Checking in on early day 7
I delay going to sleep. And even when I’m in bed, I stay awake most of the night.
I have disturbing dreams. Long adventures where I am a migrant who, for some absurd and trivial reason, finds myself being checked. And the lack of resources for efficient and dignified administrative procedures is catastrophic. Many of us are treated like dogs. The situations are degrading, the trials make me lose my dignity. I manage to escape, I am caught again, transferred. It never ends.
And when the outcome finally arrives, when someone helps me, a young woman, I wake up. This morning I told my wife about my dream, and as I finished my story, the last scene in which my loneliness ends, I was overcome with emotional distress. I burst into tears as I told her that I hugged this young woman and thanked her.
In fact, I keep my emotions bottled up until the mental and emotional burden of my solitary trials can be safely released.
I understand that I will remain alone as I continue through life, which is the same for everyone, isn’t it?
For us here in the TS community, I believe we fell into addiction because we didn’t want to live with this daily struggle. Living life as a responsible adult, because of the difficulties, because of the misfortunes and absurdity of this world.
Addiction is a shortcut, a trap that prevented us from facing up to things.
Now I accept life. Mine isn’t great, but the challenges are there and I have to face them. That’s life.
Here is a photo I took that expresses this emotional distress that must be managed. It is the entrance to Neptune’s Cave near Couvin, Belgium.
Have a good day everyone. 
