to give it a go. Keep strong anyway youāve got this and thereās lots of support in here too.
@butterflymoonwoman Awe ā that melts my heart. I can imagine your morning being emotional. So happy that you are here with us and working on your recovery. I know you are working diligently on your health. Keep at it friend ā even when it does not feel like it ā you are making some amazing strides with your efforts @seizetheday WHOOHOO triple 5ās is awesome Hannah. Great to see you doing so well ā keep stacking up the days @tatteredlace It was excruciating for me to not think about drinking / smoking for the first few months. I had to fight like hell with my mind. I had to remember how bad I was with the drink and not let the lies flood my mind ā No Way was I going to be better with a drink. No Way was me drinking tonight and starting again tomorrow a reality cause that tomorrow never came. I just had to ride it out. Kept myself SUPER busy with multiple things at a time ā like watching tv while doing a puzzle or knitting and taking small breaks to read or clean. My mind was jumping from task to task and not given the chance to focus on the urge. I would take different routes so that the familiarity was not there and would only go shopping where I could not also get alcohol / cigs but also went in without my ID so I could not be sold any even if I semi caved. 6 days is great work and you are practicing your skills but that doesnāt mean that the journey will automatically be easy. It does take work and it does take time but this I know for sure ā it DOES get easier. I literally spent so much time (day / night) here on this site to help me when I found this community ā reading and engaging here helped me so much with the urges and feeling connected to the journey. ODAAT @kyledesantos Welcome to the community Kyle and great work on your day 1. The early days are hard. It is good to be prepared. Drink plenty of fluids and get rest as your body is going through detox and that can be exhausting. Stay connected here ā you are among friends. We understand the holds of addiction and how to get through it Keep pushing forward ODAAT @mtsober Glad you are starting to feel better
Checking in on day 715. Still fatigued, still feeling depressed and stressed. I had a good feeling today though. I had to go out to the local shops after work and as I walked past the pub, and as I was buying my groceries, I remembered that the old me would have felt the need to head into the pub for a sneaky drink before buying more alcohol to sneak into the house. I realised as tired and feeling like crap as I am, I felt free. I am free. I donāt have that daily compulsion to drink andā¦well fuck, Iāll take that and accept feeling crappy for the odd stint of time. That is all.
One thing that helped me during cravings when I was arguing with myself (āhave a drink, no dontā) was to tell myself to stop thinking about it, I already decided im not drinking today. Maybe tomorrow but not today. Have a snack, have a nap, take a walk before you pick up.
Reading up on the brain science of craving was helpful too, knowing im NOT crazy i just have an addict brain.and that thoughts are just thoughts, temporary and passing like clouds.
Gradually things change
You dont have to do that to yourself use your tools, rely on us and your conception of a higher power that wants you to love yourself. Is there anyone you can call? In the US theres 988
Everyone I love is busy. Iāve used all my tools again and again. I definitely canāt call 988. Have some bad experiences, and if I end up being checked in somewhere I get discharged from my eating disorder program
I see, im sorry youre feeling so much pain. Clearly there is part of you that doesnt want to relapse or you wouldnāt post here; what makes you want to stay strong?
Honestly nothing. Iām mostly still clean because my friends will be disappointed. But Iāve already been disappointing them with eating disorder behaviors every day anyway
Well I care about you. Sometimes things fall apart to come back together better. Im sure parts of your life have gotten better since you quit, a relapse could jeopardize all that. Is that really, deep down, what you want to do? Or are emotions too high to stop and think?
Can you try doing something else, nap, meditation, long drive, reading, walk, etc for an hour or so and then revisit?
Things were better for a while, and now theyāre all worse. Iām a disaster. I canāt sit with this feeling for an hour I know it wonāt go away unless I do something about it
Things go up and down. I was diagnosed with cancer at age 31 about a year after my husband left me. It was a very dark year, and sometimes still is. I spent a loy of time sitting with feelings of being completely fucked up as a person, a disaster, and just sobbing in bed. But these last few months ive seen enough moments of joy in sobreity to believe that things will get better (then probably worse, then better again) as long as I dont relapse.
I believe in you!
use your tools, rely on us and your conception of a higher power that wants you to love yourself. Is there anyone you can call? In the US theres 988