So here it is. I don’t really know how to properly describe it better than in this blog post:
I have been thinking about it a lot during the last days. Swearing and complaining is a big part of my daily struggles. Like neglecting reality. Postponing consequences and keep on complaining. I do this a lot in my diabetes management although it’s a lot better than during drinking days. Progress.
Baby steps.
So like with many others things I take it as a win when I realise that I complained, swore…
So now there is a question: when I walk in shit and say: oh crap. Is this a complaint or a fact or both?
That being said I bought a bracelet to get some haptic reminder.
I’ve been increasingly conscious of this too, and stop myself from reacting immaturely pretty quickly as a result. My sobriety journey has led me to think about my actions and reactions a lot, and spilled over into even how I react to walking in shit for example. Everything is relative if we want to be completely honest, the fact that we exist at all puts things into perspective. My opinion: it’s just fact, and whether we react productively or counterproductively is up to us I.e. make a conscious effort to try not to get attached or let it effect you… If you swear in humour or sarcasm, like me, you’re all good if you’re allowing yourself to overreact impulsively and immaturely, maybe have a think about it whenever you notice it, and relax and try to react productively that little bit sooner each time…
I like this idea. While I am guilty as most with complaints I do usually try and catch myself beforehand as I know it serves no purpose.
Learning to accept things (like others poor driving behaviours, which is pretty big for me) is something I have found that profoundly calms me.
The haptic response of a rubber band is something I will also look at.
As a matter of fact, I think what would really make this challenge into a growth experience for me is to choose to see the positive in the things I’m complaining about. There is a positive side to everything in life. For example:
I stepped in shit! Positive: I didn’t step on a land mine.
My train is late! Positive: I have a train.
The salmon at this restaurant is awful: dry and flavourless. Positive: I am spending time with a friend at this meal.
I’m in! Hopefully, I can do better this time around.
My boss started this challenge at work last year and gave us all bracelets. We kept each other honest in the office and we’d meet in the morning to see how everyone did the night before at home. Not one of us could get past a few days. It was a lot of fun though. Catching ourselves complaining and saying “oh shit” while moving the bracelet to the other wrist. After a month of no progress we all stopped and concluded we’re a bunch of complainers. It was during our busy season and we used that as an excuse to try again in the spring but we never did.
Thank you for creating this . I am in and will use your thread for my daily accountability
I do like this thought as I’m having a bit of trouble on what is a complaint and what is stating a fact
I like what @Matt said to record it rethink the situation. BUT- is it a complaint if your first initial thought of when you stub your toe is to say ah shit. Not angrily but as a release? I personally don’t think that swearing is always negative and it depends on the time, intent behind it (could be all alone in this thinking).
November 8th day 1
November 9th day 2 (not sure if I failed… Would appreciate the input)
A. Had a woman cut me off and had me slam on brakes so I didn’t slam into her. I sarcastically said to myself “yup— you are the only one that’s driving - no one exists in your world”
B. The dryer would not turn on (it only acts up for me). I mouthed “ya fuckin temperamental bitch” and then laughed
C. Many people were stopped mid lane at grocery store carrying on conversations with no room to pass and no care of who else was around. After 3rd time seeing it…I thought " well must be nice to live in oblivion"
So do these thoughts / words to myself mean I failed or just processing what is in front of me?
Personally A and C I would think are complaints but that’s just my thoughts. B was just stating a fact about the temperamental bitch, though bitch is questionable…
You said it! Thanks for the input and yup…gonna really work on this.
A few months back I worked on rewording my negative thoughts or harsh comments but found that even after a month I still had the initial thought… I guess it’s gonna take a long time to readjust after years of this way of thinking
Me too. I think I will work on my thoughts best I can but won’t be a part of this complaint challenge. I spend about 90% of my time alone so I think I do need to count what I say out loud (even to myself) as a complaint
@JazzyS If you follow that negative thought with a positive, then I don’t consider it a fall. For example, those people in the grocery store, the follow up thought could be - maybe one was trying to get a hold of the other to let them know about the death of someone they were close to in their past but didn’t have their current phone number or address. This was their only chance to deliver the news.
The point is, stopping that initial negative thought is going to take time and practice. If we follow up with a positive thought then maybe over time, that will be our first thought.
This is very zen! I love it. Notice the thought (like noticing the feeling) and let it go vs reacting negatively. Tho maybe this is/has more of a reframe than a letting go?
It would certainly be a challenge around my elderly parents whose ‘go to’ at this stage is negative complaining. I usually counter with asking what was good, if anything, in the experience (often they are talking about food served or an appointment or trying to find a place).
I like adding things to my ‘mindfullness’ toolbox. Thanks for sharing this!!
I don’t think it’s a complaint. The way I look at complaining is like this: it’s about choosing the reaction to the problem. Feeling frustrated is a normal, healthy human response to an unexpected, inconvenient problem. But I can choose to stay in the problem - like a person whose car is stuck in the mud, and the person just stays in the driver’s seat, pushing the gas pedal and spinning the wheels (which is complaining) - or I can choose a constructive response (which starts with frustration, but the difference is instead of spinning my wheels, I choose to step out of the driver’s seat and work on solving the problem).
I think complaining is only happening if you’re sitting in the driver’s seat, spinning your wheels in the mud, and saying “See? We’re going nowhere.” If you change your reaction and focus on constructive next steps, you’re not complaining. (The initial frustration doesn’t count as complaining.)
I like this and will make sure when I have those thoughts I follow up with a positive one.
I too have been playing scenarios in my mind when these things happen. Like that person who cut me off. I then thought he might have gotten some bad news or not feeling well and was using all his concentration just to get home
I do this all the time now. I was that person one time driving like everyone should move out of my way.
I had gotten a call from my husband saying his dad was dying and I needed to get to the hospital immediately to say goodbye. I didn’t think I’d make it, but I was gonna give it my best try. I broke every law possible with safety in mind. I made it with no time to spare. Just enough to grab his hand, give him a kiss and say I love you, then he passed.
If someone cuts me off, my first thought now is they have an emergency and it’s only because of my experience. Before that incident, I had no compassion whatsoever.
I think I did quite well yesterday. I complained about the questions in the questionnaire for therapy via text. Well, Sundays are not very prone for complaints.
I thought about telling my colleagues about the challenge a bit. Because part of the complaining, rambling business is group dynamics, I think.
I.e. make a conscious effort to try not to get attached or let it effect you… If you swear in humour or sarcasm, like me, you’re all good 
if you’re allowing yourself to overreact impulsively and immaturely, maybe have a think about it whenever you notice it, and relax and try to react productively that little bit sooner each time…
. I am in and will use your thread for my daily accountability 
thought as I’m having a bit of trouble on what is a complaint and what is stating a fact
Thanks for sharing this!!