So I was on here a few days ago, and then I slipped up when I was nearly 2 days sober and clean. Then I would be able to go another few hours, maybe even a whole day, then the craving would become irresistible and again I would reset the counter. And then again today. I had a choice in the evening: A) shower, go to sleep early, and get tomorrow off to a GREAT start or B) give in and trash myself. Well, guess what I chose. Surprisingly it’s only midnight, and I’ve cleaned myself up and can think reasonably clearly. I think I’m going to make a commitment journal. Just a notebook in which I check in and write down some thoughts and remind myself of what matters most to me in life. Since I can’t seem to go more than a day without succumbing, I should probably check in every few hours. My excuse for not doing this earlier was that I could never carry around an honest notebook and risk other people seeing it, but now that I’m home all day, I don’t have to worry about that. If I just tell myself, it doesn’t seem to be enough. My mind keeps saying “yes yes I know you want to quit but this is the last time!” when, let’s be real, even thinking this is the last time makes me anxious. But I have to give it up. I’ve lost too much to addiction and it’s time to make a real change.
Writing has helped me. I write down all the reasons, regrets and stupid things I have done in the name of chardonnay.
I also wrote down all my behaviors or habits that lead me to or encouraged or supported my drinking.
And last I wrote down plans or alternative ideas to use or do instead of a glass of two or three or many more of wine.
That along with this app and reading about others journeys are what is keeping me sober. You can do this, you are worth it.
Hugs
good for you. picking yourself up. no matter at what moment. maybe writing can keep you close to your motivation and therefor more committed. you can only commit to something you are aware of and that is intrinsic. and that sounds more simple than it is. Hope you have a clean and sober today!