Good idea with using the first step. I have been using that one alot lately to remind myself that my life was unmanageable with alcohol and try to live in the moment. Also having your higher power to restore you back to your sanity.
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Hey there! I didn’t bother reading past the first line of your comment but if you had taken the time to maybe check out my other posts you would have more context about how my husbands addiction plays into a factor in our relationship.
Hey thanks for the advice. I’ve read every AA approved book especially the big book multiple times with multiple sponsors. But yeah I’ll try repeating the same behavior expecting different results. I mean it’s only the definition of insanity after all. Fml
Have you ever checked out sobriety podcasts? They help me quite a bit when I’m alone struggling.
It’s good that you’re still reaching out, sometimes all we have is each other on here.
This quarantine shit is wreaking havoc on a lot of us, I’ve been struggling bad too. But deep down i know where that drink will take me, it’s not winning, not today.
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Wow, so why ask for help if your going to throw it back in the face of someone who took the time to write and long and thoughtful answer?!
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So sorry to hear you’re in such a horrible state of mind right now. I’ve been there and it sucks ass! Depression is such a mother fucker. I completely relate to that feeling of just wanting to run away and drink myself happy. I still get those thoughts from time to time. The only advice I can give when your down in that sink hole of depression and wanting to drink to make it go away is to just find a place where you can stop the noise, if even just for a few minutes. Close your eyes, breathe and play the scenario through. Drinking never made things better for me. Most the time when I would drink when I was feeling really down it just made things worse or my mouth made things worse.
When I find myself deep in depression I have to break my time down into freaking miniature segments of time and just focus on making it through the next hour. A lot of times I will try to step back in my mind and force myself to laugh at myself. Laugh about how stupid the idea of me drinking to make me feel better really is. Remind myself of how insane my thinking can be at times. Remind myself of where I know I dont want to go, and that’s back to being strapped to a bottle.
I honestly feel for you right now. Shit is so hard these days. But that’s why it’s so important to remain sober. Take some time, let yourself be sad, but also try to remember all the reasons you quit drinking. You’ve worked hard to get where you’re at, dont give up now. Keep talking here, you’re going to be ok. Sending some positive energy your way!
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Just my two cents. If we keep putting our sobriety in the hands of others to make sure they behave appropriately before we take responsibility for our own actions then I think you know where it’s going to lead. Your husband’s sobriety is his own responsibility and he won’t seek recovery until he’s ready. You can’t resent him enough to make him change. Best thing you can do is focus on your own side of the street. Make sure it’s clean and maybe he’ll see the benefits.
Also, abstinence from alcohol is not the root of the issue. Selfishness and self centeredness, that is the root of our troubles.
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Also you state that this is your situation and then you feel like your husband has some obligation to fix it.
No one can fix our situation. They might help. But you have to do the work.
If his actions are making sobriety difficult then what do you have the power to change?
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I am sorry you are feeling so down and fragile, that is a rough spot to be in.
I do know the feeling of how hard it is to get sober around someone who is still drinking or using. I get that. My husband still drinks.
I spent a long long time blaming him and his drinking on me not being able to string some days together. Then, someone on here suggested my drinking was 100% my responsibility, it didn’t depend on what others around me were doing or what stress was in my life. Drinking or not was a choice I made. And you know, after I got done being pissed off at that person for not understanding my situation, I had a big aha moment and realized that yes, my drinking is something I alone am responsible for and my choice. Wow, that was a game changer for me.
There are some really interesting threads on living with someone who drinks/uses, maybe you will find some strength or help in them, I hope so.
I know these days we are fragile and our feelings are edgy and uncomfortable. Please know we can get thru this stage and come out stronger.
People are here to help support eachother. I know sometimes a response may feel unhelpful or put us on edge, I get that. But do know people mean well and are offering up their experience to see if it resonates with you. As always, not everything sticks right off, but sometimes we double back later and can see things with more understanding or clarity.
Here is the link to some threads you may find useful.
Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful
I hope you are feeling a little more solid. I can only imagine the stress with a 2 year old. Our 5 year old grandson is staying with us and I am definitely needing to find time for myself. I hope you have that chance. 
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I know of a sober living in San Diego that has a bed open. Not familiar with your area. Might be something to look into @Maeflower
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To me this is issue. The virus has broken your normal flow and adapting to it is becoming harder… especially with no end in sight to the “quarantine”.
Feeling unsupported sucks, I know it fucking does, even star players need a team to help and when someone isn’t sharing the ball it feels like what is the use? Why am I even bothering?
Why are you bothering? Because this is the life you fought for, the one you wanted to create from all scattered pieces of the puzzle caused by drinking.
Your kid is 2, when you got sober they were just an infant, won’t remember anything about sloppy drunk mommy, do everything you can to avoid a relapse so you can give them the life you want to give them. 2 year olds are tough animals, they don’t call it terrible 2’s for shits and giggles, but it doesn’t last forever. I have 4 kids, youngest being 7, so I know that for a fact.
You don’t have to drink, just get through today, struggle and survive.
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Sometimes a change in perspective can help too. Rather than focusing on all this shit going on at the moment that’s making you want to drink, what else can you focus on that brings you gratitude? At times like these, where I am feeling frustrated and want to “give up” or “give in”, I stop and recognise the thought patterns I’m harbouring, I take note of where my mind is at and then I make a conscious effort to change it, to change my perspective. I go from “why me, this is shit, life is shit, or things are too hard” to WOW look at all the amazing things that I have that make up my life. I like to write them down. Journaling helps me a lot. I look for all the blessings and abundance already in my life (no matter how small or seemingly insignificant) and focus on those, and then, I find, more good things come my way and I start to feel better. What we focus on grows. Focus on what you want, not what you don’t; I’m pretty sure you don’t really want to throw away your sobriety, not really. I think, deep down you are super proud of this truly amazing feat. Feel it, own it, a year sober… that IS AMAZING!! Go you. Focus on that. And what else can bring you joy right now? Decide that’s what you’ll find and do it/get it/ be it. 
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Put your frustration towards something else work out, fix something do anything that takes physical effort. Any relationship is 50/50 sometime you get annoyed with each other just give that space shit has a funny fucked up way of fixing itself. If you feel like shit now bottle would just make you sicker. Couldn’t tell you how many times I’d wake up shit faced fucked up. Keep pushing
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When I was in prison I use to fix up and change my whole cell when i was on lockdown. I still use that tactic but different now. Rearrange all the furnitur. Change up the whole house for a new environment. Just piggy backing off the other ideas
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Found you online - nice moves you got 
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Lmao. He’s -almost- as good as Robin Thicke not quite though. Dance moves are pretty cool
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1 year and 13 days is awesome! Tomorrow will be 1 year 14 days!! Think of how great that is. This virus and lock down is a real pain. I’d concentrate on your huge milestone and plan on adding to it.
You got this 
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This is the best advice I’ve been given in a while. Thank you for your candor.
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Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy, waking up in a house, not on the street, having an intact family, rather than being alone.
Tell the irrational side of your brain to “piss off”.
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Glad to see you’re back here, and so awesome that you reached out when needed to prevent that relapse! 
Somedays are just not “good” days, and everything seems harder on these days, so we think …why bother? BUT, if we can get through days like that, we come out stronger and wiser and even more capable! And without crappy days, wonderful days wouldn’t seem so wonderful. Actually relapsing will never live up to the fantasy inside your head, telling you you “want to drink”, it will in fact be a devasting and disappointing experience I expect. I love this quote: "“I always regret drinking, but I have never regretted not drinking!”
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