So…my mother just text me…said my brother was surprised at the card…but asked my mother to thank me…
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I dont expect anything in return but i guess i kinda hoped for a thank you text but instead hes asked my mother to thank me for him… i dont really know what to think of that other than i guess hes still not speaking to me
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You got something, and something is more than nothing, and the something you got was positive.
I’d say you got a great return on your investment.
A card was never going to fix what happened, but was a gesture to show contrition and you care.
I think the card is doing invisible work more powerful than you give it credit for.
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Time will tell i guess
Man i need to get this out… my brother still isnt speaking to me…i spoke to my mum yesterday who had had a talk with my brother and the end result was not good…apparently on her asking him to make up with me his reaction was…’ no i prefer things this way’ …i cried, it really hurts…my brother is 7 years younger than me…yes i was out of order with the things i said to him in drink but ive apologised, sent him a birthday card a d gift, spent time with his 2 young daughters, got gifts at christmas for his daughters and still he says this. Over the years ive gone out of my way for him, got him out of situations, helped him out with money, been there emotionally any time he needed me, ive been a bloody good sister apart from when i was drinking…yet hes chosen to throw me away like im nothing to him when i needed him most…i am hurt beyond belief and angry…really angry!!!
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I’m sorry Kelly, sometimes we don’t get in return what we are giving. I understand your frustration and anger. I’m sorry you’re hurting so bad. Big hugs.
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I’m so sorry and I’m sure very painful and unfair. Unfortunately, we can’t control much about people, places and things. It’s hard to let go and just keep doing the next right thing when you feel you’ve been wronged. I’m so glad you posted to vent. That is what we are here for.
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I did mess up in the last 5 years i absolutely own that but i was in a bad way…i dont think any of my family truly realised how bad i was…my drinking started after a sequence of events that led me to sheer desperation…im going to vent it here…
I had a good relationship with my daughters father when we were still together, we tried for my daughter for 2 years, i found out i was pregnant we were overjoyed…at least i though we both were, half way through my pregnancy i realised he wasnt and had changed his mind…
I had an extremely traumatic birth where my daughter and i could have both not made it
My daughter wasnt an easy baby and i felt very overwhelmed, she didnt sleep or eat well at all, i got very little help from her dad
We moved to a bigger house to accomodate for my daughters dads other 2 children who were 9 year old boy girl twins who stayed every weekend
My daughters dad told me he wanted to split with me when my daughter was a year old, i was absolutely devastated
I had to move back in with my parents with my daughter, i have a difficult relationship with her
I found and moved into a place of our own that wasnt ideal but i needed to get away from my mothers overbearing and controlling ways
My daughters dad attempted suicide
My grandmother died who i was closer to than my mother and was my biggest chearleader
Thats when i started to drink to cope…
I needed help, i did reach out to family for help…knowone came
My brother knows all of this yet when i messed up im thrown away like im nothing
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It is hard when people disappoint us. I am sorry you are feeling unsupported by family. Sometimes we can move forward from situations like this by being our own #1 support and relying on our self. Sometimes relationships change with more time too. Wishing you healing. 
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I am sorry to hear that he isn’t willing to move forward and move on from the bad times. I don’t have advice in the moment, but I’m sending a big hug your way and lots of love. I hope the new year brings joy and peace to you and your family. 
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Thanks everyone for all your kind words, i love you all very much
Moving forward i need to find a way to move past this whole thing with my brother, my thoughts at the moment are that hes an unfeeling ungrateful brat n i should forget him but its not that easy, i need to find how to accept it, move on and not be resentful
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This is where AA helped me with acceptance and resentment, but I know dharma recovery helps with that as well. Also keep in mind that your brother sounds sick and a bit narcissistic. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Based on your post, you are a very strong woman going thru all you have. Really lean in to your sober friends and supports. I’m so sorry you are going thru this.
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Hes had drink and drug problems himself that ive tried to help with, he has 2 daughters by 2 different women…not that thats really an issue, hes still with the mom of the youngest one but isnt allowed to live with her because he was violent with her one night and social services got involved, he was violent with me on the same occasion when i went to try and help…when he does have his daughters he sits upstairs and lets my mum look after them as he lives in her house, hes 35 and has never had a home of his own, he hasnt a clue the struggles ive had yet sits in judgement…with all that said hes my little brother and it hurts
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Yeah, I was wondering about that. He’s sick and sick people aren’t likely to be able to offer any sort of support, may even try to drag you down. It does hurt. Glad you came here to discuss as I guarantee there are others here that have similar experiences.
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I am so sorry. This is so hard and must be so stressful and disappointing. Maybe work it in reverse to help you stay sane and sober- you’re so focused on his forgiveness toward you, but maybe it’s time to work in your forgiveness toward him. Try to hold him in a place of grace and acceptance- all his wrongs, flaws, forgive him and let it go. Continue to love his kids, continue to reach out if it’s natural and makes you happy, and see what happens when you get yourself in that good place and give it time.
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Thanks so much for this…what i need to remember is that my worth doesnt hinge on whether he forgives me or not…from what im hearing hes more for an ‘easy life’ in every aspect of his life at the moment… apothetic to anything that causes him hassel and apparently im hassel… which i find really sad but hey ho i cant control how he acts i can only control myself and my reactions and so il just keep doing me, definately loving my neices because they are so dear to me and i know im a good auntie so that will always continue as will my sobriety.
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And on the bright side, you still get to see your nieces and have a relationship with them. That is great!
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Oh definitely, i treasure that.
Resurrecting this thread for a moment to vent a little…my brother still isnt speaking to me…its his daughters 4th birthday at the weekend, my daughter is welcome but im not so my mother is taking her…i had a day yesterday where i just felt angry and hurt all day about the whole senario…i cried alone most of the day…i didnt want my family to know i was upset. I had to call at my mothers house before i picked up my daughter from school so i got myself together and went to my mums, even though i tried to act like i was ok she noticed and text me after i left to ask whats wrong…so i told her the truth that im upset and angry at the whole thing…she then got really angry with me then proceded to make the whole thing about how she feels about it and that im having a go at her?? Not once did i say it was her fault or have any kind of go about her…im allowed to get upset about thing sometimes? This is why i try not to vent to her…im really struggling to understand her reaction…
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I think a lot of mothers and fathers can make it all about them, they are the victim, etc. she probably won’t be someone you can lean in on. Do you have other sober friends/family members you can let support you in what very legitimately is a hard situation?
Ironic to be reading this this morning. Last night on my zoom AA meeting (we are a smaller very close knit group) we had a visitor log on and share an issue she is going thru with her sister, very similar to what you are having to deal with. She has 2 1/2 years of sobriety and it’s been in AA that whole time. I was so unabashedly impressed with her share and how she is dealing with this challenge. She knew none of us, but got on and needed to vent. And guess what, that’s what, the AA community is therefore. There are so many sobriety communities to choose from now it’s a great way to be connected especially when you’re going through rough times. You are not alone others have been through it and we will support you through it. Hang in there, my friend you’re knocking it out of the ballpark.
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