Good morning 
This morning I woke up full of energy and ready to take on the day with a smile. However, all days aren’t like that for me. Some days I wake up and I just feel like the world is out to get me. I’m anxious and depressed and throughout the day I’m irritable and moody. That was yesterday for me. It’s crazy to me how my days can differ. Waking up on the ride side of the bed must really be a thing.
Last night, for the first time in a few weeks I’d say I actually wanted to have a drink. I only thought about it of course. A lot. Everything and everyone was just pissing me off beyond measure and I seriously didn’t know why.
I decided to just take a walk. Just breath. Take some time, to think. And when I was done I wasn’t thinking about that drink anymore.
I’m still really early on in my recovery. Not even 2 months yet and I’m still afraid that I’m going to make an excuse and have something to drink. But at the same time, I know that I’m strong and I don’t want to drink.
Idk. Some days are just harder than others. So I thought of I could jot down the following day how shitty my previous day was, it could help.
Still sober. And still moving forward.
XO- KEM
This was me! And I let it get the best of me and relapsed.
Eventually, I sobered up again, but with a realization.
A large part of life is out of my control. Sure, there’s certain things I can control, like making sure my bills are paid on time, doing my chores, showing up to work, etc. But the big things, totally out of my control. How other people act (towards me), out of my control. Traffic on the way to picking up the kids from school, or the slow people at the supermarket, all out of my control. Everything under the sun, out of my control. But what I do control is my reaction.
I realized that life just happens, whether I here or not… So no need to get angry about it.
As I said, I let all that get the best of me. You sound like your also going down that path, take heed and reverse course before its too late!