Constant resets, how I’m feeling and why I do this to myself

I first found this app a couple of weeks ago, I joined and initially had three sober days. I then had a couple of days away with my parents and thought what harm can it do having a couple of drinks socially with them over dinner, I’ll reset and start again when we get back, no problem I’ve done three days!

I was slightly disappointed to reset but justified it to myself!

Pressing reset was then too easy. It’s the holidays and there have been many social occasions since, so yes I tell myself I’ll drink socially. Again too easy to justify.

I’ve always enjoyed a drink. My friends are all known to enjoy a drink. I’ve spoken to a few about ‘let’s all have a sober week and leave it to the weekend’ it doesn’t happen.

I have a stressful life. I run my own business and my partner has just done the same about eight months ago. I agreed to do the books for him to keep costs down whilst it gets going. He works long hours, I run the house, shopping etc, I am a mum and now feel like I’m trying to keep ontop of two businesses plus I do all personal finances and house bills.

My partners children live two to three hours away so as he moved up here to be with me I’m then often driving there and back to get his youngest which then rules out a day from my working day. I feel I need to support where I can as he moved here to be with me, but now feel the travelling, running the businesses and looking after our children is often taken for granted.

My job is dealing one on one with the public (I’m a beauty therapist) I do often feel I can’t face seeing anyone and talk/be happy I hide a bottle of wine in the cupboard to give me strength between clients. I know this is totally unprofessional and id be mortified if anyone knew or a client smelt it on me but I sometimes don’t know how to cope.

My partner is a strong character and I feel I too easily fit in with what he needs. I don’t know how to break the cycle as I just do things as ‘it’s easier’.

I have drunk just about every day for the past three years (we have been together for four and a half). My daughter now steers me away from the alcohol aisle in supermarkets and tells me off whenever she sees me drinking which is awful. She is 11. I then have a drink to prove to myself that I’m an adult and can do what I like. Other times I drink when I’ve had an argument with my partner as a way of punishing myself. Does that sound odd? I know how fat and sluggish I will feel, how guilty I will feel but then think fuck it I’ll do it anyway.

I’ve put on two stone in the last three years and know it’s alcohol, I look in the mirror and really don’t like what I’ve done to myself.

I read all of your posts and you have some truly inspiring stories so had a moment of strength and wanted to write it all down.

Thank you for any advice and to hear if anyone else has any similar experiences and has come out the other side!

Ps I’m on day two again :blush:

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Well done on day two! So glad you are here😊

I know well the bartering with yourself game. I have switched the type of.alcohol, sworn to only drink at 'occasions, promised to stop drinking when my partner does rather than wait for them to go to bed and then drink another 2 bottles of wine. It all led right back to the same place - drinking more and more.

I’m only a little ahead of you on the journey at 10 days in. I’ve also had constant resets but this time I’m quitting with the help of a therapist and online AA meetings. What are you going to do differently this time?

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Welcome on your day 2 :wink:
How I recognize that battle in your head: when can I drink, how many can I drink, we’re do I hide my drink, etc.
That’s one of the main reasons why I quit drinking! I’ve had some resets too. I tried to learn from it and made changes to avoid a new one. Like @Kipper said: what are you going to do differently this time?
Today I’m 347 days sober, if I can you can! I have made a list for myself with tips and tricks and I stick to it. I send it to you, it may be of help for you too:

  • No alcohol in my house
  • Refrigerator filled with nice food and alc. free drinks
  • Telling my spouse about my sober plan
  • Avoid alcohol related activities and friends (at least in the beginning)
  • Having a day counter
  • Avoid wine/beer section in the supermarket and avoid liquor store
  • Taking a strong vitamine B complex
  • Taking melatonin to help me sleep
  • Be gentle to myself, like go to bed early, taking a long bath, etc.
  • Doing relaxing activaties like meditate, yoga, walking, etc.
  • When I have cravings: I don’t pick up that first one but I walk, run, work out, eat chocolat, watch Netflix, clean, study, whatever.
  • Ask for help when I need it.
  • Be here every day to read and check in sober.

Go for it lady!! :facepunch:

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Hi Lisa.I can relate to the pressures you face and how you have found yourself in this situation.
Keep logging in here and reading . It is so inspiring to know that you aren’t alone - that was the main thing for me in those tough early days.
I have made it to 2 months and 7 days now and it does get easier but I still take it one day at a time .
You can do it!

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Maybe try a meeting they will help wish you well

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Welcome to TS Lisa! Thank you for telling us your story. There are some great people around here who’ve been in your shoes. They will cheer you on, give you sound, smart advice and root for you. You’re here, so you WANT change. As others have said, come up with a sober game plan and try and stick with it. Shake things up and do things differently this time. Check in here early and often. Read and post and repeat as needed. You CAN do this! We are here for you and we ALL got your back!

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Thank you so much for responding to me and sorry it’s taken me a while to reply.

The first change that I have made is making the decision to write it down on here. That has been a relief and has made things more real. I also feel accountable to you all now too rather than just the battles in my head!

I didn’t realise that AA can also be online so I will definitely look at that. I’ve looked at local meetings before and can’t find the time to commit to going so that is s good idea.

Yesterday I went for a late lunch with a friend and drank a sparking elderflower water. This is a first for me and was actually very nice. It tasted like a flavoured gin :laughing: I used the excuse that I was working later and driving (which I was doing both) though in the past I would have justified a large wine. And yes would still have driven… it felt good to not feel guilty about drink driving too. I hope that lasts.

Tonight we are going to a BBQ with friends. I have said to my partner that I will drive. He says he will as he doesn’t want to drink. He barely drinks anyway to be honest. I usually make up for the both of us! I need to insist later that I will.

I haven’t told him that I know I have a problem or that I have joined this group. I suppose that I am scared to admit it to him. He has often made sarcastic digs about my drinking so i guess I want to show that I am doing something about it without admitting it all, at least not yet anyway.

I have downloaded a solitaire app on my phone to keep me busy. I feel addicted already. I do think that I have an addictive personality! It helps as I can switch off to my thoughts and concentrate on that. I was always a big reader but can’t seem to take books in at the moment.

Wow my posts turn into essays don’t they :laughing:

It’s so nice to be able to write my thoughts down to you on here. People say to write things down in a notebook but if it’s not shared it doesn’t feel the same. I’m so pleased that I found this group and took the step to open up.

Thank you again

Ps 3 days and 10 hours!

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I’d start here. Forget the rest. This is why you can’t afford to reset again. She’s right.

You have a lot of pressure on you and it sounds like you’re way of dealing with it is to smush yourself smaller and smaller and to sacrifice yourself.

You’ve got one life. And the star of your life is you. Not your partner. There are no martyr awards.

Stop the hamster wheel you’re on and declare some time and space for you. You’re allowed to take up room. You’ve got one life. And it sounds like in your particular world, if you win, and by that I mean, if you save yourself, you win for you and for your daughter.

Don’t wait for your friends to quit. Mine never did. It’s you. Your decision.

Congrats on day three. I’m rooting for you.

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Thank you and I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do.

I would like to clarify that that I was rarely drunk in front of my daughter,though this has happened. It’s the fact that she more times than not saw mum with some form of drink in her hand every evening. Plus knew that I would often have a drink with a friend then drive home justifying to myself that it wasn’t far!

On a positive note, we went to a friends for a bbq last night and I insisted on driving so that I didn’t drink and felt really good about myself :blush: once I got past the initial conversation / surprise from friends that I was driving it was much easier than I thought!

Ps day 4 :blush:

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Congratulations on making it through the BBQ- that’s so hard in the really early days. Every time you get through a social event without drinking you will feel so proud of yourself. Have a good day !

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Dear Lisa
Thanks for sharing
Your story could have been mine
Amazing to read it.
Also the resets, feeling guilty.
I put a lot of effort in my looks and hate myself for drinking wine.
And yet i do do it.
And justify it. And reset
And start over.
Goodluck to you girl x

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Thank you, this is why I’m so glad that I decided to open up on here. I needed to know that I’m not the only one who isn’t coping xxx

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Thanks! We are so brainwashed by society that we cannot believe there is a happy life without alcohol.
No good meal without a glas of fancy merlot
Sauvignon blanc ar five o clock.
I have read so many books.
But still strugling.
I drank last night for no reason
Felt like a glass of wine and had so many excuses why i ’ deserved’ it
Glass turned into a bottle and some more.
Feeling low and sad
So learn from my mistake :slight_smile:

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Going to the gym now,
New day new chances :slight_smile:

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Sorry that you are feeling low and going to the gym is a good positive thing to do. I always find when I do exercise I feel lifted and automatically want to eat healthier too!

Is it mainly at home that you struggle with? @Frantasticooo has just said to me to write s list of all the reasons why I shouldn’t drink and how it makes me feel which I will do. Maybe try that too xxx keep it with you xxx

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Wow, you sound exactly like me. (I’m older for sure) but Having to run several businesses, do all the bookwork, all the housework, cooking keeping everyone happy and then drinking for many and varied reasons and also to hurt myself so I can fix it too. What the absolute crazy hell. I managed to quit for 36 days , I’m back starting again and that’s it for me. I just can’t drink moderately, just the way it is. I wish you luck on your quest for better. We can do this. Looking around this site there is a lot of successful, inspirational people.

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Thank you for replying. It’s so reassuring not to be alone in my story. I’ve always managed stress with a drink ‘I’d earned it’ etc. Once I’d had one I may as well start again tomorrow etc etc. What caused you to reset if you don’t mind me asking? I wish you all the best. There are so many strong, inspirational people on here, it’s really helping me to stay focused

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I think I got to far ahead of myself. I was feeling really comfortable and loving the being sober thing and thought it wouldn’t really.matter if I had a drink with my husband-it was the weekend , it actually was a great weekend with all the kids and I forgot that it was only great because alcohol was not Involved and we were all interacting with each other and enjoying the moment. I suppose I wanted to keep that going -its just stupid and frustrating. I like to being able to rely on myself and I let myself down. There needs to be an adult that everyone can rely on. I think I just have to maintain the focus on where I am not get to far ahead of myself, I just read a post from @Alliecat , she has been sober for 5 years. We can do this. There are so many inspiring stories from real people here. :slight_smile: good luck to you @LisaC x

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Thank you. We need to be there for our children. For my daughter to tell me not to drink on various occasions was an eye opener. I rarely got drunk in front of her but that has happened. I even justify it to her that I’d have a stressful day etc which then worried me as I’m then teaching her bad habits and I wouldn’t want her dealing with life like me! Keep reading these posts and stay strong. We need to love ourselves xx

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I reset this morning. I can relate to parts of every persons story!! I’m back on day 1. Going to follow the suggestions to make a plan to handle cravings. I’m so thankful I can come to this site for wisdom, guidance, and support.
I want my sober life back. I’m going to work on being sober harder than I worked on drinking. , I know the sober path will eventually become the smoother way to travel.
Reading how all of you are working on sobriety is helpful and comforting. Thanks for the honest on this site.

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