So, I’m very newly sober. I know I have a drinking problem. I got into it with my mom and she never answers my questions. She treats my younger sister way better than me. She throws money at her and goes above and beyond for her. I drink and she is on my ass and criticizing me. I keep asking her why she treats me differently. No answer. She finally text me today saying she’ll answer my questions if I show up sober. I’m planning to. I have questions prepared but what questions would you ask your mom ? Im curious
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I am an only child so I can’t speak to the sibling dynamic.
I have a fairly close relationship with my mum now. That has happened over time as I have become more understanding of the fact that she is just a human trying her best. Just like me.
Sometimes I think I would like to know more about her past, to understand the events that have shaped her. But I’m not sure if I could handle all of that, and I suspect she has told me what she is happy to share. As much as I can I just try to practice acceptance for her the way she is (as she does for me by and large, despite the things she does that annoy me and make me feel like a teenager again, ha), and gratitude that I have her in my life.
I obviously can’t speak to your relationship - but the fact you are here and your mum wants to speak to you sober suggests that alcohol has become a problematic factor in more ways than one. Good for you for taking the first steps to sort that out. It takes time for people to change their perception of us, that can be tough.
What do you want to ask your mum?
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I have had more of a problematic relationship with my dad. I had to, like @siand said above, come to terms witht the fact he is a man, a human being, with faults all his own. A father, doing the best he could, the best way he knew how.
When I found out he had cancer I text him, and told him I felt we had grown up together, both young and dumb, and that I forgave him as I hoped he would forgive me for my trespasses. He is right with God, and I know hes heading home.
We get so caught up with this physical world. When its all said and done the stuff and money wont matter, how you treated each other will though.
So my questions would be about how to get past all the trauma and hurt, to begin loving and accepting each other.
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I would ask my mom why she was so passive-aggressive with me and why she never did her own work in therapy to be a better mom emotionally like I am doing for my kids. But I don’t think the conversation would go very well. My mom has also repeatedly gotten defensive when I bring up things from the past so I’ve learned to let it rest. That’s good your mom can at least be willing to talk to you about things. Let us know how it goes.
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Thank you. That’s so true. I shouldn’t blame her for so much- she was a single mother trying to raise 2 kids. Yes/ my alcoholism definitely drew us apart too.
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I’m the oldest so I want to know why she has a different standard for me? I do consider myself smart and responsible and I never ask my mom for help. Maybe that’s a good thing? But she constantly helps out my younger sister. I just fell like they’re closer as well. I realized I need to work on my relationship with my mom.
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