I’m not doing well at work. This time of year is extremely draining in this line of business.
On a positive note, this challenge is going well in my personal life. I notice my husband complains a lot, but I don’t feed into it. I remind him how we can’t control others’ actions but we can control our reactions. He’s been taking my comments into consideration and agreed to put more work into himself (not that I asked).
I had to recheck and make sure I didn’t mess up the count … Yup 4 days. Feels good. I am finding that I’m also working on conveying my feelings in a healthier manner. This challenge is challenging for sure but I can see the potential for greatness with it .
Has some moments of hurt and anger that were escalating into more and could have become a whole complaining session but I literally stopped myself midway and took a break from the conversation. Took a minute to recollect myself.
This is totally new for me. A few months ago…I would have been screaming and crying and it would have been a whole evening ruined. I am grateful that some rewiring is taking place.
Ps. My coint says say 19 of challenge but I did start something similar a few months ago so I’m fairness this rewiring has taken months and is still a big work in progress
I just read your post and had a thought I‘d like to share. This is not about me saying you should do anything differently. Just your post made me think.
I am an IT person. I love computers, processors, software and anything related. When something in that area does not do what I expect it to do, I usually consider it an interesting challenge. Like a puzzle. And most of the time I‘m like a child happy to have gotten a new puzzle as a gift.
My mom on the other hand is the complete opposite. Whenever something computer related does not work as expected - which obviously happens a lot - she get‘s really riled up. She will curse, moan, and make a huge deal out of it. Like she is some kind of victim of a terrible crime commited by the universe.
And I just thought that this could be an interesting take for me on my struggles. We all have stuff in life that does not go as expected. That‘s basically most of life. Now I can consider it a gift from the universe and go for that puzzle. Or I can play the victim, curse, moan and go for all that drama.
I am quite sure I know wich one might be better for my mental health.
Processing how you are feeling is not complaining imo. I am sorry for what you are going through. You are a strong woman and will come out of this even stronger . Much love
Starting my 2nd day again. Today should be a breeze being it’s a holiday filled with gratitude and having Thanksgiving at home with my husband and daughter.
It hasn’t been easy. Had some issues with guests not giving time of arrival or even if they were coming for Thanksgiving and then some came early…I just went with the flow. I was annoyed but didn’t let it ruin my day.
Dealing with inconsiderate people on Facebook marketplace not respectful of others. Again… annoying and I told them that were rude but didn’t hold onto the feelings or discuss with anger.
Day 19,
Day 1.
It’s a good challenge for me but it seems an impossible one too. I talk, then think.
And because I’m not in the best mood I shift easily towards complaining about something.
Decided to stop this challenge at day 21, instead of when I reach a stretch of 21 days.
It was a eye opener and that’s worth something too
I don’t know if I will improve. Well. For example today during a document review I stumbled across a somehow unrealistic timeline, I began talking about it with my colleagues: and noticed the project manager. Well, at least I addressed it to the responsible person instead of only complaining.
Otherwise I didn’t meet people during my long hikes on the weekend so no complaints there.
What I also noticed and this is something I don’t like: does my not complaining (anymore) is something of giving up improving things and processes at work for example?
The flipside to that would be that (A) complaining does in fact measurably improve things in sustainable ways, and that (B) complaining is a necessary hassle (i.e., there is no equally effective and necessary mechanism which would be less of a burden on you), and that (C) no one else’s complaining (other than yours) is serving to improve things.
If all three of those things are true, then yes, you are giving up an important function.
In that case though, I would still argue that your effort to minimize complaining is noble and worthwhile. If there is a systemic problem of which complaining is a symptom, then it feels like being stuck in a complaint cycle might perpetuate the problem (or at least blind us to constructive changes that can be made).
Complaining defined is expressing dissatisfaction or annoyance with something.
But then if we never complained we would have to live in a bubble where everything is absolutely perfect all the time. 1. That’s not practical or plausible 2. That would be boring as hell 3. What’s not annoying for me may be super annoying for someone else
Complaining can often stem from bad moods or personality traits , but it can also be a tool that helps people bond and regulate their emotions. Too much complaining can worsen your mood, make you feel helpless, and lead to a negative outlook on life
I think this challenge is about changing up our thinking patterns and not getting sucked into the negative energy around complaining. Day to day things will suck. Things will go wrong. You will need to discuss these inorder to find solutions. Especially when things are being done incorrectly, inefficiently or where someone could be harmed…we need to bring it up and fix it. The key is not to sit with the ugly energy and let it consume you.
I honestly feel that each one of us in here have been doing a marvelous job with this challenge. This challenge is working on changing our views with complaints. How we receive them and how we sushi them out. How we rewrite situations to see other points of views
This challenge hasn’t even been posted for a whole month and I feel we’ve made some serious changes in our mentality already. It is not easy and I don’t see us changing 100% overnight but we are moving in the right direction.
Just my perception so far and my take on the challenge…
This is a really good point, and it highlights (I think) a relationship-oriented perspective on complaining: how complaining can be (and is) constructive in relationships. It’s a shared pain, and a shared pain is a point of connection.
I agree… I must share a story… We picked up our dog from a two week boarding. Hubby had a attitude with the front desk person. We stopped for breakfast and hubby shared with the waitress (we never met before) the event at the boarders. First we had provided unopened 40lb bag of dog food for Yunna’s stay. We were notified that they found bugs in it when they opened and did not feed it to her. Waitress was attentive and seemed concerned at this story. I interrupted the story and said it all worked out they fed Yunna their dog food… Dog is fine. Our daughters dog was also at the boarding place and we wanted to visit. Front Desk said NO due to insurance purposes. Hubby shared with waitress that this made him mad. Then again I interrupted and said they moved daughters dog outside and accommodated our request and we got to bond with dog.
Why I am sharing… I find that I can see a more positive view of most events. Husbands complaints were so negative… Waitress laughed when I followed up with it all worked out.
Being mindful personally is the way for me to behave…with that said yesterday was a shitty Day… Starting again Day 1.
I love the mindfulness and the spin on things. I do think it was valid for you to be upset over the events but luckily you were able to see the positive side and everything worked out.
I don’t say I’ll never complain but I feel like we are doing a hell of a lot better and it is all about being mindful
Sorry about your shit day …hope today is way better
OK - so after being bed ridden for 5 days I did have a bit of a complaining session (mainly with myself and it went on for way longer than I had wanted). All good now - i found my way to positive thinking again and I know this phase will pass. Back on track.
Grateful that the even though I did reset it is not like I spent all day complaining. One day at a time my friends.