Don’t get me wrong, i am not saying that divorce is always wrong. There are absolutely situations where it is just and necessary. But, speaking from a stand point of the person, if your spouse is willing to work it out, then the only person that is responsible for the failure of the relationship would be you (not you specifically).
As for getting toxic people out of our lives, that entirely depends on how they are unhealthy for us. If the person is a drinking buddy, are you able to remain friends outside of a drinking scene? If not, then it sounds like they weren’t really much of a friend in the first place.
Also, how much of the toxic relationship is the first party responsible for? If you correct that portion of the relationship, how would that change the dynamic?
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I agree. I guess at the end of the day, it just all boils down to whether or not both people are willing to work it out.
I was speaking on an experience where that wasn’t the case.
Anyway, I’ve decided to eject myself from this conversation because I am finding myself getting a little too emotionally triggered, and I don’t want to end up saying some mean and hurtful things I may regret later.
This is nothing against you, and just a personal flaw of mine I need to deal with.
I enjoyed our little debate and I think it was healthy and eye opening to expose both sides.
I wish the best of luck to OP, and I do hope he is able to figure everything out and save his family.
I will no longer be replying to this topic though. I’ll catch you guys on the next one. 
Good luck. <3
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I think we can leave on friendly terms. I see where you’re coming from. And i absolutely understand how past traumas can get people emotionally charged.
I thjnk near the end we’re basically on the same page. 
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I’m going to message you…
I’ve been trying over the last week to put together a thread about this exact topic. Imagine my surprise when I find someone else having similar experiences.
Since getting sober, like everyone, I would imagine, I have spent a lot of time in my head.
My original idea was to admit that I have a problem with porn, have had since teenager days. I have an idea where it came from.
But over the last 10 years I have relied more and more on porn for pleasure. This coincided with my drinking getting heavier.
Having read your share Phil I have decided to post this because my story is very similar.
I have never physically been unfaithful to my wife, but like you I have been distracted by 2 other women. Texts etc. Like you my father had an affair resulting in mum and dad splitting up. And this has been the topic of many n argument!
After my first time my wife and I spent 18 months apart but we got back together, and this was her idea, I just kept out of the way and came and saw my daughter and also took care of a lot of things around the house for her like chopping wood in the winter for her etc.
Things were good, we had another child, bought a house together until about 10 years ago my head was turned again. This I know led to my drinking heavier. I’m only just able to admit this.
I knew I had done the same thing again just like she said I would and again just like my father. Again the same argument.
I would use the porn because my wife refused me sex and I used to carry a lot of resentment because of this. I would drink because I was pissed at her for it.
I no longer have resentment regarding sex and since stopping drinking my reliance on porn has gone. And also any desire to use it. I feel happier in myself about this and it’s reflected in our relationship because I’m not in a bad mood and taking things out on my wife like I used to
As things stand, we are now the happiest we have been for years. Made even more so by my sobriety.
I treat her like the lady she is and always has been and I am trying my hardest to not ever have my head turned again
This has taken most of the day to get down, writing it and re-editing it. I know the thread has gone else where. But over the last couple of months I realised that I had a problem with sex and porn and reading these threads has helped me realise this.
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Strong share Geoff, Thank You!
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I completely agree. But, she has always sided with her parents. Among other things not just this.
Thanks Geo
We are split up right now. Ive stayed at the house on the couch 2 days now. But i can see how unhealthy it is right now. If we had to stay away from eachother longer, i would help her out. Monday i came over helped do the laundry and a few otherthings. I had no problem doing that. Ill sit there and talk to her about everthing but, the silence is not healthy.
I know over the years I’ve been in and out of the in-laws good books. Wife’s sister tried to throw me out of my own home once. Her twin brother practically disowned me, which hurt like hell because I was mates with him before I met her. But I get why.
Mate, just keep doing what you’re doing. If it’s meant to be it’s going to be a long road. I was on the verge of moving out last November. Just before I got sober. I just felt in myself it was the thing to do. But if I had I would still be drinking I know. And the place I was looking at going to was owned by the people I work for. It probably won’t have ended nice.