Controlling The Usage

Relapses
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Hello all! I recently had a ‘relapse’ of sorts … I swore off alcohol, however I am actively on Naltrexone and it WORKS.
I am just curious as to the confusion I feel.
In one area I feel like I controlled it as an isolated day and it wasn’t NEAR what I used to drink (1/2 gallon a day to the most recent being a half pint)

The other feels disappointed in myself… I am posting here to gauge how you’d feel if it were similar. I did it on a day when I was alone and I was just watching movies and the craving kicked in…
I haven’t done it since and really have no desire to…
Is that a win? And loss at the same time?

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For me personally, if i was in ur situation, i would consider it a relapse and reset my timer. I know that for me, i can not moderate whatsoever and thats why i abstain 100% of the time.

It may seem like u were able to control ur consumption but this usually doesnt last long. At least in my experience. I may be able to go a little while “controlling” my usage but it quickly goes back to how i was before i wanted to quit. I think the fact that u are posting about it and asking questions, is a sign that u may deep down inside not feel 100% okay with the half a pint that u drank. Is a half a pint really worth risking ur sobriety and potentially losing everything? Its much easier to stay completely sober than to try and “control” it :slight_smile:

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If you read through the forum, you find way too many tales of moderation eventually failing.

For me, I can only control drink number zero. After that, its bad news.

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I agree with both of you, and yes I agree I’ll reset the timer and do better.
Though I will say I am glad I posted about it. I feel much better about the future and about my sobriety and abstaining completely.

Thank you:)

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Im glad u posted about it too :slight_smile: Its all a learning experience i think. I had tons of questions about recovery when i first got clean (and still do have questions to be honest)

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Ive been a member of this forum for 6 years and had read story after story of folks who decided to drink after some amount of sobriety. The story is the always same, they were able to control their drinking for a period of time, but it ALWAYS returned to a level before sobriety and more often than not, it was worse. That period of control varies, sometimes its a month, sometimes just a day, but the control always fades.

Had I not read all of those stories, I’d probably fall in that trap too (actually, I have before). But I realize that I am no different than any other alcoholic here, so I cannot expect anything different.

As I always say: I want to moderate my drinking because that would give me permission to get drunk, and that’s all I really want, because I’m an alcoholic, and that’s what alcoholics do, therefore I cannot moderate.

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Thank you for sharing, and I have to say I have been reading a bunch, and they do all end the same… I will control it and abstain, it is best, and I agree.
I read once that alcoholics control ONE thing, and that is the FIRST drink…
And I am no different.

Thank you @Butterflymoonwoman ! as well! It definitely is a learning curve for me… but a good one that I have this community to come to as well. Thank you all!

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If you controlled you wouldn’t have drank sorry for being blunt but I’d be resetting my counter if you were fully committed you would have “controlled” it by not drinking at all

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No need for apologies. I understand it. And you are right.
I reset it and started fresh with my knowledge that abstaining is best :smiley:

Thank you!

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What you’re describing is the insidious relapse trap.

  1. Emotional (craving)
  2. Mental relapse (mental struggle and rationalization)
  3. Acceptance (you’ve decided to drink)
  4. Physical relapse (you drink)
    …
    a self-loathing step or two, a sincere promise not to do it again AND… we’re back to step 1.

This is the never ending cycle until you decide for yourself you’ve had enough and that 1 pint is too many and a hundred never enough.

Good luck brother! Being here is a step in the right direction. Get hold of things now. Don’t look at yourself in 10 or 20 years and find you’re in the very same place.

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Thanks for posting about this. It’s so helpful to see struggles in real time, and the advice that comes through. I’m sure I would have relapsed (again) if it weren’t for posts like this. It’s a reminder to abstain even when I feel like, “just one wouldn’t hurt.”

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Thank you all for your comments as well! It truly has opened my eyes to so many things. And Yes, the struggle is real and one is never enough for me… so I know better, and I knew better,

Thank you again :smiley: