I was fully prepared to relapse yesterday. I didn’t even care anymore. If I didn’t tell my friend, and he didn’t call me I 100% would’ve relapsed. Closest call I’ve had in this 9 month run of being clean. I don’t know if I’m proud of myself or dissapointed. I’ve never been clean more than a month during my 12 year struggle with this. And I was just ready to throw it all away last night.
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9 months is something to be proud of! Fresh start today? 
You got this 
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i wouldnt be clean/sober now if it werent for having others to open up and honestly express myself to. when i keep my thoughts/fears/struggles to myself i get all fucked up in my head, but w the help of others my thinking/perception can improve dramatically. no matter how long we are sober we will still go through rough patches. you reached out to a friend in a time of need and you stayed sober, and i think thats a fantastic event. thanks for sharing here. for what its worth i think you should feel proud. keep at it 
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@SadMemeQueen But you didn’t relapse!!! Great job. You used your tools and kept yourself sober. Remember how great you felt when you woke up this morning! You rocked it.
Hugs
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Thank you 
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I struggle with it, but telling people how I feel has saved me so many times
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We all need support, atleast I did. I posted on here, early on…that drinking was the only thing I was ever good at…and @SassyRocks gave me a heck of a talkin too!
Use us, be active here it helps.
And…
So, why did you want to throw it away? What have you been doing to stay clean? What worked? More importantly, what wasnt working?
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I hope I wasn’t too overbearing.
@SadMemeQueen and here you are hopefully still sober. Reaching out here can really be helpful. I also like to keep a list on my phone of why I got sober in the first place. A little highlight of some of my darker moments…a true reminder of that shitty life I left behind.
Glad you worked thru it.
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I was feeling self destructive. And I wanted to feel that comfort of familiarity. In my mind, if I just stopped trying to stay clean things would be akt easier. I’ve been learning to ask for help to stay clean. I’m trying not to do everything on my own. Keeping to myself definitely wasn’t working
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Still sober I might create a list of my own. That sounds really helpful
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This is “the list” that has been circulating…it is for drinking but I think would be relevant for any addiction…
Hope this link works. Hope you are still sober!
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