I did it! Qualifier workouts are complete. Got the 5th one done this morning. Really proud of myself and what I accomplished this week. Once we get everything submitted for our team, we wait to see if we did well enough for an invite to the comp in October. Super fun morning with the gym crew today. Thanks again everyone for the support, means so much to me.
Pretty mellow Saturday. Took a break from chores to run some errands and enjoy a much needed pedicure.
Hi Dana I dont have much advice to offer but I wanted to send virtual hugs. It’s really not fun to be sitting in being triggered by such traumatic images as we can see some days online. I’m sorry that’s how you’re feeling, at least in the moment that you posted. I hope your day improves. I’m so glad you aren’t living in those times anymore.
Checking in day 345. Sacred summer rain. Hopefully the ground will get soaked enough to lower fire risk over the Saturday 4th of July holiday weekend. I was out on the reservation road, and saw all the Native American legal fireworks stands. With beer brand names like “Millertime” and “Budweiser”. Highly polluting Chinese products sold to white ppl by indigenous ppl. Weird cultural constructions. Sober.
Checking in still sober.
Did sleep a bit over 5h. All things considered, 26 °C in the room, it’s okay.
What I am missing still from my worst summer on the Cote d’Azur 3 years ago is the cruel humidity but this will come tomorrow.
Thanks so much! It takes some time to figure out how to find the the threads!
Have a lovely Sunday. I’m on my way to do some work on my ex’s garden (my plants). Can’t stand to watch the weeds destroy it. I’ll try to keep my cool, and leave before he gets on my nerves too much.
It was nice falling asleep last night as a huge storm moved in which lasted through most of the night. Woke up a number of times because of some big thunderclaps, but managed to get back to sleep fairly easy each time. Consequently I’m feeling more rested than I have in days.
The insane heat has moved to other parts of Europe for now. It’s still going to be a warm summer’s day, but I can live through that and do some stuff instead of hiding in place with the curtains and windows all closed. Happy with that. Until the next heat wave.
Not sure what to do with my day yet. Some chores. A bit of shopping. Some other stuff I don’t know yet. I’ll make today as good a day as I possibly can. It will be sober and clean or nothing will come of it. Hope you will all join me in that. Much love from Leyla and me. She likes to make journalling a bit harder for me.
Last night my depression hit a big low and I was scared of going into crisis. I wanted to drink and I wanted to hurt myself. So I did what I always do when I feel this low, just go to sleep. I build in this safety mechanism years ago. It’s like pressing a reset button. And it worked. I am still feeling depressed and on edge but don’t feel like drinking, using or hurting myself.
I know that when I am this low I should reach out, to friends or the crisis hotline. But when I am like this I can’t. Guilt about being a burden just overwhelming. I know better but I just can’t, not at this time. Hopefully DBT will make this easier for me in the future.
So today I started my routine and dressed myself in outside clothes as a motivation to actually go out (dress for the mental health you want, right?). I really wanted to see my friend today, but on sundays she works, in a bar… So that is not an option right now. But there is a French market close by so I might go there. At least it’s a good excuse for a walk as the weather is really nice.
Thank you for letting me share and vent. It helps me put my thoughts in order.
You’re here, sharing helps you say and I believe (in) you. You’re reaching out. To us. You’re present. You’re doing better than you think. Thanks for being here, thanks for trusting us and the process. Big hugs.
You’ve come a tremendous distance since that dark time and you help so many others and make such a difference in this world . I know you definitely make a huge difference in mine .
Social media is toxic all round and can be very triggering . Stay away definitely from it, if you can ….i think I would have come off it already if it didn’t use it for work .
All my love , stay close to us … weee here for you
I dont have much advice to offer but I wanted to send virtual hugs. It’s really not fun to be sitting in being triggered by such traumatic images as we can see some days online. I’m sorry that’s how you’re feeling, at least in the moment that you posted. I hope your day improves. I’m so glad you aren’t living in those times anymore. 
