In group today we talked about codependent people what are your thoughts on codependency? I’m in a residential facility day 21
3 Likes
Great topic.
It sounds like family week at the rehab. Which I’ve been blessed to be the parent of 2 children who went to rehab a few times.
I think we all have codependent tendencies in us. Of course some more that others. But knowledge of codependency can go a really long way. It’s was quite hard for me to face it and let my codependent tendencies go. As a parent my happiness back then had a lot to do with how well my kids were doing. And then when they became addicts ALL my happiness was dependent on them not using drugs. It was brutal. It was a rough battle. I had to learn a lot about being an enabler and a lot about detaching with love. I also went to a lot of Al-Anon meetings during that time to learn how to take care of myself. And be happy whether my kids were using or not. As I’ve grown older and my 2 grown up miracles of recovery are doing well I am doing well too. Which makes me sound like a codependent doesn’t it? 
It’s been so long since they used I don’t think that’s an issue now. But back then I got the knowledge and tools to take care of myself and not let my happiness depend on what someone else is doing. And now that I’m 608 days sober I’m still learning.
It’s a great topic. I hope this will bump it back to the top for you and get some other opinions.
6 Likes
As much as codependency can feel Great to us or make us feel good…it is very toxic. Its definitely a fine line and boundry that needs to be kept. When it comes to family,partners, friends we all want to feel needed. when your going an extra mile to do things we normally have expectations when doing these things. If you dont feel you got what u wanted or needed. mentally this can cause for things like identity distortion, depression, maybe even desperate attempt to keep trying for something u may or may never get thier approval. I struggle with this alot and frankly makes dating a struggle or a nitemare for me. Fearing abandonment tends to feed my codependency to people as i feel alone alot of the time. Its just as toxic as someone love bombing… No one just falls all over u in one day. It feels and sounds good in the moment but very decieving when it comes to the outcome and reality…
5 Likes
Codependent behaviour ultimately boils down to an unhealthy relationship to yourself. Usually as kids we learnt that we couldnt trust our own feelings to dictate our behaviours, as our parents would dismiss/neglect our needs and invalidate our emotions. Thus set in motion the pattern of behaviours that we learnt as “the way to feel worthy” (people pleasing, unhealthy ways to get attention, acting out etc). In our adult lives we carry these patterns of behaviour into our relationships because we have not yet learnt how to manage and trust our emotions, nor to self soothe, without the reassurance or validation of our partners.
1 Like
@apes2020 Codependency doesnt drag people down or runs the other person thru the mud. Codependency is when ur seeking approval or people pleasing. Can a codependent person be over whelming… Yeah, but Its not a destructive behavior to others as mich as its destructive behavior to ourselves and ruins our own self image. Usually leading us back to why we are this way . Is it a good thing? No but to shun someone for being codependent is pure ignorance. Maybe understanding why that person may be codependent as mentioned it stems from relationships of abandonment and rejection. Codependency lapps with many mental illnesses due to the fact its seeking something we are lacking. Usually our own self approval. You act like codependency is like some intentional narcasstic manipulation and to harm someone. when thats far from the truth. Its just something we should mindful of. As in return it can bring our own self down sometimes with reckless behavior or thoughts. We control and are only accountable for ourselves as for what other people do is on them as they are free to be.