So this morning I joined what has become my regular AA morning meeting on zoom.
I really click with these group of people and their journeys have been keeping me going.
However this morning I recognised someone from my home town joined. We know each other, but we aren’t in the same circle of friends.
I found this confronting, so I chose not to participate today. I just sat and listened. This person also didn’t participate in conversation.
I love this morning session, but I am worried if this person attends again, I will probably move on and try and find another group.
But I really don’t want too.
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Hmm, of course they may be thinking the exact same thing. And of course, they are there for the same reason you are. No one is in an AA meeting because they can handle their drink, and therefore cannot judge each other. When I joined my local online group I was pretty worried about meeting someone I knew because as an English speaking person living abroad, connections between other foreigners here are very close. Lo and behold, there was. But it has been fine, even though I got sober way after him, and I was worried to talk about my drinking problems during a time when I was working (and we work in similar circles) it hasn’t affected my life negatively. If course, you have to do what is right for you. But think carefully before leaving a group that suits you.
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I remember the time I ran into a guy from a meeting at the grocery store. The meeting was in the next town down the road. When we noticed each other, I remembered, he’s in the same boat.
I know it’s not exactly the same, as I don’t “know” the guy, but the thing is, we’re both trying our best to get better, just like you are.
If you like the meeting, maybe it wont be so bad if you continue.
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Just another person seeking help , could be a future sober buddy , my very first meeting i went to there was several people i knew and some from my school days if i had walked out i dont think id be here today . . they are in the fellowship like you so in your circle of friends now ? wish you well
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I’ll be honest, one of the things I didn’t like about online meetings was that I could hide out and not be held accountable, and I started to like that. When COVID flipped our worlds on end, I had over a decade of sober time in AA. The switch to online meetings messed with my sense of what the program was all about, and I came to value the fellowship and connection very highly when it became available.
This experience is step 1 in spades for you - the unmanageability of your life, the shame we all have had carrying the label “alcoholic”, the fear of consequences of “being found out”, these occur for all of us whether our meetings are online or face to face. I found that once I accepted that, drunk or sober, being an alcoholic was the central fact of my adult life, knowing that truth, I could not outrun it or fight and conquer it. I had to accept it and learn to love myself as I am.
Blessings on your house 
.
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