Hi, I’ve controlled drank for two years and go to AA. I find it hard to see a life without alcohol but I’m on day one of a 45 day sobriety time to beat my record. Realized my controlled drinking was increasing and so took action. 
I have an addiction problem but don’t like the word alcoholic and haven’t had what AAers call a rock bottom. 
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People who can control their drinking don’t go to AA, don’t worry about their controlled drinking increasing (because it’s… ya know, under control) and don’t have sober record because that’s not something they think about. Could it be that your controlled drinking isn’t so controlled?
Also, this is a sobriety forum, not a moderation forum.
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Thanks Amy. Yes, I agree my controlled drinking may be described as something other than controlled such as moderation. Why do I go to AA? Because it was suggested a while back when I was drinking heavily. I need a little help in understanding what decisions to make about AA at present and the discussion here is beneficial. I am keen to be sober for 45 days as is important for my health so I’m using this app/forum as a sober forum. Not so easy to leave AA as…I can go into detail later. 
I’m on day one of my journey.
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Hi Benji! I hope that this place offers you the support that you need to stay sober. There is no wrong way to do it, it has to be something that you can maintain. And who knows, maybe after 45 days, you’ll be less happy about the idea of starting again…
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Hi Lou82 yes thank you. I too hope it will give me support to stay sober. Also, I do expect to not have any desire for alcohol after 45 days. 
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Oof be careful with this expectation as its not my experience especially as early as 45 days… to have no desire at all is a big expectation and not realistic imho…it took me til around a year before i stopped ‘wanting’ a drink…i still get cravings but thats just my addict brain going back through the neurological pathways i created with alcohol…i get a craving i dont act on it and look at why the craving comes ie whats making me want to escape, comfort myself or whatever reason
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Yes, thank you. It really is this.
Somebody once said to me it does take a year. 
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Of course everyone is different theres no hard and fast rules with regards to time but 45 days id say is way too early. I tell myself that drinking to attempt to solve anything just isnt an option anymore and so i have to find another way, my brain is conditioned to want to go to alcohol but the more i use other ways to deal with life the less those cravings happen but it takes time, work and patience to get to that point
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only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking . and as for 45 days no desire were you get this info from ?, but as always i wish you well keep us informed on your journey
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Welcome to the forum and well done on taking action, when you felt something wasn’t right anymore. I also didn’t have a true rock bottom. I quit drinking when I realized that the effects of my daily consumption kept me trapped in a circle of despair and self-loathing and I was going nowhere with this. Never regretted making that choice and taking steps towards a different and I may say, happier future. See where it leads you. Lots of inspiring people around here.
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Welcome Ben!
When I started my sober journey, I had no intention on quitting for good. I basically went to AA (and IOP) to get everyone off my back and to “reset”. Turns out, I loved sober me and continued on with sobriety. I found that love for my sober self at AA. After 4 years, I can’t imagine going back to putting poison in my body. I hope you come to the conclusion you don’t need to poison yourself either.
I’ve met a ton of people in AA that never hit a rock bottom. Honestly, I wish I was one of them. Mine was only a DUI but I do wish I stopped much sooner.
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The benefit of hindsight makes us realise what we thought was controlled or moderation was actually not. As you say, you can see the slide. It can be quicker for some, or slower for others. On paper I didn’t have a rock bottom either, but in reality I was hanging on with my fingernails. Getting out before the shit hits the fan is a wise move.
And welcome 
!
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Welcome to TS!
I guess my questions is… are you ready to quit drinking? Really ready? You’re going to AA, still drinking, and struggle with the idea of a life without alcohol.
Rock bottom is not required. Please quit waiting for one. I had 2 car accidents while driving intoxicated… luckily it was only my car involved, I left the scene both times and ran, so didn’t end up arrested or slapped with a DUI. So what is rock bottom? Third times a charm, right?! I go out driving drunk again because I got away with it before and this time end up killing someone, a family? Being thrown in prison for homicide while DUI sounds like rock bottom. I didn’t want to risk that, but definitely didn’t stop me from drinking heavily and I started “moderating” or “controlling” my driving under the influence. I still could have lost my kids, my profession, and a lot of other shit. Rock bottom was always breathing down my neck. The other shoe was over my head and ready to drop any second, I was still being reckless because I’m an alcoholic and my addict brain was always there to tell me it would be fine!
If the labels bother you, remove them or change them. Labels are also not required to live a life of sobriety. All through my teens and 20s if someone implied I was an alcoholic I would laugh and tell them “Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk.” News flash… I was an alcoholic. Still am. Making it a joke and calling it something different didn’t change a thing. But now if it gets brought up in my life, I just say I’m sober, I don’t say I’m an alcoholic. (Unless I’m on here, because this is my support community for sobriety.) You said in your original post, you have an addiction problem. But you don’t like the word alcoholic. Remove the label if it’s getting in the way of your recovery. Call it what you’re comfortable calling it. Hell, call it Queen Elizabeth if you want. But if you aren’t ready to get honest with yourself and actually ready to quit, you aren’t going to be successful in maintaining sobriety. 45 days? Sure, maybe. But you’ve already put a date on when you get to pick back up and jump back on the hamster wheel.
I wish you well on your 45 days!
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Welcome Benji!! I was never partial to the label alcoholic either, neither did I hit what people consider a rock bottom. I also had many years of attempting to control my drinking, making up rules for 'success ’ and how I could keep alcohol in my life. Invariably, I would break the rule of the moment and so try another. And so on. All of this played havoc with my head…I spent a lot of mental time and energy trying to figure out how I could keep alcohol in my life. The drinking also played havoc with my health…poor sleep, weight gain, poor food choices, empty alcohol calories, etc. My mental health was suffering…I felt so defeated and like a failure that I couldn’t figure out how to drink normally. My mind was often in a very very dark place. I had a lot of regrets and shame.
I look back now and wonder what was so attractive about that life that I fought so hard to continue it?
In the end, I chose the unknown path. A new journey. A fresh chance. I have never regretted it.
We know what the drinking life holds. How the days and evenings will go. What we don’t know is how our lives will unfold when we no longer drink for long term. A fresh new path. Not devoid of life’s joys or challenges, just devoid of alcohol and all that brings with it. An opportunity to begin again and see who we are beneath all that and what life is like without substances. It can be a lot, a damn lot, but for me…so very worth it.
Letting go of that mental confusion and gymnastics that alcohol brings has been freeing.
Choose yourself and your healing every day. You are worth it.
We don’t need to self identify as an alcoholic or be at a rock bottom to know in our hearts and minds that we have a problem.
Check out Allen Carr’s The Easy Way to Stop Drinking and Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind to get a new perspective on alcohol and drinking.
Glad you are here.
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I always controlled my drinking too. I drank as much as I wanted whenever I wanted. If I didn’t create limits I couldn’t go over my limit. 
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Welcome to the community Benji
I know for years I tired controlled drinking but realized it was just me trying to outsmart myself (not winning obviously) and thinking i had a handle on things even when it was out of control. I do not like the term alcoholic but i do know that i do not have a healthy relationship with drinking / smoking. I can not moderate or control it - best way for me is to abstain completely and not poison my body any longer.
Great job on day 1 my friend. We don’t all necessarily have to hit the “rock bottom” - its a different journey for everyone but the main thing is that we are all aiming for the same destination. I find this community to be super helpful and supportive. Many folks here going through or have gone through the same struggles. Stay active here and read around the threads - jump in when you feel comfortable. Do also try to find good support systems in real life to help you in this journey as well.
Take it one day at a time my friend - you can be stronger than this addiction. 
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Thank you JazzyS.
Yes, it could be me trying to outsmart myself. Very interesting!
I have quit smoking for a year and so the ‘silly excuse would be no pleasures left’. That is just an excuse and I know that doing practical, new adventures is the answer.
I find going to the cinema is very helpful to my psychie. The inspiration brings me to a happy level and of course as we cut down more and more on alcohol which I plan to we become happier.
It is a fight with the mind. I’m so glad I found this forum and to see all your helpful comments too.
Interestingly, before I was in my late 20’s I didn’t use to have this kind of brain function. I guess I’m doing the right things and maybe funnily baffled by my own controlling of alcohol.
It is time to be grateful that I have a problem that I am also seeing to. Thanks.
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Love the caption Lorelai!
I shall start to live by this.
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We are on the same page
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Yes indeed, thank you. The moderation discussions can be harmful for folks that need to embrace abstinence only. I know early in my sobriety talks about “successful moderation” tricked me several times before I understood I cannot and will not ever drink again.
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