Checking in for Accountability

I’ve gave up for good 6 hours ago. I don’t want to turn back. The night is setting in and I’m feeling like caving. I’ve made my choice and want to be free from bondage.

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Hi. I am in the same boat. I gave up alcohol at 10:30 this morning. I’m so thankful it’s getting close to bedtime for me. My resolve was good until about 6:00 pm. I am just repeating to myself now that I can’t keep waking up not remembering things. I can’t keep waking up with the feeling of dread and anxiety in my heart. I’m just in the stage of reading a lot and figuring out how to even get support and how to be honest with the people I love about how big of a problem it’s really become for me. It’s hard and scary. Are you doing okay?

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Welcome to the both of you Julianna @JG7804 and Laurie @LaurieVee :slight_smile:

Reading a lot on sobriety can be a great help to stay focussed and motivated.
What might also help, is writing down the pros and cons of drinking. That way you’ll get yourself a black on white motivation to read back when craving :+1:

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@LaurieVee @Fargesia_murielae thank you for the reply. What makes it hard is how hard I’m being on myself. Thinking of how much of my life I’ve ruined. Then thinking of the work it’s going to take to rebuild. I’ve been crying off and on throughout the day since I last quit.

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Early sobriety is an emotional rollercoaster :wink:

Don’t think about it too much now, focus on staying sober.
If those feelings grow too strong though, consider working the 12 steps. A great way of dealing with them.

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Welcome here Julianna and @LaurieVee as well,
Glad you’ve found us!
This app has helped me a lot to become sober. I’m addicted to alcohol and sober for more then 2,5 years now. First weeks of recouvery are difficult but push trough and you will make it.
What has helped me was stripping my house from all the alcohol and empty bottles. I avoided alcohol related events like drinking friends, pub, restaurant, festival, even the wine section at the supermaket.
I filled my fridge with healthy foods, but also bought chocolat to treat myself when I had strong cravings.
I was here a lot. First year I was here every day to check in sober. I never missed a day back then.
Congratulations with your desicion be sober!
Your in my group now!! :partying_face:
success-see-your-goal-understand-the-obstacles-create-a-positive-mental-picture-clear-your

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Welcome @LaurieVee and @JG7804! Well done on deciding enough is enough, this journey is a hard one but together we can do it. The first few days are hard but you must keep on moving forward. Drink plenty of water and write down how you feel/felt. Write everything down in a letter to yourself. How much you drank some of the awful things you did or said when you drank. Write it all down so that you can read it back when you start to feel better and the cravings come. This place is my only support tool. It’s such a great place with so much support from people that are going through this also. I’m at nearly 670 day and I couldn’t of done it without this place. Come here everyday. Check in on the check in thread and reach out if you need to. Because this place is global there is always someone around if you need to chat. Be gentle with yourself. Welcome to the family :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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Welcome! Be as active as you can, it really helps. Expect cravings, plan for them…

We are all here to help.

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@LaurieVee and @JG7804 - honestly this sound like where I was on Sunday… I had an absolute melt down at work on Friday and binged all the way through until easily hours Sunday morning; considered ending it all. And I don’t know what light bulb moment it was, but for me, it’s totally different this time.
I’ve had days in the past where I said ‘no more drinking today’ and I’d get to 2 days and I’d make excuses for myself or ‘I’ll just have 1’ but I never could just have 1.
Turns out, I am an alcoholic. I might not drink from brown bottles in the park etc - from the outside I’m a well presented mum of two and a wife… but truth is, deep down, I’ve known for so long that alcohol controlled me.
I’m starting day 5 today and honestly, I have never felt so determined. When I watch tv and see people with a glass of wine, part of me is envious - but I accept that I am not programmed to be able to cope with having just one glass.
I have to abstain.
I’ve been checking in to this group daily and it’s such an eye opener to see we’re not alone; so many of us have similar stories.
I lost my mum very suddenly 4 years ago and I used alcohol to mask my pain… I even had red wine the morning of her funeral and stumbled about the wake in a mess. From then on, I’d drink bottles of wine in secret - go out for meals with my friend and drink so much I didn’t know how I got home. I’d go to work with the worst hangover. When lockdown started, I starting decanting bottles of wine in 2 litre water bottles and hiding them and would keep drinking from them throughout the day when I was working from home… I started buying boxes of wine which contained 3 bottles as could do those in just over a day… (bear in mind I’m small - 5ft)
My kids would see me buy wine when we went shopping and I’d tell them not to tell daddy I bought it… I’d hide empty bottles in public bins… it was a vicious and horrible cycle.
I won’t, and can’t go back there.
I’m happy for any messages - anytime - if I can be a support - because I know that I too, need all the support I can get

Bears x (claire)

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Hi Claire

I am a mom of two myself and this whole mommy drinking culture dragged me quite far in for the past couple of years. I always was a happy drunk. When our daughter saw hubby and me doing drunk karaoke, she said: “Oh, this looks like so much fun, can’t wait to be old enough to drink!” (she’s 11 and that was light bulb moment #1 for me…)

I quit for a couple of weeks. Felt easy. So I couldn’t really have a drinking problem, right? Well, we know the answer… Started again with only 2 glasses of wine - but the will power to moderate went out of the window VERY fast. Turns out I can not moderate. If I only have 1 sip, there’s a 90% chance I will be blackout drunk by the end of the evening. So, I guess, we know what we have to do.

Sending a hug from Switzerland
Christine

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I’m new I’m hurting

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Great thread. I related a lot to these posts. My last drink 92 days ago was also at 10:30 in the morning. TS is a great support community. I also do AA, The Luckiest Club zoom meetings, sobriety books and podcasts. So glad you all shared your struggles. It will get better.

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I didn’t have to reset my timer but I came so so close. I’m awake and practicing self care. I took a shower, went to Walmart, shopped for some fresh food. I went with oatmeal and fruit. Heading to work in a couple hours I hope to be productive today!

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Way to stay strong. You got this :heart:

Thanks for this comment and your encouragement. Yay 10:30 club! I’ve been starting to gather podcasts. I am really liking Sober Powered. It’s really helped me reframe things in terms of my shame and guilt to hear that we don’t get addicted because we’re bad or defective, we get addicted because alcohol is an addictive substance. And it’s everywhere and easy to get and marketed like crazy. It’s definitely helping me feel less alone. I know this is going to be hard but I am starting to feel encouraged.

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@Bears Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I’ve been drinking to cope for about 5 years. Before that, drinking was a fun night out. But it’s gotten progressively worse, to the point where for the past 2 years I was often drinking or drunk at work. I also was a secret drinker. My boyfriend believed that I actually gave it up 6 months ago. It’s scary to think I’m able to be that deceptive and dishonest. That’s who alcohol makes me. I don’t have control, and I don’t have an off switch. I’ve also always struggled with depression and of course anxiety and hangovers and everything else didn’t help and I started having thoughts about dying. I can’t do it anymore.

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@LaurieVee - if there is any support I can offer you, feel free to message me anytime. You’re really not alone

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@Bears Thank you. I am so grateful for this community.

OMG, lady. We are the same. Drank while working from home through the whole pandemic. Boxed red wine starting bright and early every morning. Client calls while drinking :woman_facepalming:. Please know that you are not alone. I’ve read a ton of quit lit and participate in several sobriety communities. I’ve struggled for years. I’m absolutely rooting for you. There is so much comfort in knowing that our struggles were similar.

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@LeeHawk I’m rooting for you too!! Thank you so much