Heyyy so I’ve been trying like hell to get back on the wagon. My fiance and i, we had 4 years clean together before this last relapse. And this relapse has by far been the hardest. We had been doing dope that had that xylazine “tranq” in it and let me just tell you that is the worst shit you can ever get involved in. I have cold turkey stopped and gone through some pretty rough withdrawals… but nothing like this. My poor girl, 70% of her arms became infected and affected by this posion. I have a pretty narly scar on my bicep but nothing like my sweet babe. She’s lost all her self confidence. It breaks my heart. And all we’ve wanted since we relapsed in December 2024 was to get clean and this shit with that tranq in it, made it impossible. The w withdrawals, i can’t even explain… I’m talking horrid. Weve been rushed to the hospital probably 8 times in the last few months, so fucking desperate to get clean. But this last hospital stay, something clicked and for the first time in my life I’ve been able to sit through the cravings. Which is moving mountains for me to be able to conquer. I feel happy, and enthusiastic … but also terrified… but I’m just taking this one day at a time. Plus when you have your partner going through the same shit, it makes it very hard to focus on yourself. But yeah. Felt good to get that out and thanks for listening. From roanoke, virginia with love 
Welcome to the community. I’m sorry for what you are both going through, that’s has to be tough.
Congrats on day 5. The best anxiety relief for me is through exercise. Also, some apps like Balance that have meditation can help too.
Welcome @Lilu88 - happy you’re finding your sober space. It will come! Welcome to Talking Sober 
Welcome @Lilu88
Congrats on finding the strength to push through such painful withdrawals. You deserve the peace of sobriety.
You can do this. And just because you failed before doesn’t mean you’ll fail this time. This time you can be successful and learn from your relapse. This is a change that is worthwhile think of what it will be like once you are through the detox.
My experience was always better in a 5 or 7 day detox center, might give that a shot. Those are usually free.
Welcome Lindsey to the forum! Im glad ur here 
How have u been doing since u posted last?
My husband and I also used to use together and we got clean the same time. Being in recovery with ur partner can be tough at times. Lota of emotion and whatnot can interfere.
Im glad that u were able to get past those cravings tho! Thats huge! Really proud of u for that! Hope to see u posting more
And there lies the road to recovery, concentrate on helping each other. I found when I focused inwards to my wants and needs I always found a valid reason to get wasted but now if I direct that energy into helping others I’m not left with enough time to keep fucking my own life up.
I wish you both well on your journey 
Have you been feeling better @Lilu88 ?