@mno Well done on your 2400 days!!! Oh man I’m so sorry to read that. What a loss. Beautiful building and landmark. Hope they are able to rebuild.
OOH enjoy! Glad your cousin is starting to make jokes - hope his healing goes quickly
It is good to be prepared for the triggers and plan ahead. Know we are always available here too so you are not alone. Hope you can calm that anxiety and enjoy the remaining time off before work. Work i’m sure will be fine once you get there
@DanielaJ Some impressive numbers there - keep up the amazing work. Sorry for the rough start. Hope the outdoors helped Good luck with the job application
@Leveller Laugh away friend - we have to find the humor in our days. WOW - you did get in a lot of movement today. Hope that helped warm you up - I know its winter but I still can not stand the cold LOL Grateful for warm cozy blankets
@Christophe The cravings are a bear but they do go away - just don’t give them any attention - keep focused on the puzzle - maybe put on a podcast in the background to also engage your mind in so that you don’t have room for the cravings.
@Dazercat HAPPY 6th year of your sobriety! So very proud of you and grateful to have you with me on this journey. Found a zip up hoodie for you
Day 1419
Morning and happy Friday! Had a slow start to my day but eventually got up and going at around 930am. Got the dishes done and made some pb protein bars already. Did a little organizing in the kitchen also to make room for my new Ninja Creami. Havent used it yet but I will on Monday when I get some ingredients for it Hoping I can make some high protein icecream to satisfy my evening cravings.
Things are good overall. My son returns to school on Monday, so Ill be back at the gym full time. My eating has been better recently too. I gained 7lb in December tho Not great but I honestly thought it was going to be higher so Ill take it lol im making better food choices but still struggling with a little bit of snacking (evenings are hard).
Recovery is good! Still need to get back to being more consistent with prayer tho. But I havent had any urges or thoughts of using in many months! Im grateful for that! I actually love my life today. Its not perfect but the things I have today, are the things I wished for when I was in the problem. So im happy
Checking in today. Not much going on. Cleaning my place, organizing some things. Thinking about sobriety and how I just gave up the fight for a bit. No excuses…just what happened. And each time I fall, it gets harder to pull back, not because I can’t, but because of the shame. And getting to a point where there’s no guilt. I was told that if I fell to not beat myself up. But unfortunately that leads to not trying. I know my person ‘means well’ cause they don’t like seeing me upset, but I think the guilt is also what keeps me trying. Almost like I fall into a state of not caring what happens because there’s no guilt. And that is also a scary place to be, because then you don’t have a reason to try. Anyway these are just my thoughts today.
For me sobriety is a tool. Sobriety is not the end goal in itself but it’s a prerequisite. A sine qua non. Without it I could not have achieved anything I have in the last 6.5 years. I needed and need to be sober to change my life from the miserable one I had back then to the much better one I live now.
Just being sober on itself means nothing to me. Being sober means I can work on myself and my relationships, through peer support, through self help, through therapy, through my work. And at the same time I couldn’t stay sober without doing all this work. Hard work yes, but all works of love. I’ve gained so much.
So my honest advice to you would be to find your reason, your goal. How can your life benefit from sobriety? What is there to gain for you? What could make you care enough? Shame and guilt IMHO aren’t motivators that will see you through friend. And I’d love to see you succeed. For you. You deserve a happy life. Hugs and love to you
@DanielaJ I absolutely love this. It’s exactly what’s happened to me in the past on occasion. I thought, what’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have a thought up there .
Perhaps I was being too hard on myself.
@Amelie I absolutely did, and appreciate everything you wrote. So many ideas in there for a more wholesome planner/journal. Gives me some great ideas as to what I can do with this process!
@Mno I love your flow and focus. And apologies for diving in.
There’s a quiet steadiness there. Clarity without forcing it, reflection without self-punishment.
That balance isn’t accidental. It comes from showing up, and staying present. You’re doing the real work, and it shows.
A reason why I enjoy your posts and insights immensely.
I loved what you had written. Thank you for sharing
Thank you all for your insight and feedback. Definitely things to help guide me and I think you’ve settled me on actual pen (well mechanical pencil) and paper (I have collected many great journal style books over the years that perhaps it’s finally time to dust off and use)
To start I’m thinking simplistic. A way to Get things out of my head. Not overcomplicate and let it grow if it wants naturally. Something like;
What I did today
One thing that felt better than last week
One thing that annoyed me
Just a dump and let go sort of thing to free them from my mind.
I appreciate you all for sharing your experiences and history.
Your right. Once I start getting days under my belt, I start remembering the sobriety isn’t just about not drinking. It’s about working on one’s character defects. And it’s about service, and it’s about what you achieve while you’re sober. And I remember, and I know this that alcohol steals one’s potential. So thank you for your kind word. We also know that there’s lots of people that have struggled and have been exactly where I am. And I know those same people have years of sobriety now. I just have to get there.
Day 5 - Doing pretty good. I forgot about the sugar cravings/sleepiness. I wasn’t drinking nearly as much as previously, but I can still feel those aspects. I’ve had a few moments today where my brain is like “let’s get dopamine hits and hide” aka “let’s get wine and watch women who have a lot of money enjoying their riches” and I just shut it down every time the thought arises. Fuck that shit. I came to make this post because a little thought snuck in. Sorry brain, I know you’re afraid and want to hide, but I’ve got this for us. We have work to tend to.
The New Year was peaceful. I stayed sober (pretty easily, actually). Hubs and I FINALLY updated our bedding and got a soft, luxurious mattress cover and bamboo sheets and pillow covers. It feels like an actual bed now instead of a rag-tag, thrown together hodge-podge of blankets.
We dropped off a carload of blanket donations to the local animal shelter this morning (our linen closets look IMMACULATE now) then took another carload of garage donations to Goodwill. Progress. The garage will 100% be finished before the Spring semester starts up again. A HUGE weight off my shoulders.
We’re going out of town for about a week for a funded writing retreat, and I feel optimistic about not wanting a drink while we’re there. There’s a lot I want to see and work on and I want to remember all of it. I need my mental clarity.
Happy New Year, everyone. Feeling very light and grateful going into this year.
Late afternoon Check in 165 days THC free and 80 days MO free! I had a bunch of errands to run this morning. I made it home right before noon. I’ve been taking it easy the rest of the day. My new markers and coloring book came in today. So I’ve been having fun with that and watching movies. No celebrate recovery tonight. I’m staying in this evening. I have an early shift tomorrow and I told my boss that I’d work a split shift so she can get a couple of days off. Between people calling in sick and quitting she’s had it rough.
It is the best feeling!!! I have set my background to my daughter so I am reminded every time I look at my counter of my why & it is just an overwhelming feeling
Later than usual, I check in on day 134. I woke up with a terrible headache again, but I took some Tylenol and lay back down for a while. I’m doing better now. I need to change my eating habits. I got lazy during the holidays and ate way too much takeout. I think that’s part of the frequent headaches. The weather isn’t helping either. I’m having a quiet evening of yin yoga and meditation. I’ve been seeing the color green everywhere. I’m not sure what the meaning is, but there’s surely one. Even my dreams have been tinted green.
So very proud of you and grateful to have you with me on this journey. Found a zip up hoodie for you 
Hoping I can make some high protein icecream to satisfy my evening cravings.
Not great but I honestly thought it was going to be higher so Ill take it lol im making better food choices but still struggling with a little bit of snacking (evenings are hard).
