clean since fri 13th cuz fentanyl is in everything now (even regular pain pills) & that fact is whats keeping me sober
so
HA HA to the “powers” that be hoping everybody would die so that the sacklers can turn all of amerikkka into one giant golf course.
happy world goth weekend…i celebrated by going back to bed.
cant even get good old fashioned steet drugs anymore cuzza stupid lame fentanyl. and i dont need to puke & shit my pants & whiteout after i do a rail – i was doin it to Get Up Outta Bed and go to work. fuckerz.
so fuck it. im sober again.
been here a lot of times before.
but gradually it seems my relapses keep getting shorter & shorter while sobriety keeps getting less & less scary.
my incessant rage & chronic depression’s patterns are more familiar and i keep finding more & more habits to replace drugs with, so thats good. like burning sage everyday, being grateful fer shit, doing hard core cardio, binaural meditation, just being quiet, resetting my vagal nerve everytime i get triggered. oh and drinkin Yerbe Mate instead.
i actually like myself more these days inmy older age even with all my angry parts cuz at least the anger motivates me, tho not as thrilling as my long lost lover & anti-loneliness drug of choice but whatever. nothing good ever lasts.
i will overcome this too. just like every other trauma & darkness throughout life cuz thats what i do:::Overcome Shit
YOU GOT THIS QUEEN!!! 
IM A MAGNIFICENT MUTHERFUCKIN UNICORN & I CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING BITCHES!!!
scream it with me !! (((((((((((((0)))))))))))))
p.s. “bitches” refers to all genders fluidly.
. I am glad you like yourself more these days. I think it might be good to really reflect on whether drugs actually did help you as much in the past as you think. I never did drugs, only drank, but while it provided some perceived short-term benefits, the negative aspects were overwhelming. Focussing on the negatives, and not romanticizing alcohol has made it easier to stay sober. Wishing u strength.