Hi again,
I feel as though each time I relapse it’s just is worse and worse. I woke up with severe anxiety and hangover. I have to miss work again. I’m so stressed out and overwhelmed. I need to get help but am afraid to go away or to go on a leave from work. No one knows but my boyfriend that I’m going through this again or how bad it is. He drinks with me but he doesn’t have the same consequences. I feel horrible and distraught and like I’m finally throwing in the towel to this addiction that is really getting bad. I am hungover at work or missing work and I’m distanced from my family. I guess I just needed to get this out somewhere. Trying to reach out to a therapist to hopefully get some advice or help.
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Don’t wait for better times. Make it happen. We need to do it ourselves but we can’t do it alone. A therapist might help. But peer support might be at least just as helpful, if not more. We need each other friend. For me this place right here gave me that support, but early on I did face to face meetings too and they were a big help. Many folks here use these meetings (lots of possibilities, AA, SMART, Buddhist, Secular…), either in person or online. We’re in this together. We can do it together. And yes, the only thing we can do against addiction, the only power and control we have, is total abstinance. There’s no controlled drinking for folks like us. Let’s do this! Wishing you all success.
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It is a terrible burden to carry, I know, I carried mine far too long. I am glad you are here and reaching out. I know it feels like the cycle will never end, but each time your sober muscles grow a tiny bit…the key for me was to never stop trying to reach my goal of sobriety. Hope you will stick around, there is a lot of accumulated knowledge and sober people here from all over the world. Do you enjoy reading? I gained so much sustenance and knowledge from reading about others journeys (here and in memoirs). Today is a good day to be sober. 
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I have such vivid dreams and goals of how my life could look if I stay sober. Getting back in shape, being happy, feeling content in nature. The reality of my drinking now , is it isn’t even fun anymore it’s like a chore. And my brain especially when hungover tells me I need to drink so that I don’t feel like shit. And then it comes Monday and I’m just a complete wreck of a person. I appreciate the words and support from this community. I do like to engage and read to understand this really is a battle I don’t have to fight alone.
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I know I’m the only one who can do this for myself. I need to not just want better times i need to work for them. Thank you for your advice and support. I want to stay here and hang on to my sobriety for good this time. I’m going to look into ways I can find in person support.
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To expand on the peer support / therapist thing a little bit, I needed sobriety first, before I could get myself into therapy with succes. So for me it started with peer support, and when I had a bit of sober time under my belt I started therapy, which also has to do with the waiting lists for the mental health services here (The Netherlands) .
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This was exactly the way that I got with my drinking! I never, ever thought I would be free. I found this forum and a fella on here said to me, “ NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES “……and 
pow!! It just clicked. It was pure madness for me to be doing the same shit over and over and expecting outcomes. With this forum (I come here everyday) I’m now at just passed 5 years!!! Don’t give up trying! Something will click, keep working towards your dream. It is possible to live a happy sober life! You are not alone, lean on us my friend! Also I found sober literature a great help. This naked mind by Annie Grace. And the easy way to get sober by Allen Carr were great…. There are some cracking biographies available. I wish you well 
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Thank you all for chiming in to me and offering support. I am still anxious and just honestly really mad I let myself get to this point again. I haven’t changed anything and have been spiraling for a while. I am trying to get the strength to turn my self pity thoughts into motivation.
I’m SO ready for change, I need to put in the work.
I found an in person therapist today. waiting to hear back and consult with them.
I have been so used to holding things in or dealing with them on my own. Trying to remind myself I do only get one life here and all other factors can be put on hold for me to get the help I need.
Thank you again 
Very anxious to show my face at work tomorrow.
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I will check in tomorrow, planning to be on here a lot to hold myself accountable and seek comfort in this community. Thank you for taking the time to share your support and knowledge.
Winding down and hoping I can get some sleep tonight. Knowing that tomorrow I may not feel the best but I won’t feel as bad as I did this morning. And so on!
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When you decide not to drink for the next 24 hours, in that moment a great strength emerges that you don’t care what you look like or how tired you feel, because inside I feel very strong. And when the 24 hours are up, have another 24 ahead. You’ll see that you like it
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Good luck at work @bettertimesahead sending you strength and facing your fears today remember to keep it in the day . Just conquer this 24 hours sober
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I have always thought of one day at a time, but looking at it the way of committing to being sober for the next 24 hours every morning will be really helpful. Thank you.
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Thank you kindly ! I’m almost to lunch. Didn’t sleep very well last night I had some night sweats. Which I also want to document so I can remember them when needed.
Overall I do enjoy to work and my bad brain feeds me the thoughts I’m not good enough and then I fear coming back and know I can do the job.
Loads to work on me to do emotionally to get me to a confident happy place.
Here’s to day 2.
Listening to recovery podcasts while working and planning to call my potential new therapist after I’m off.
Thanks for being here.
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Have you read any books about sobriety? I found that they were a really great tool
No I have not yet but have heard good things. I will get some. I love to read and don’t ever do it when I am drinking. Looking forward to getting through some books!
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Just finished cleaning up a yummy dinner I cooked for my family. Winding down with self care and trying to start praying again nightly. Hope all are doing well this evening.
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Thank you for the tip! I am going to do that.
Day 3 - healing , health , positive mindset. All things to come. Really hanging on to the fact I’ve got a long time for my body to heal after all I’ve put it through. Had some thoughts last night of envy of others that can drink normally. Sort of combatted it with the fact I abused drinking privileges. I also probably drank more than those people will drink in their lifetime in my drinking career. Thank you for being here, this place is full of people who care to listen and it makes my heart happy.
Today I am grateful for the people like you and all others pushing through to be their best selves and helping me in the early stages of recovery. Also for a fridge full of healthy food for my body and the ability to still go to work and to come home and go for a walk in nature.
I’ll will check in later on today. Hope you & everyone seeing this have a wonderful day wherever you are at.
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Glad to hear you made another twenty four hour. Keep it simple! One moment at a time and the goal of getting the head to the pillow sober tonight. It helps me to think in one day at time not in forever never again.
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Nice work on hitting day 3!
Thanks for sharing your journey with us
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Helllooo, hanging in there day 3 is coming to an end and I am putting my head on the pillow sober.
Many thoughts went through my head today about alcohol. Not necessarily wanting to drink but thinking of the future events and such and if I won’t be strong enough then. I know that one day or even moment is what I need to focus on right now.
I felt weird at points today, zoning out and such. Similar to waves of a hangover but they passed. The reminder of how bad my hangovers get is a driver for me for sure. Also felt very irritable and like I needed to take time for myself when I usually am the first to hop up and people please.
Will check in tomorrow to hold myself accountable for another day. I’m relaxed at the moment watching tv and having a cinnamon apple tea.
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