I miss running. My ankles and knees do NOT. 
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Hi 
ST Community, checking-in w/ 390 days SOBER. Getting close to 400 days Challenge goal, I would like to keep going towards 500 days, and so forth. ODAAT.
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Checking Day 12, second check in
Iāve arrived at our holiday accommodation for a week. Fond but sad memories of the last time I was here as it was the last summer where I had both my step daughter and my son in my life. Just my son and I this time (as my step daughter lives with her mum and her mums new partner).
Was about 4 1/2 hours of driving in the end. Which is a lot for me though nothing on @RaggedTrouseredPhil ās recent journey!
Iām happy to be away. My son is super excited about some just me and him time. Its wonderful to see and rather infectious even if I am really tired. Grateful for the chance to spend some quality time with him. Still need to keep my recovery as my first priority and only do what I can.
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Day 160!
People donāt know how to approach me when they see my scars. they make their reaction so obvious and even comment on them sometimes in front of other strangers. I think it makes people uncomfortable because when ppl see someone with sh scars they have no idea what to say or how to react. Sometimes they feel like they need to say something about my scars bc they think they might be helpful or something. Like I donāt need random peoples help but I think they just feel like they need to do or say something. Just bc Iām wearing short sleeves does not mean I am asking for help or support from strangers but thatās how they perceive it. Just the other day a complete stranger TOUCHED MY ARM and then shared that they tried it before and then acted out how they did it! Like why do they have to be so weird about it??? Why canāt people just leave me alone and not feel obligated to say anything when they donāt understand 
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Does anyone else find visual stimulus extremely triggering?
My particular addiction relates to acting out with women. That includes in-person acting out & online acting outā¦ so, obviously visual images will be triggering.
Iām just shocked how triggering they feel when Iām trying to avoid acting out!
*Iām curious if those with other kinds of addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling, etc) still find visual stimulus sometimes crazy triggering?
If so, how do you deal with that?
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Day 8 sober.
Tomorrow will be 8 years off the booze, I feel like its a missed opportunity numerically. Itāll be 9 days tomorrow though, and some folks know how much number 9 means to me.
I started here 8 years ago on day 1. And in 2020, my addiction came roaring back. Iāve been on and off struggling since then, using weed. Itās become a terrible addiction.
Iāll make a post demain.
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I appreciate you sharing your feeling on thisā¦
Iām super new to recovery and this community. And honestly, Iām super new to even caring enough about another person to want to support themā¦
So, to be honest, I wouldnāt even know how to begin dealing with a situation where I wanted to support someone with a struggle like me.
Your commentary gives me a little insight - permission, and being welcomed in means a lot.
By the way, 160 days?
ā¦phenomenal!
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I hear you there and I am sorry on the behalf of the other people. They either are ignorant or just stupid and not thinking anything at all. I quess when we see something new that we donāt understand then we act in a strange and stupid way sometimes. I could bet that most of them donāt mean any harm or bad to you but that doesnāt mean much if they still make you feel uncomfortable. I donāt know what to say really or how to transform these situations on to your favor. I really donāt, sorry. I just want to stay that they are not yet maybe full grown and self conscious and lack the ability to confront other being as themselves as they truely are. A sufficiently self-aware person knows how to encounter another person as a human being.
You are a great and beautiful person and I hope you know it. Hugs and love friend. We are all together here for eachother.
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Day 1625 clean and sober
Day 21 free from binge/disordered eating
Happy Monday TS fam! Im having a decent day so far. Its currently noon and I already got my workout done. Just having lunch with my son now and then will do some physio with him. After that, Ill get an online meeting in. Thats really about it for my day. Its really a pretty relaxing day, which is nice bcuz the rest of this week is busy with 2 appointments (Tue & Wed) and a summer event (Thur).
Have a great day everyone! Lets do this day addiction free!!
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My addiction is to drugs and i do find it triggering/uncomfortable when i happen to see visuals of certain paraphernalia on the ground or of people on the streets here using. Even seeing it on TV (for example I dont like watching the show āInterventionā). I also get triggered when TV shows talk about prostitution or when I see the lady in my building heading out with her tricks (as I was a former sex worker - which was also a form of addiction for me).
I normally just let the thought pass like a cloud floating thru my mind. I do A LOT of self talk alsoā¦ I remind myself that I am no longer that person who uses drugs etc. That I have a different life today. A much better life! I dont need drugs or fast money anymore. If it really bothers me, Ill talk it out with someone or post on here for help.
In early recovery, it was a bit harder to let these thoughts go. But now, having some clean time and away from that entire lifestyle, its easier to just brush it off 
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Great job on day 2!!! So glad that u were able to work thru those urges yesterday. This forum does wonders if u stay active here! Glad to have u here with us!
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Haha yeah my knees start to play up too if I donāt give myself enough recovery time
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This caught my attentionā¦
I donāt have a good relationship with food right now. Iām not gaining any weight; Iām losing.
I donāt have an appetite for almost any healthy food, no matter how well prepared. I only want to eat junk food (not sweets): fried, greasy foods, fast foods, restaurant food. But, I donāt actually eat it oftenā¦
So, Iām not getting enough calories (thus, the weight loss), but all my calories are poor quality. Iām not overweight; Iām out of shape, and I feel pretty lethargicā¦
*Iāve always wondered if this struggle was related to my addiction. It seems like it may be possible to have some cross over with addiction (Iām addicted to this, which makes it easier for me to be addicted to that?).
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I so canāt wait to be able to do this successfully. And, the word āletā stands outā¦
Iām constantly trying to make thoughts pass - trying to force them out - and that doesnāt seem to work.
In fact, I try to force everything in my life - and without any success.
So, learning to āletā things go, or let things happen will be a very new skill for me.
ā¦I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the visual stimulation. It gives me some things to think about.
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I meanā¦ it could be possible. I find that I can easily substitute one addiction for another (unless I get to the root cause of why Im reaching for outside sources to make myself feel okay). I used to be quite thin in my using days, but when i got clean and sober 4+ years ago, my eating became sooooo bad. I absolutely was trying to cope with life and with my emotions thru food. I go to a 12 step program called OA now for my food issues but OA encompases all forms of compulsive food behavioursā¦ not just for overeating/binge eating. People who are addicted to sugar or who restrict their food intake even belong to that program. Its super helpful for me anyway.
I find that i can get addicted to almost anythingā¦ the gym, my phone, shopping, food, whatever it may be. As long as I continue to search for something outside of myself to help me cope with life, Ill never get that ātrueā recovery. I may be free from my addictions but i wont have that sense of genuine peace and serenity.
Today, i try to access my HP on a daily basis to help me go thru life. To guide me in my thoughts and actions every day. That HP (my spirituality) fills that āvoidā that Ive been trying to fill for over 20 years
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I donāt think itās swapping around, I think the lack of appetite your experiencing and a craving for junk food is actually a symptom of withdrawal.
I donāt know specifically what youāre dealing with but itās something I noticed with my own addiction. If I cut out my DOC then junk food, video games or something else highly stimulating I start to crave it more than usual.
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Do u think this is related to control?? Like, wanting to control situations or the outcome? Can I ask if u believe in any sort of HP (Higher Power) of ur own understanding?
I love that u have alot of self-awareness!! Thats amazing I didnt realize i was a ācontrolā freak until I went thru the steps lol Its a hard thing to breakā¦ for me anyway. I want things to constantly go a certain way lol. But in all reality, my best thinking got me to this point (being an addict in recovery). So i find that, relying on that Power (who knows everything before it even happens), absolutely releases alot of that stress and anxiety and frustration about how things play out. I do my part (what I can) in those situations and then again let go of the outcome to that HP 
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I have seen the damaging effects of my addiction for many years. So, as far as self awareness, I just canāt help but notice what kind of person Iāve beenā¦ I will say, although Iāve tried to āsober upā many times, Iām more desperate to do so now. And, I guess that desperation has made me more self reflectiveā¦
I was raised in a strict religious environment mostly through my maternal grandmother (my mom was not practicing anything).
I hang around it, but I donāt really practice religion. I will say, I do pray to God, but weāre not really friends - weāre more, just acquainted; we talk sometimes.
EDIT: Yes, I absolutely feel a need to control as much as possible. Because from my life experience, when Iām not in control, I get hurt a lot.
I think that feeds into my addiction. With my acting out, I feel in control of the situation. Itās one of the few times I do really feel in control
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Welcome. Glad your here
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Checking in
I had a regular day, I went for breakfast with my neighbor, after that I spent 2 hours at the gym. It was cloudy today, and quite humid, so no pool time for me.
I get sad and anxious when I watch the news about the uncontrollable fires raging in Spain mainland and Franceā¦ 
Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
My eating hasnāt been the best the past days, I ate too much ice cream 
Tomorrow I have to go back to work, Iām looking forward to my regular routine. Off to bed now 
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