148.5
I just realized I’ve been very angry/sad for the last few weeks. I think it’s stemming from when my daughter put her hands on me. I’ve been snippy and micromanaging my brokers (which technically they need, but I could be kinder). I don’t feel well, my legs are betraying me at the gym. I’m dealing with my friend dying and when services will be, a huge deal might fall through, feeling dark and massively guilty because I know I’m leaving the firm I’m “affiliated “ with. Did a tour and had a meeting with the guy I used to date yesterday. I realized I still really like him, and I’m very hurt how it ended. Yet something else I screwed up with my drinking.
I never dread getting out of bed during the week. However, I don’t want to do a single thing today and my day is packed with shit I can’t get out of. I guess it’s a good thing, but on the opposite end of it, I’m angry and resent it. I feel like my world is imploding and it’s not going to end well. I’m just pissy and don’t even want to be on earth today. I’m a useless addition and often wonder why I’m still here. Good people die and my pathetic loser ass is here. Doesn’t seem right. I’m just raging today. I hate this.
Checking in halfway through day 2 feeling thankful to be back on track. Hoping to get some good sleep then exercise before work tonight. Trying to stay present and not get too ahead of myself. Sending good vibes everyones way
93 Days: Its been an interesting 10 days since the last time I checked in, but happy to still be sober after 93 days.
Finding out about the passing of my dad stirred up more emotions then I expected. My rekindled relationship with my ex is turning out to be similar to what it was in the past. Had my first real urge to drink since I quit 93 days ago. Not going to, but the desire was definitely there.
Need to return my focus to my sobriety and mental well being. That may mean ending a relationship with a woman I love, but life circumstances just might be too much. We will see.
Didn’t sleep a wink last night. It’s now 4:45 am and my alarm will go off at 5:30. But going to focus on the positives. I’m sober, my kids are great, I have my health, work is going well and I will hopefully sleep like a baby tonight!
Thanks @Jane.c and @BobIsGone. Today is just really hard. I’m scared and I think I’m about to explode. I honestly don’t even know how to verbalize it. I’m spiraling fast.
Hi Beth, my name is Matt, and I’m going to echo @Jane.c that your posts have always made my life better. It doesn’t matter if they’re hopeful or difficult, but they’re deep and rich. You are a valuable part of the community here (and I’m sure of your community irl as well). I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through now. It is a very hard time
Checking in. Last two weeks have been thought provoking. I have learned a lot and stayed sober, mostly from reflecting on what role fantasy plays in my life as an escape from life. I was spending a lot of time imagining ways I would be in a perfect scenario, down the road. I was neglecting the scenario right now, which is full of practical, everyday tasks that are not fully in my control.
Fantasy is a seductive thing. In a fantasy of “imagine what that would be like”, I forget that, it’s just a fantasy. Taking time to really live in the moment now, and ask for what I need, humbly, is helpful.
Looking forward to a good day moving one more step forward. Wish me luck
@Peeceeuk I’m happy to see you’re still going strong too!
Just woke up & today is day 18. I’m off from work and will spend time with my niece and nephew. Even though waking up at 7am on my day off sucks (not a morning person) it sucks a lot less when I’m not hungover.
Have a great day you guys
I haven’t been bothered what time I’m up really since stopping drinking, day off or not.
There are things that can be done at any time of day.
I did have a nothing before 7:30am rule but since changing my sleeping routine, I find that I don’t care so much about that anymore.
If I’m awake at 5:30am, I will take a cuppa and some brekky up to bed then get up properly at 6am. At least I feel fresh.
I get some me time to wake up before the rest of the house wakes up and place their demands on me.
Oof Beth, sorry it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. I certainly know that feeling. It’s hard for me to trust in my HP and believe that things will turn out the way they’re supposed to but I’m trying. The universe is gonna do what it’s gonna do with or without my say so. I do see you gaining strength and lessons from each of these difficulties. Just allow yourself grace to be imperfect and be sure to rest so your cup is full to face it all.
feeling thankful to be back on track. Hoping to get some good sleep then exercise before work tonight. Trying to stay present and not get too ahead of myself. Sending good vibes everyones way 
