Thanks, I mean, sometimes the truth is harsh. But it’s the truth. And if you lie to them you enable them, and that’s not kind at all, it just seems easier for you.
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I haven’t told her I’ve admitted to myself I’m an alcoholic and I’m now contributing to a forum for alcoholics to try and make a long-term change.
Everything else she knows.
Like, I’ve told her that I’m not drinking anymore no matter what.
I’ve told her about my frustrations with her (and me) since I posted this post.
I’ve told her that my irritability is most likely due to me getting off of alcohol since being on it so long.
I’ve told her I don’t want to drink in social situations.
Etc.
I’ve pretty much told her everything except use the big bad A word.
Well, it’s good you told her. And the irritability could be because you are getting used to not being on alcohol.
I’m glad you told her too. Maybe she can give a little too and understand you might need some extra patience. Maybe you can come up with a ‘code’ phrase like I feel an asshole moment coming on so she knows to back off a little. Maybe she can call a friend rather than jabbering at you.
Unfortunately, the truth sucks sometimes. I have been where you are. I know how it feels to be white-knuckling it, losing patience and being irritable. I have moments where I want to punch my husband square in the face. I made the mistake (or best decision of the duration of my marriage) of sharing how I felt at an AA meeting where people are encouraged to give feedback. I didn’t like the feedback, because I wanted to be mad at my husband for being a pain in the ass. Today, I’m glad someone set me straight. You aren’t alone, and you also aren’t wrong. However, intentional gratefulness can take you a long way. For me, remembering how fortunate I am that I haven’t lost my husband, my family, etc. is so important to staying in recovery. I can only control myself, and doing everything I can to keep my contributions to problems limited, is vital. I hope this is more constructive.
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She’s telling you that you’re the luckiest man alive because your family hasn’t left you.
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It is 
Thanks very much. I appreciate you sharing and being super thoughtful on my situation.
Much appreciation
I kinda agree…but it can be hard to see too.
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hahaha, I don’t mean to laugh, but you were very comical and painted a pretty vivid picture.
Had it always been this way? Did you two meet drinking? I deal with similar things but from a female perspective and I’d love to hear how it fares for you.
Although I’m much more tolerable to myself sober, I wish I could say the same for the dynamic between my husband and I. The gap grows bigger by the day and that is why I relapsed after having a year plus sober.
sigh
i was barely talking to my “beloved” first 2 weeks anger yeah cause she was angry at me for obvious reasons i lost my job
if she started to talk to me id just stfu your just complaining anyway kinda had no wish to have an disscusion at all just snapped her of is she tried well its healing and getting in contact with feelings what was earlier ya grab a beer sure honey we can talk and we did all she said in in left ear out in the right..ya ya this woman surely can talk bla bla ill grab another beer oh you wanted to talk more 
The last few days i feel i dont snap her off as fast as earlier and i surely can listen better then ever so it takes time for head and thought and feelings to start working again sure i get angry today to but in a lot more contrlled way then before or earlier
hugs
She’s telling you that you’re the luckiest man alive because your family hasn’t left you.
Naw I get it, It just seemed a little presumptive to me.
We’re flawed people talking to other flawed people. No one’s close to being perfect, even those not struggling with alcohol abuse.
Within my first post, I admitted to my most heinous acts as an alcohol abuser. I admitted to leaving my 2-year-old child at home while I made a beer run. I also admitted putting her in a passenger seat without a carseat. I admitted this to start my own process of healing.
Now, do those acts in and of themselves constitute a divorce and losing everything I have? Then I stand corrected and I shouldn’t have written that response (nor should I be writing this one).
But that’s not my whole story, just the story I chose to reveal here.
I did those horrible things I admitted to. But I also worked extremely hard at my job so that my wife only has to work part-time so that she can be with and raise our child.
I’m also putting my wife through college so that she can get her master’s degree.
I also watch our child at home alone a lot so that my wife can meet her school obligations and have a girl’s night every now and then (which is the times I started drinking and led to the things I admit here).
We’ve leaned on eachother for the past decade to get through some crazy shit that life has thrown at us.
I do get frustrated at my wife and sometimes go hide in a room like a child (like this post started), but I Don’t Beat Her, I Don’t Neglect Her, I Don’t Cheat On Her, I Don’t Abuse Her.
I also recognized that I have a drinking problem which was putting me on a slippery slope to some bigger larger, more extreme problems. So I stopped drinking and joined an online forum for support. I imagine for every one of us who admit we have a problem, there’s 10, 20, maybe 100 more out there that carry on and don’t choose to try and change their lives.
Just sayin’ that we’re perfect strangers here. I don’t mind some Cold Hard Truth (coincidentally the title of this thread), but I just felt it a bit disingenuous to say that I’m lucky that my wife hasn’t left me based on 3 or 4 paragraphs I posted to a forum.
Now. I also said that I didn’t have a drinking problem before I joined this forum. Now we all know THAT isn’t true. So perhaps this post is just another elaborate lie I’m telling myself and doesn’t count for anything.
Just expressing my feelings. Seems like a cruel world to live in that one failing from a flawed person merits their whole life to end, no matter what’s on the other side of the demon’s their struggling with.
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