Just realized I didn’t check in this AM, day 15 here. Slowly working my way thru cleaning the living room in an effort to keep myself busy. My plan of putting everything in the dining room is a future me problem.
Happy Thursday everyone.
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Checking in!
I’ve just come back from my work event/cocktail. Boy, what a mess! I lasted literally 2 minutes at the event. Long enough to greet the organizer, she saw me, we did the meet & greet thing, and right after that I left through the back door (literally - some side door in the hotel lobby)
So basically I drove 40 minutes back and forth again to say “hello” to a person! 
My boss won’t be amused, but I didn’t know anybody, and the only person I knew didn’t show up. So my anxiety got the better of me, I was starting to panic with over 150 people around me!
I’m glad I’m home now, just hopped sober into my PJ’s and gonna think about what’s it gonna be for dinner! The rest of the day was ok!
Sorry for the rant about this work event… 
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Yesssss! I know I am not alone when I say I am so frickin’ proud of you 
You put your sobriety before anything else and that is huge. I know it wasn’t easy, but you made it home sober. Light & Love dear 
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For sure. Some days are better thank goodness as I can be sharper with my mental muscles but that all goes to crap when I lack sleep 
I am making sure that the
pain
I have a constant headache (have had since my teens) that can blow into a migraine at any second with the slightest grievance. My upper and lower spine are dealing with disc degeneration. Have sharp pains in my pitts and not sure what is causing this. Nerve damage from my ovary removal last year and some lower back pain that makes it hard to sit, walk, lay but we don’t know what it is
does not rule my day. Have to be present for my mom as she had some oral surgery. Really funny trying to communicate with her right now
@Butterflymoonwoman Thank you friend. Appreciate the hugs and the vibes! 
Oh fudgecicles! That is bs. Glad you know his deal and can block these people… no going back friend. We got your back here and are rooting for a sober and beautiful future
I totally get this. I am so sorry that you were faced with a bad part of your past. It really does suck when it hits you out of the blue. SOOOO Very proud of you for not giving into the urges and finding ways to keep yourself busy with self care! Sending positivity your way to help you with your day 
@Jesile Long drive but I am so very proud of you for not sticking around when you felt so anxious. Way to put yourself first. Hope the drive was calming (i do love drives sometimes). Glad you are safe at home with your kitties and in your pj’s – have a wonderful night my friend
Checking in mid afternoon
Head is doing better with my hopefully last coffee of the day LOL. Glad I was able to get our ice packs back from my cousin as they are the ones that my mom likes. She is now resting and I will do my best to work on some computer stuff. I had a small urge to take a few shots when I went to pick up my stuff from home but remembered that I would be useless if I did that now after all this time… I need to be present for my mom so that is what I am going to focus on now.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love.
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Checking in on day 46, sober and present!
1 more workday to go before my weekend begins… 
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Thank you love. I don’t know what I would do without this community. I never thought I would find anything nearly this supportive and open. I hope your pain is relieved soon as well
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Not too calming, as it was rush hour, but once I got out of the capital and approached my small town, I immediately felt a relieve! 
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My anxiety wasn’t so much about whether to drink or not, as drinking was not an option! It was more the fact that I was alone surrounded by a lot of strangers, and I just felt so awkward. Truth be said; in the past I would drink to make myself feel comfortable at these type of events. I used to love them, I mean… free booze and snacks, what more can an alcoholic ask for?
But, now? I can’t stand attending them, and it’s a problem as it’s part of my job… Thanks for your kind words, Cass!! 
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Day 1327
So i went to the lab to get bloodwork done today. I was going in there feeling very anxious and initally a bit triggered. I rarely get blood taken and the last time I did, i almost started crying in the nurses office. Its been 11+ years since I have used needles to get high. And today, the thought of what i used to do, crossed my mind briefly, but there was no emotion behind it 
. I was actually really relieved and proud of myself for how far ive come. I wanted to share this bcuz I feel like I may have healed from that part of my past. It was literally the lowest point of my addiction. There was alot of self hate, shame, and hurt that came with that way of getting high for me. And I actually feel really good right now about my recovery and the fact that I can now get bloodwork done without feeling on edge. Things are really turning around in a lot of ways bcuz of recovery. Feeling blessed!!
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105 days porn free
10 days THC free
312 days AF
I did have some minor lingering thoughts about my marriage last night but I did sleep well. I do feel a growing sense of peace at beginning to put the past behind me and the opportunities that the new chapter ahead will bring.
Also, I think we may have finally reached an agreement that both of us can live with this afternoon.
I’m grateful for the blessings this relationship provided and the mistakes I will have as lessons to learn from moving forward.
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Congrats on 3 months, brotha.
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Congratulations on 3 months!!!
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Hey everyone, busy day, late check in on day 33. All ok here. Its been a good day weatherwise as well, thats likely to change tomorrow strong winds and heavy rain on its way. It is what it is and we deal with it.
@CR84 Well done Cass Im so proud of you and the choices you made today. You are a sober superstar 
shining bright and lighting the way! 
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@sober_ken 3 months mate, your flying 
.
@pdebs Well done on your double digit day. Perfect 
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@JazzyS hope that 2nd coffee helped and you pain eased a little and your day got better 
.
@Just_Laura I hope the care team can get their act together very soon for you and your Dad. Hope you get some propper rest too. .
@Butterflymoonwoman you have came such a long way in your recovery. I can tell in your posts that you are a much stronger person now and sobriety is enabling you to handle situations a whole lot better. Just my opinion Dana .
Strong winds and heavy rain is here. Oh well…
Hope you all manage a decent day today.
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no likes left . Thats the downside of catching up on here.
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Checking in day 640 AF
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144 Days today !
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Thanks for the tip off on sugar @Just_Laura - I went and bought some fruit after reading your post and I’m going to see if that helps over the coming days. Really sorry to read about the problems you’re having with the basement - it does sound like a nightmare. I hope that’s sorted for you soon.
Congrats on 3 months @sober_ken !
@Jesile I found those posts very relatable - knowing how anxious I get in similar situations, I think it’s brave that you went at all and actually brave (and the right thing to do) that you left when you did. They can’t deny you were there!
Really pleased to see all the check ins (despite the struggles, we fight on!)
Day 12 evening check in
Not much to report! Very busy with work. Got 12,500 steps in as well (a walk through some local woods and a go on the exercise bike). Still some funny swings in mood but I’m treating that as a good thing and a sign that things are working as they should. The alcohol has been a numbing agent for years. I was reminded of some lyrics from a song I hadn’t heard in years by Three Days Grace - ‘I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all’. I’m guessing they weren’t referring to getting sober but I feel it applies 
Well done everyone, let’s keep going
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228 days no alcohol and no desire for alcohol. 
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Day 5
Lots of organizing and availability to give today. And this weekend looks like it will be non-stop until Sunday afternoon. I’ll just go with the flow.
The book I’m starting tonight looks like it will be hard to put down. But I’ll try to be reasonable.
Have a good, sober evening, everyone! 
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7 years, 11 months.
Finding it hard to have the capacity to participate here that often. I read daily on here, but most of my output has been dedicated to family and work, with some self care sprinkled in.
We said goodbye to the family cat this week. My son was particularly devastated but he’s handling it quite well. It was his first big loss.
Work is taking up a lot of my capacity these days. I’ve opted to not open up about it much because my job and the current political climate are very much linked and I find it very hard to talk about one without talking about the other.
Not sure the last time I even posted a general check in, but there it is.
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