Just been busy with counseling and therapy and finally got out of the shitty situation I was in. Still clean from my addictions and aside from my clinical depression, I feel happy for once. My life is getting better through hard work and perseverance. But at the same time I struggle and fight with demons in my head they want me turn back. They’re telling me “Remember the good times?” I say “Remember when you almost made me lose my family and possibly my life?” I can’t sleep but it’s normal because my Insomnia is severe and I can’t sleep because of nightmares but overall my life has been slightly better. The nightmares stem from my past relationship they keep poking at the back of my mind. Traumatic flashbacks have me fucked up every day and I can’t relax for a second without thinking about her Slashing her leg with a kitchen knife and blaming me.
I suffer from PTSD, terribly. I was also diagnosed with depression,
Therapy has been helpful, as has been writing out my story, it was painful reliving all of it as I spilled it out, but relieving as I chipped away at my past demons. It was a very breaking the chains moment for me.
I am also on medication for the nightmares, talk to your therapist/psychiatrist about it
Now all that’s left is to get into a new place and the hell out of this toxic shithole
I’ve also been trying to avoid pharmaceuticals because they don’t mix well with my body. I’ve been researching what foods increase tryptophan levels and produce natural melatonin because I think I may need to lessen my intake of melatonin supplements. Because I also found out that can cause nightmare
I can’t take melatonin, it makes me super anxious,
However, I do take a magnesium and zinc supplement, very beneficial for men’s Health and sleeping
My first husband was an abusive asshole. I’ve been where you are. It takes time to not feel like they’re around every corner ready to jump out. I still have the occasional flashback 15 years later but luckily my current husband knows to to handle them. It gets better, you’ll get there over time.
Thank you 