Good morning to you all! So I am coming up on 2 years and 9 months of clean time on the 19th. I was released from custody on new years eve after 2 years of incarceration. I have three kids, one of which moved out of state- I am trying to get him home to me and his siblings in a very contentious custody battle. I have a full time job, a parole agent, and a relationship of almost 9 years that is falling apart- I have changed so much on my recovery I feel as if I am 100 steps ahead of him; that I have outgrown him. Now these are clearly the main issues with my life, but there are many positive aspects to it as well. Im no longer in prison, I have an amazing relationship with my kids, I enjoy my job, and I am overall extremely happy with all the positive change that has occured in my life since I ended my addiction to pills.
With all that being said, since I’ve been home I have become more and more complacent in my recovery. I guess I have felt so secure in my recovery I simply stopped putting in the work I used to. I was in a reentry program the last 9 months of my sentence, which had a strong emphasis on recovery, self care, and step work. I fully immersed myself in the 12 steps and my recovery, even creating and hosting 12 step meetings for my fellow inmates. Staying accountable and teachable. Then I got home, and there was so much catching up to do. Lawyers to get my son back. Taking care of my two kids I have at home. Upholding my home, cleaning, laundry, cooking ECT. Trying to navigate a rocky relationship with a partner who chooses not to change or at the very least try to change. Therapy- working with a clinician and drug counselor. Going to work, paying bills. Basically adulting after 15 years of an opiate and benzo addiction. I have so far succeeded, I have no desire to use, but I have become completely complacent in my recovery and step work, meetings included. I see this as a definite issue, and I continue to make excuses such as “I’m too busy”- this seems to be my favorite. I am indeed busy, but this morning I made the decision it’s time to get back on track. I need to find a sponsor. Im doing a zoom meeting in the next hour. After I dropped my kids off at school I journaled with my NA, self care, and purpose journal. I need to stay accountable, I need to stay teachable- if I fail to do this, I wonder if one day I may relapse- even if I don’t feel that way now. I have SO MUCH going on in my life, but at what cost? Do I allow that to drag me down a road of eventual relapse? So I need to change it. That’s why I’m here.
Have any of you ever felt this way? When you feel that complacency sneaking up on you what do you do to check yourself? It’s as if we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, and tomorrow is not promised. What do we give up first? I don’t want to give up my recovery. It is the one thing in my life I control, that I can control. I make the decision every day to stay clean and sober, and I want to continue to keep making that choice no matter what else I may need to give up in order to accomplish that. I appreciate your positive feedback!
Congratulations on 2 years and 9 months of sobriety that is terrific I think this happens to most people with any good amount of recovery time you get complacent but honestly it sounds to me like you are still putting in the work you talked about how you journal and that you want to find a sponsor and doing a online meetings I think if you continue doing that and talking to your sponsor every day when you find one I think you are working your recovery maybe it’s not the same amount of time as before but you have other responsibilities you have to take care of so do online meetings continue journaling and find a sponsor you can work the steps with and I think you are doing great with everything you have been through and are going through
Yes. I think that getting our lives back makes us so busy that its easy to not focus on recovery as much.
Good for you for recognizing it and being willing to work on it.
As they say, the further we get away from our last one, the closer we get to our next.
I have relapsed with a lot of clean and sober time. It was harder for me to come back than I ever imagined. My relapse started a couple of years before I drank. Its sneaky. Cunning baffling and powerful.
This forum is awesome because its so easy to start your day with some recovery.
Stay vigilant!
I have after 4 years being sober. I felt I was stagnating, going through the motions…growth had stopped. I was happy where I was at, and assuming I was always going to be in this spot.
I checked myself. I researched other recovery programs, found one that would challenge me, my thoughts…and stepped into it.
Congratulations on your sober time and totally changing your life! So inspirational. I guess awareness and adjustments are key. Which is what you are doing already. A person may be closer or further away from the program, but there will always be meetings they can join, or Books to read if their mind starts spinning. I guess looking at your life and thinking about what you really have to do and what could be delegated or delayed.
Thank you for this! Yes I really think reevaluating my relationship is necessary. It’s just at a point where I’m so checked out. I’ve given grace, patience, and time without getting any results. Like I said, I did a lot of changing while I was gone and I came home to the same person. Now it feels like I am trying to fit a square in a round peg. I’m working with my therapist but it’s hard because kids are involved, but at the end of the day I want them to see me at my best and happy. Not stuck in a relationship that makes me miserable! Again thank you for your story and inspiration!!! 
That’s why I’m here, I figure something new will give me some inspiration and a deeper insight into my recovery. Thank you!
I’m the queen of procrastination!! I know I have things to do and usually it’s fear that will stop me. Something else to work on! Thank you for your words!
Yes I literally had nothing to do but work on my recovery while I was incarcerated, I never thought about it like that! As addicts we are our own worst critic right?!? Thanks!!
Thank you I most certainly will!!!
Girl that’s what I needed to hear. I am so scared I will damage my kids if I leave. However I’m so unhappy, he’s unhappy because he can tell how miserable I am. I went to therapy yesterday and it was really eye opening for me. She had me write him a break up later to help me prepare for the actual conversation. I realized yesterday that there is no coming back from the damage thats been done. Now it’s just actually having the courage to do it. I feel like we will all be better off for it, my kids included. It’s just hard to pull the trigger, but hearing what you had to say gives me courage and hope that it will all work out so THANK YOU!!
This thread is just what I need right now. I’ve been overconfident and backing off on all my sobriety things. I can feel myself slipping. I know because it happened to me before, and it took months to drag myself back. Thanks to all of you, I’m right back on it. A big thanks to all of you and this app.
It’s good you realized about becoming complacent!
I am always grateful when old threads help in current situations. Thank you for sharing, I needed the reminder too 
Good to see you, Denver!