Checkin in on day 60 smoke free, 39 binge free, 2 snacking free.
Today I feel some energy coming back into my body, which feels great. I can get some stuff done that needs to be done and I still have enough energy for some things I want to do.
Have a peaceful and happy day everyone!
. One minute, one hour, one day, one night, everyday. To today 
and I HAVE NO DESIRE TO DRINK ALCOHOL 
756 sugar
620 UPF
Beautiful day today. All kinds of errands already done. Time for a lunch break, looking forward to design work and some good yoga later. Also want to relax with one of my favourite recovery meetings in the evening SatiSeva - A Recovery and Support Mindfulness Gathering.
Peace and love always 
Day 712,
Taking my last two vacation days of year today and tomorrow to catch up on sleep/rest/normalize before the big stand by night stretch.
Sleep was good last night, body swung back to normal routine easily enough. Perhaps I’m acclimatizing to these rotations? Dunno 
, we’ll see.
Tomorrow is some self care, eye exam in morning, then haircut then an hour massage. Sounds like a good day!!
@DanielaJ thank you, I will be in the gym this morning and hitting some weights decently to get a good warm up and pump session going. I appreciate your note
Enjoy the wind up week before the insanity of the season hits all!
Hey all, checking in on day 2012. I hope everybody has a good one!
Congratulations!!! Woohoo 10 months!
Dreams are fascinating. I’m in the window where my psyche returned to full processing capacity, and I will reactivate the emotional and psychological material that made me use weed. Last night, I had a dream I had 80 days left to live. I need nearly two more cycles (if I include the first 30ish) to shed my old emotional patterns and its entanglement with weed. The number 80 and my death is related to weed because when you’re in active addiction, you cannot seperate how you’re operating and the substance. The death is what is letting go of weed, and also the old architecture I had to hold the addiction. The sobriety is this seperation and creating a new baseline. Every single dream I’ve had since sobriety is related to what weed surpressed, I know because I’m studing them. The next 60 days, because the first 30 are almost complete which is a physical reset, are about emotions and identity. The physical difficulties kind of blur the emotional difficulties, which is why they show up in dreams, when I’m physically shut down. What is coming I think is paying attention to overstimulation, sensitivity, grief, paranoia to some extent, fatigue, but what is ultimately waiting for me on the other end is strong instinct, clear boundaries, grounded presence and selective empathy. Exciting.
Day 29 no weed.
Good morning day 16
Wokethis morning to the power out and I need coffee lol. So I am put of the house earlier then usual. Dreading work as I don’t like what I am working on at the moment. But I will get through the day. I have a counseling session which I thought was yesterday oops my bad.. hope you all have a great day!!!
Good morning friends, day 41.
I had some wisdom come to me in prayer and meditation yesterday… Nothing new or revolutionary, but it struck me yesterday that so many others are impacted when I make selfish decisions.
If I want to be the strong protector and provider I aspire to be, no longer can I ever just think of myself.
My bad behaviors cause wide ripples.
Have a great day!
Checking in day 153.
Hi everyone, just wanted to check in on DAY 118—we’re getting close to 4 months! The last few “big” milestones have been a bit nerve-wracking. Knowing my brain can turn anything into a reward, I was so worried I’d slip again. But each time, I’ve managed to go further before I did. So, the anxiety of repeating my mistakes always lingered like a shadow. As for these pills, this is the longest I’ve gone without anything in almost 15 years. This milestone feels different, more reflective.
I’ve been here since December 17th last year (it’s interesting to note that I’m writing this the day before I would have celebrated a year if I hadn’t slipped). I’d tried to stop so many times before that. Since coming here that day, I haven’t had any “huge” relapses. It was usually just a case of doing one, immediately regretting it, and coming right back here with my tail tucked. In the last 364 days, I’ve taken just 5 pills. That used to be my breakfast just to get the kids up for school. It’s truly amazing to look back on how incredibly (and disturbingly) I would go through day to day life. This community has been so important to most of my successes over the past year. So many of you mean more than you could ever know. Whether it’s your support, tough love, or just being there. I truly don’t think I would have made the progress I have in the last year without this community. So today, I’m grateful. Light & Love ALL 
234 days sober. I have had random drinking toughts for few days now. Maybe because of the stress (too much work to do) or maybe it is just addiction. "How relaxing it would be to take one drink and why to bother being stressed and angry with denying the drinking. "
I hope it helps to write this down. I definetely don’t want to mess this up. I also wish that the soberness wouldn’t have to be forced but that it would be something simple, volunteering and happily done. It feels now that I urge myself to be sober and I am angry not happy because of this choice. One day at a time, not gonna drink today.
Day 59.
All grades have been submitted and it is officially another 4.0 semester. I am very proud of what I was able to accomplish this Fall. There were definitely days when I didn’t know if I was going to be able to come out on top, but despite it all, I prevailed.
Hubs and I are both sick with this damn cold, but at least we’re sick together. I’m smack dab in the worst of it; surrounded by little balled-up tissue-flowers, chugging water, sinus headache from the pressure, chills, sore throat… the works.
I think I have a whole lotta nothin’ on the docket again today. Rest. Epsom salt bath. Tea. Soup. Movies. The nice thing about being sick is that it makes drinking sound awful. Feeling confident about crossing the 60 day mark with ease. 
Day 3 . Re-gifted a bottle of Good Whiskey a customer gave me as a gift.Feels strange 
,I’m better sober 
@positivethoughts I’m so glad to see that your intuition has led you to a matching counselor. I love the 10/10 meaningful endeavors.
@ceejayboi You are not crazy. All, or two, or one at a time all depend on the individual. You can do whatever you truly want. Just ask @s_unrelax who just hit 70 days without both 
@stacyann You got this… 6 months is right around the corner 
@just_laura Working on yourself is exhausting, but well worth it 
@lucalds I am in tears feeling this share. I also had a friend since grade school that I had to cut ties with for the same reasons. We must do what is best for ourselves. It’s beautiful to see you chose yourself. Keep doing that and you definitely do got this. I am patiently waiting for your project to dry as well lol 
@Daniela WooooHooooo 60 Days (and 40-ish lol) Love it! Thank you for being here 
@Hazy 10 MONTHS!!! I love this for you 
@mxelle This is a very interesting post. I love dream interpretation. 30 Days tomorrow… loving it 
Checking in on 149 days THC free and 64 days MO free. We’re taking it easy today. I had an awesome birthday. Thanks for all the birthday wishes! It seems that my friends on here remembered more than my new “friends” but it’s ok! You remember what you want to remember and if they chose not to then I have to be OK with that. It just lets me know where I stand in their life. But anyway, back to my awesome birthday! We spent it at the beach! Then dinner at Chili’s and a walk downtown to see the Christmas lights. Taking it easy today around the house and getting things together for my party on Saturday. Tomorrow we’re having dinner at my cousin’s house and I get to see my God parents! 
Feeling blessed and loved!
1771 days alcohol free
A few days ago I had to stop at a liquor store and get a gift request made by a coworker. Its the first time in a very long time I had no choice but to go myself. I have to say it was absolutely horrible. The smell, the store front labeling, signage everywhere. Made me sick just to pull into the parking lot. I hesitated to even get out and go inside. But I picked up the one gift I needed and got out as fast as possible. Then I found myself embarrassed to walk out of the store and be seen leaving. I made it through though and hope I don’t have to do that again……..ever. Funny how it was almost a home away from home for me in my past but now I was completely embarrassed to be even seen there. Very odd feeling.
Wednesday AM. 
Wishing I had some time alone at home to wrap Christmas presents (not happening this week or next), so I’ve got to work around that mental obstruction and burnout in my head. Wish it didn’t bug me!
So many positives though.:
-my wife made awesome quiches for dinner last night. My favourite leftovers await
-office work is going perfectly
-got 7.00 hrs of sleep last night.. best one of the week
-my daughter is wearing a beautiful Christmas sweater dress today. There are themed outfits every day this week at daycare, and my wife has planned and laid out outfits for me to dress her in. So great.
-my daughter is still going to bed super late every night, but my wife and I have resolved to have at least a few minutes of couple time every day this week. We’ve got to remember to not keep sweeping that aside
I hope you have a great ODAAT 
I went 14 hrs without a cigarette and gave up this morning. Clearly not ready for that one but when I am i will know just like I made a plan to quit drinking
@mxelle Hi Melanie,
I read your story carefully.
I noticed how you set boundaries around compliments and motivation. Your relationship with your ego is calm and mature. I appreciate this conscious adjustment.
What stands out to me in what you say is not so much the struggle against a substance as the refusal to tell yourself stories about what really happens when it is no longer there. The way you talk about the emptiness, the nameless frustration, and the work that it involves seems very accurate to me.
I appreciate your analysis of what consumption suspended: first the body, then emotions, then identity. It’s an honest mapping of what is starting to move again. It’s interesting to read, even for an alcoholic. Thank you.
Feel free to write.
