Thanks for the suggestion I love comedians . Also thank you for the encouraging words.
I spent 23 years sober and totally even forgot that I ever drank. Weird to say this but I actually thought it would save my marriage (I know that is crazy but is it truly what brought it back into my life)
Long story short - My wife never drank in her whole life (we married 20 years ago when I was 3 years sober). I never looked back until 2022
2022 she was 39 starting to seem (to me) unsatisfied with aging monotony… We live close enough to Vegas (she is still youthful and very beautiful) so I took her dancing and out a lot.
We started experimenting with some novel things in our intimate life… Like one night we even considered tantric massages… By the time we drove into Vegas valley, I had time to think about this and decided it would destroy our bond to have other people involved.
This next part will sound childish but it is what happened. As we drove into town I told her I would go get some “mood juice” that would make fun time better. She stayed at the hotel to get ready for the night, I headed out to find some love potion #9.
I did look for something natural but ended up getting some vodka and cranberry juice. She didn’t ask what it was and I didnt tell her. This happened several more times over the next few months and I did not even drink any till about the 4 time (when we went to a club in Vegas ) About April last year. By that time she knew.
By July she was ready to be done and thought it was highly overrated (likely because she had spent 39 years sober) She drank with me a few more time (last time was in November for her).
My last time (other than Friday night) was on New Years.
It is just wild to me that my addicted brain can block out the truth that it is not even fun and for real makes me so sick.
Anyways, I am journaling in my comment here but it is helping me to process so thanks
To sum up how I feel today: I cant even see myself thinking drinking has any benefit whatsoever … With that said, I thought this same way until a few days before Friday… For me daily work on this is still obviously required.
It seemed to happen as I was just going through the motions of a daily podcast (not as engaged mentally) because I thought I was fine.
I think staying engaged in this and other communities is key to staying mentally fit (just like normal exercise). I mean I never reach for twinkies after a good gym workout (they are not even appealing). Making friends at a gym, motivating others is a fantastic way to stay consistently strong.
Thanks angain for your comments and recommending Theo Von. Im going to watch him now