Tonight I put everything in motion. I filled in the form for rehab. And I switched to an insurance that does have a contract with the rehab and that will cover the costs. So I thought, maybe a good idea to make a thread keeping you all up-to-date on my journey which will hopefully end with voluntarily never seeing you guys again(because that would mean I went to rehab and am able to stay in recovery as TS is in a way also part of my addiction).
All I can do now is call my dad about it and ask his permission because I’m a minor even if it’s for just over a month left. Not looking forward to that as he does not understand I’m an addict at all and I still feel like he will judge me and refuse me being treated like he attempted last time.
For the rest it’s just waiting for a response from rehab and them telling me if I can go again and if so when the intake will be
Well done Jan! I hope you don’t feel like loser or something for opting to go back to rehab bc that’s not true. This is another step forward in recovery. The issues you struggle with have developed over time so it’s also going to take time to work through them. I’m very proud of your humility and determination. I do hope things will go smoothly with applying and your dad.
I see the possibility to go back to rehab as a blessing. I have missed that place so much. Yes, I was attacked, yes, people threw food at my head, but those were valuable learning moments for me. I miss the structure. I miss the tight group of people who know your deepest secrets. I miss physical exercise for 3 hours a day. I miss being confronted with my behaviour. I miss everything about it.
I’m so happy for you. You really know what you need and you’re going for it. Hopefully your dad’s opinion about your addiction has changed. Best wishes on your journey.
I can’t believe at your age your this dedicated to your recovery, it makes me proud to see you continuesly trying. It hasn’t been easy and I sometimes struggle to understand the complex nature of your addiction as it has many facets but you never give up. I hope you get the chance to go back to rehab and gain further insight, having autism adds a whole other level of complexity and I wonder if the rehabs there understand this as I don’t think where I went would have had been very helpful. Fingers crossed that you get the support you need
I just had a call with my sponsor for the first time in almost a month. Turns out he is doing bad too. And that he is thinking of going back to rehab too. The exact same rehab I went too. And if we both are allowed back in, there will probably be a huge overlap when we’re both there. I do not think this is coincidence. I am certain that this is God’s work; That he is giving me the power to convince my sponsor to go back to rehab too.
They just called me. They are leaving me to rot. They are saying FUCK YOU. They are saying I didn’t try hard enough to be let back in. They can’t fucking know that. I have spend 24+ days on here working on my recovery. I have spent hours upon hours attending TS meetings. I got a sponsor. I worked the steps. I followed the after rehab program for longer than recommended, because I was trying so goddamn hard. But no, I did not try hard enough. Now I’ll have to try it myself again. I have little hope since I’ve been trying since may. For the first time in ages suicidal thoughts, only for a few seconds before realizing that suicide is ridiculous and selfish, but still, dangerous thinking
It’s all in your head mate, have you tried meditating?
It’s up to you to figure out what you are made of, to cultivate discipline and to help others without having an authority figure there to tell you: good boy!
Know what I mean?
No posting about your progress, no selfies, no rehab, no external validation. Just chill out and do what’s right, find your purpose and apply yourself.
