Im back on day one again. I tried to moderate but next thing you know im hitting the liquor store for beer and shooters at 10 am daily. Right now i feel awful. Leg cramps. Dry mouth. Bloated, terrible bowels and just generally detoxing. Caught a few glimpses of myself in the mirror and realized I actually look scary. Ive withdrawled more times than i can remember and it really never gets any easier.
Anyway i go back to work tuesday for 2 weeks on the boat which is bone dry and its crazy how much im looking forward to getting there. I do this every time where i plan on working away from booze and then coming back ready to really tackle this with a head start but then i come back thinking i have it under control and next time im showing back up to work detoxing and hungover.
I know what i need not do and thats drink. The past week its been one hangover after the next followed by “tapering” (HA). I have a great support system around me who has been offering help for years and i just tell them i got it under control. (HA).
Luckily I refound this forum and community. I have like 3 days before I go back to work and I hope by then im starting to come around physically and loose the anxiety. Ive always bad bad anxiety when im hungover/withdrawling because i feel like everyone knows. Anyway. Any responses appreciated. Sorry for writing so much, guess i just needed to vent.
Knowledge is power, and now you know moderation does not work. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Have you looked at what in your life has to change to help you stay sober? I changed a lot, and it was all worth it. AA was another thing I did…it saved my life. If not AA, another program like SMART?..
In the end, you have to believe you are worth a sober life.
Im fine and open to going to meetings. Ive been in and out of the rooms. Its tough with my job because I literally can not go for 2 weeks.
I just finished up grad school and ive had to move back in with my mom which isnt great. Ive certainly been spending extra time at the bars just to not be home.
I think a lot has to change and most importantly it would be my attitude and commitment. Im kicking around the idea of coming back from work and checking into a 2 week rehab for my 2 next two weeks of downtime, because what i did this time did not work at all.
Rehab works. And it would help build the tool box to fight urges. I hung out in bars to fight boredom…hated being home alone. I found coffee shops a great substitue in the beginning. SMART, has a work book you can get and do on your own…might help when you are the boat.
Doesnt look like SMART is too active in NJ where I live. I really appreciate the responses.
Tough day mentally and physically ya know. Im gonna hit the steam room at my gym to try to sweat some poison out. Seems like a good day for a meeting later too.
I get that. There is one meeting 40 miles from me…and it was less rhan desirable, so I didnt have any other options than AA, which i love. Good luck, stick around, lots of support here
One of those things, i know i should sleep but as soon as i try to im writhing in bed tossing. Then as soon as i try to do anything i want my bed. Drinking really is an insane problem.
Returning to the forum was the best thing I could do. Missed this place, spent many a long nights just scouring everyones stories and wisdom.
Remembers me to my attempt finding groups here in my area. There have been meetings, but the nearest location got closed permanently and the other meeting takes place 1x/month and it’s awfully far away I then tried to find german online groups, nothing. They didn’t even respond to my emails. Then I tried Facebook groups what ended in frustration bc the ppl on there have been awful, unfriendly and stubborn.
So I did my thing, surrounded me with tons of positivity posts on Instagram and on here.
Maybe you can start a meeting on the boat. Besides working and physical separation from alcohol, start yourself a sobriety routine. I take AA meetings into a prison. Fellas are in there for months, toying with the idea of working a program. Shortly before release, maybe three weeks or so, they start getting desperate because they do not have a foundation. Relapse is guaranteed under those conditions.
Read, pray, meditate. Stay in touch daily with someone in sobriety. Go to lots of meetings, do service at the meetings. These are the things I do to stay sober.
I got sober on the strength of a spiritual experience, an emotional high that got me through the first 30 days. I have to reinforce that foundation every day. And it works for me to be sober, happy and at peace. Blessings on your house .
Meetings wouldnt be possible on the boat there is only 7 of us and its a high caliber job, im new and i wouldnt feel comfortable pitching that.
Really good persepective and advice thank you.
Looking forward to this racing heart period to pass lol. I have no urge to drink right now which is weird because usually I would when withdrawling. Im just committed to getting this first day or two done at home instead of work.
There are no AA or any other support groups where I live. Even if they had, I don’t speak the local language. Most of them speak some basic English but not enough to communicate on a subject like this. I reach in to find strength, I talk to a friend overseas, two of my neighbors (one of them is moving to France next week) and this forum. I spend a lot of time here reading through everybody’s experiences, challenges and pain. After that I go and look at the mirror. Look at myself in the eye and go make a cup of tea. We all find our unique ways to get sober. I take walks, take pictures, feed the stray animals, watch a lot of tv, cook for my neighbors.
Still really tossing and turning. Mouth dry as a bone despite the like 8 waters I had. Back to the toilet often. Deliriously tired but cant get comfortable.
Been through this before so I know it will pass, but it doesnt make it any easier. Shaping up to be a long concerning day.
You can study your big book for a set time, say 30 minutes a day. Start on page 1, read 15 minutes, write 15 minutes, head back on deck. Develop some sober muscles.
Good luck on the detox. Thanks for letting me know it still sucks.
Just checking in. I havent been perfect but I havent drank a lot either. Had three beers with a friend and I know its thanks to this forum that i didnt stop on the way home and keep going.
I know it was a bad idea, but i made it through and im going to keep working. Going to hit a meeting today.
I then tried to find german online groups, nothing. They didn’t even respond to my emails. Then I tried Facebook groups what ended in frustration bc the ppl on there have been awful, unfriendly and stubborn.
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