Thanks for sharing. I can see you’ve been thinking (and feeling) about this a lot. It’s a lot to process 
Motivation is a funny thing. (Not funny in the sense of humorous, but funny in the sense of unusual.) It’s kind of like momentum: once you have some, it’s easier to build, but if you aren’t moving yet, it takes more effort to get moving.
Being sober has some levels. On the one hand there’s just being clean, which has physical health effects (not putting poison in the body makes you physically healthier). But humans are not fundamentally physical creatures. We’re not. We are mental and emotional creatures. What brings us fulfillment is things that feed our sense of self and our sense of belonging: belonging to a community, to a sense of purpose; belonging to a story, to a life lived with a sense of direction.
That deeper level, that level of belonging, is one that has been significant for me. For you there may be other deeper levels, for example service, or teaching, or ____ (there are many ways to feed your human development side). But it may be helpful to take some time to think about it.
You mention being “carefree” as something you miss. That’s an interesting word to choose. If the things I’m doing feel like they’re weighing me down, like they’re keeping me stuck - like I’m stuck with my weight of caring (and I want to be “carefree” or something similar) - I usually take that as a signal that something I’m doing is out of alignment with my true self. For example, recently at my work I’ve been feeling irritated and overwhelmed. I know why this is happening. I’ve been getting caught up doing things that are not my absolute priorities, my A tasks. I’ve been doing things that don’t drive my mission forward. (Since I’m an entrepreneur, my mission is to grow my business; I’ve been caught up in more maintenance tasks and not growth tasks recently.) I know what my mission is. I need to take a hard look at my time, day to day, and make choices: there are time-sucking activities that are starving me, sucking my energy from my true priorities, and at the end of the day I feel discouraged and weighed down.
What are your priorities? Truly? Write out a list of all the things you have to do or wish you could do. All of them (or as many as you can remember). Now take a hard look at that list and force yourself to cross off everything except three things - three things only (this is a firm rule) - which if you didn’t do them, things would stop, your mission would be threatened, your sense of life fulfillment and purpose would be in danger. Three things which only you can do. (This means they can’t be things like “mow the lawn” or “clean my room”, which though they are useful things they are not things that only you can do; they are not things that are your fulfillment, your sense of mission.)
Once you’ve got that list, those three things that are your things, then take a look at your life and your schedule. Look at your time - your time, the resource you have which you can never get more of; everyone, every human has 24 hours in the day - and be honest. Be truly, truly honest. Are you using your time (or at least 75% of it) for your top three things?
If you aren’t, you have some changes to make. They will not be easy but they are important and they will make a difference.
What do you think?
