Hi, I just wanted to see if anyone had any advice on couples in recovery. What do you do for your other half when they are struggling over and over again? It makes it very difficult when they become mean. I had to learn the hard way that you can support them but they need to make the choice to stay sober 
Thank you
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I’ve been through this a few times, both with my ex and now with my current partner. It’s definitely a tricky situation. You’re spot on—we can get a bit too sensitive and harsh when we’re just starting to recover. Here are some things that have helped me succeed in a relationship while I’m recovering:
Understanding: It’s not just about knowing they’re going through a tough time, but also recognizing that you might be more sensitive. Also, remember that you both might have different ways to get sober. Everyone’s recovery is unique, as you can see in books like Talking Sober. Finally, understand that they’re healing just as you are.
Space: This includes both physical and emotional space. I’m not suggesting a complete separation, but maybe give yourself some time in the morning and evening to clear your head. You might want to do meetings together or separately, or even not at all for some people. It’s okay if you or they don’t want to talk about everything all the time. Some people need to express their feelings more often.
Support: When one person is struggling, it’s really important that the other is ready to say no. This can take many forms, so it’s important to be mentally prepared. Have the conversation about “it’s okay to tell me no.” At the end of the day, you both know each other’s most recent struggles better than anyone else. Use that knowledge to support each other on your journey.
It’s not impossible, and it won’t be easy, but anything worth it rarely is. Welcome to the community
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This has been my greatest challenge on my journey of sobriety.
I was with my partner for almost 15 years when I decided to get sober. It was extremely difficult at first as I knew I couldn’t ask him to quit drinking.
I did set some boundaries and that worked for a while but eventually they were crossed and after many months of self work and reflection I realized we weren’t right for one another.
There were many reasons we were no longer aligned but I’ve realized I cannot successfully maintain a relationship with another addict who is in active addiction.
My heart goes out to you and what you’re going through. Loving someone who is struggling and also taking it out on you is not for the faint of heart.
They’re lucky to have your support and compassion and I hope you’re taking care of yourself first and foremost. You have to be your priority over them.
I just wanted to comment so you know you’re certainly not alone on this and I believe there is a really good thread on here dedicated to people with partners in active addiction. 
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