Mate I wish there was something I could do.
you can hopefully have a nice Christmas with your family and the people to whom you are close, and give no thought at all to people like me… that would be my suggestion
No it’s not. You’re hiding behind this mantra. Your low self opinion is founded in your belief you’ve not met some target you’ve learned early in life you were supposed to meet and you’re holding on to with all your might. It’s easier to live this way than to let go and develop your soul and change your prison, set your own standards. I’ve been where you are, so to speak, still am there partly. You do not need to feel like this for the rest of your life. You deserve better, simply because none deserves to live like this, and it is possible to grow out of it, with the right therapist and going through what it is in you that keeps you pinned in that place. Get to work my friend. It is worth it and possible. Thinking of you.
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Well, thank you for commenting, but to be honest, part of the problem is that I FAILED to meet the target that I had set for myself years ago, hence the idea of being 31 years past my “best before date”.
Therapists are for people who are worth something, or of some importance to others… mothers, fathers, husbands, wives… people like that. People like me don’t matter, and that’s a good thing since there’s no point wasting scarce resources or the time of people who really can of help to better people than I.
I live in a sober home… So it will be morning meeting at 7:30 as per usual. Day of service and fellowship, Xmas dinner, then a zoom meeting which also happens to be our chip night too 
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What target did you fail to meet? Sorry to hear you are feeling so terrible. It sounds like you are feeling very lonely because you want a family, but don’t have one of your own. Is that right?
I obviously don’t know you, but this is something that I think is universal… Relationships can of course be incredibly rewarding, but they do not define our worth. People who are single or childless are not unworthy of love or kindness.
Saying that, I get that Christmas can be very tough when you don’t have that kind of conventional ‘happy family’ stuff going on, because the marketing machine goes into overdrive for Christmas and taps into that sense of love and togetherness to encourage people to buy stuff!
Someone said this to me the other day, and it felt nice, so I am saying it to you: You deserve love, we all do. I took that to mean the kind of love that we can all give and receive, the compassion of humanity, rather than romantic love. There is community here, and you are part of it 
Are you involved in any offline recovery networks? Although depending on where in the world you are at the moment, they may be temporarily online!
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Who doesn’t fail to meet targets they set themselves?
I was going to spend my life in the navy, it lasted 6 years.
I was going to be in my own pub by the time I was 35, that didn’t happen.
I gave up after having failed so many targets I set myself.
Guess what, now I just take each day as it comes and, the most important part here:-
I value myself!
Not how I can be of value to anyone else?
But how I can be of value to me!
How can we expect others to value us if we don’t value ourselves.
You need to spend some time thinking on this one.
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Yeah, these targets feel like we set them ourselves and so it’s our fault we fell by our own expectations, when in fact how we treat ourselves and what we expect from ourselves has a lot to do with unconsciously learned values and experience made early in life. We hold ourselves to these internalised standards and end up truly feeling like it’s all our fault and we are failures. But it’s not and we are not. Challenge your believes, it’s your only way out. And it’s your responsibility to yourself. Only you can change it but you CAN. Even if you don’t believe me now, do like you did with your sobriety and trust ppl who’ve been there, take some guidance, man. From one (ex-)hopelessly depressed loser to the next.
The rest of what you’re saying speaks loudly of your stuckness. I really know what that’s like. You don’t sound like you’re ready to give up your comfortable position of defeat. I feel for you. I know that preaching doesn’t really make a difference unless the will to change is there though, so I just hope you’ll get the chance to experience the pain of staying the same becoming bigger than the pain of changing, as they say, and I sincerely hope you get to work on yourself. Wishing you the best.
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There’s nothing good that alcohol can’t ruin, and there’s nothing bad that alcohol can’t make worse. It is an addictive poison with a false euphoria that cannot be maintained without negative consequences. It destroys families and lives. Give yourself and your loved ones the Christmas gift of sobriety. Warm wishes!
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Can’t tell you how much I love this. The plans, the cats, everything. Wanna be there too myself but just am not yet this year.
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This will be my first sober Christmas and New Year and I am excited and overjoyed by that fact. Last year I was in the deep dark depths of active addiction, had to stop using for a few hours to spend time with family, felt so relieved to be sober for a few hours, but then the incessant anxiety and fear dragged me away from them all early in the evening so I could be home alone in my chemical poison prison hell. It sickens me to think back to that, but just makes being sober now feel even more of a luxury. Every sober 24hours is a blessing I never again want to deprive myself of 
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To be honest, my aim had been to get myself killed by the time I was 25.
Clearly, I screwed that up in a big way.
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I wish I could offer some advice or support that would help you feel more hopeful. I don’t know what you need to help you find it, but connection and community are important. It sounds like you are used to managing these kind of feelings, not that it makes it any nicer to go through it. Keep reaching out, I know it’s really hard to do when you’re feeling like shit and I admire you for doing it.
If you need more than what we can give here, a reminder of some of the support that’s available in the US and UK - if you’re in a different part of the world then I’m sure people here will be happy to help you find something more local if you need it.
United States
Crisis Text Line is the free, 24/7, confidential text message service for people in crisis. Text HOME to 741741 in the United States.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
In USA, text 741 741
or call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
UK
Samaritans UK - Call 116 123 any time, whatever you’re going through.
(Also see https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/other-sources-help/ for a list of other organisations offering specialist support)
And of course, there are recovery meetings taking place online at all times of the day and night - try https://www.intherooms.com/home/ or https://recoverydharma.online/
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Dear Talking Sober,
Thanksgiving and Christmas are cancelled this year. You’ll thank me later.
Sincerely,
Covid-19
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Haha, 
I wouldn’t even be surprised or disappointed
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