Curling in the squat rack 🏋️

[Alisa]

Get well soon!

[Girlinterrupted]

Yes! That’s exactly my problem. There is just no way around it. Last night was 4 hours and 11, minutes and the night before 3 hours and change. I try so hard to get to bed sooner, but I have a company to run, a huge designation to study for and then my dumb add was like, what a great time to add getting certified as a personal trainer in the current century lol. I do well under pressure, and I enjoy it. But I’ve been on this cycle of sleep for almost a year now. 5 or 6 hours is all I really need, but I’m going to strive for more. I also try to catch up on the weekends. I think I got over 9 hours one day but I was sick

[Girlinterrupted]

Rough, rough week. Tanking on my sleep goal. There is just too much to do. I have some right timelines coming up.

Anyway, I’ll post my stats over the weekend. I’m slowly increasing my calories. My weight is slowly creeping up. I think. It’s hard to tell because the fluctuations are all over the place. I’ll dump it into excel and graph it. I’m feeling comfortable with both the weight gain and increase in calories which is a miracle.

I’m going out with a young dude I dated briefly a few years ago shortly after splitting from my husband. This one is only 13 years younger haha. He reached out to me out of the blue, I don’t even remember why we stopped dating. We probably broke up while I was blacked out and I just never cared? Like we just stopped talking. I don’t know.

Anyway, I made it perfectly clear to him that I’m not dating anyone, but I’m an amazing wingman. He’s not my type anyway. Unless you currently live in my apartment, you’re not my type lol.

I remember not liking that he was a pot head. I was so turned off. Can you say glass houses??? Haha. Anyway, he knows I’m sober and he said he’s actually not been smoking or drinking at all and just working out a lot. So that was good to hear. We are going to a comedy show tonight
Anyway, just dropping in quick to give a little update that all is going well on my swole journey.

[Girlinterrupted]

Alrighty, a little weekly update. It’s been a very busy week and I’m still a wee bit under the weather. I’m slowly altering my macros and increasing calories. My weight has been pretty steady, but my body fat is decreasing slowly. I’d like to see the weight go up, so I’m adding more calories carefully. I’m trying to watch the protein intake because too much can be harmful, and I’m flirting with that amount. Carbs make me feel sluggish, so trying to see what I can get from carbs via fruits and veggies. Oats seem ok if I water them down, rice just flat out makes me tired. Those are the only two grains I’m not allergic too.

. . . . Calories | Weight | |% C/F/P |
Aug 01: 1482 | 112.9 | 4:14 | 29/22/49 | 2 hours 3 min
Aug 02: 1561 | 114.9 | 6:24 | 29/21/50 | 1 hour 45 min
Aug 03: 1299 | 114.7 | 4:54 | 22/23/55 | 2 hours 31 min
Aug 04: 1486 | 114.0 | 8:26 | 27/18/55 | 1 hour 35 min
Aug 05: 1730 | 114.0 | 5:21 | 36/14/50 | 1 hour 21 min
Aug 06: 1682 | 115.3 | 5:33 | 35/16/49 | 1 hour 56 min
Aug 07: 1480 | 114.2 | 8:26 | 35/14/51 | 1 hour 57min
Aug 08: 1808 | 114.6 | 7:16 | 22/25/53 | 2 hours 13 min
Aug 09: 1563 | 116.8 | 5:09 | 34/22/44 | 2 hours 54 min
Aug 10: 1557 | 117.3 | 5:31 | 32/19/49 | 2 hours 47 min
Aug 11: 1600 | 117.9 | 5:54 | 28/26/46 | 2 hours 53 min
Aug 12: 1658 | 117.9 | 5:09 | 23/28/49 | 2 hours 4 min
Aug 13: 1820 | 115.5 | 6:15 | 24/31/45 | 3 hours 5 min
Aug 14: 1655 | 114.9 | 9:18 | 22/29/49 | 1 hour 54 min
Aug 15: 1392 | 115.3 | 7:38 | 28/28/44 | 1 hour 16 min
Aug 16: 1906 | 114.0 | 3:52 | 22/33/45 | 2 hours 25 min
Aug 17: 1802 | 115.1 | 4:11 | 20/27/53 | 2 hours 16 min
Aug 18: 1855 | 115.1 | 4:59 | 21/29/50 | 2 hours 26 min
Aug 19: 1880 | 114.9 | 3:35 | 22/33/45 | 1 hour 53 min
Aug 20: 1615 | 115.5 | 5:43 | 27/25/48 | 0 hour 48 min
Aug 21: 1812 | 114.9 | 6:48 | 28/29/43 | 1 hour 52 min

I’m really exhausted this weekend. A friend of mine died of a heart attack Friday night. He was only 58. We weren’t that close, but it’s so sad and I feel bad for his fiancé and kids. He was a giant pain in the ass, but a really good guy.

I hung out with my little friend Friday night. We went to a comedy show and then came back here to watch a few movies. He was really nervous. He knows that I just want to be friends. (We dated a little bit 2 years ago, so we’re acquainted, ) I gave him the leftover wine in my fridge from my friend that came over a few months ago

Anyway, I’m just really sleepy. So, I’m going to do a pretty light workout today, study, and hopefully her to bed early.

[Alisa]

Sorry about your friend. Take care.

[Chiron]

Somehow I never saw that you posted about reaching out to your friend. Thank you for doing that. It’s been a little crazy on my end and I’ve barely had time to pop in here, so that’s probably why. I wrote a letter to the store, but I haven’t heard back. It’s all so dumb.

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend who passed away. Life is so short and we never really think about it, I think. It’s like we will live forever.

[Mike_Gee]

Do you lift bro?!?!?

[Girlinterrupted]

I think if you eat just a smidgen more, maybe up your protein a hair, and try to lift just a little heavier, you’ll be able to grow

Good lord man that’s what’s up!!!

I’ve switched up my lifting. I was doing 5 sets at 10 reps, decent rest between. More of a vertical stack I would say. Now I’m doing 3 sets of 8 at 80-90% of my 1 rep max.

I do Sagi Kalev videos and some yoga stuff too just to mix it up a bit.

I’m super interested in what you do to gain mass. I know you must eat a ton, and I’ll get there. What does your lifting look like?

[Girlinterrupted]

I’m gradually eating more. It’s a wee hard because the anorexic side of me panics a little, but I shut that bitch up with food lol. It’s weird, some days I look in the mirror and think I’m too skinny. Other days I see myself as fucking fat as shit. It’s so strange. All I know is that I’m not going to let my anorexia interfere with my goals. I went almost 300 calories over my rest day amount. I was physically hungry, so I fed myself. Eff you anorexia. I didn’t completely spaz over it, yay

Yesterday and the day before I took rest days. I’m feeling run down and I’m having a flair up on my right side. I’m having a hard time walking and using my right hand. Trying to be positive, it’s not my first rodeo, but I really can’t afford for it to progress to where I can barely walk at all for an extended period of time. The burning type pain is kicking in, but I can deal with it. I don’t think I’ve lived a single day of my life without pain, so you kinda just get used to it and deal with it. It’s when it interferes with my ability to walk and use my hands that it becomes a giant pain in the ass.

Anyway, August so far:

. . . . Calories | Weight | |% C/F/P |
Aug 01: 1482 | 112.9 | 4:14 | 29/22/49 | 2 hours 3 min
Aug 02: 1561 | 114.9 | 6:24 | 29/21/50 | 1 hour 45 min
Aug 03: 1299 | 114.7 | 4:54 | 22/23/55 | 2 hours 31 min
Aug 04: 1486 | 114.0 | 8:26 | 27/18/55 | 1 hour 35 min
Aug 05: 1730 | 114.0 | 5:21 | 36/14/50 | 1 hour 21 min
Aug 06: 1682 | 115.3 | 5:33 | 35/16/49 | 1 hour 56 min
Aug 07: 1480 | 114.2 | 8:26 | 35/14/51 | 1 hour 57min
Aug 08: 1808 | 114.6 | 7:16 | 22/25/53 | 2 hours 13 min
Aug 09: 1563 | 116.8 | 5:09 | 34/22/44 | 2 hours 54 min
Aug 10: 1557 | 117.3 | 5:31 | 32/19/49 | 2 hours 47 min
Aug 11: 1600 | 117.9 | 5:54 | 28/26/46 | 2 hours 53 min
Aug 12: 1658 | 117.9 | 5:09 | 23/28/49 | 2 hours 4 min
Aug 13: 1820 | 115.5 | 6:15 | 24/31/45 | 3 hours 5 min
Aug 14: 1655 | 114.9 | 9:18 | 22/29/49 | 1 hour 54 min
Aug 15: 1392 | 115.3 | 7:38 | 28/28/44 | 1 hour 16 min
Aug 16: 1906 | 114.0 | 3:52 | 22/33/45 | 2 hours 25 min
Aug 17: 1802 | 115.1 | 4:11 | 20/27/53 | 2 hours 16 min
Aug 18: 1855 | 115.1 | 4:59 | 21/29/50 | 2 hours 26 min
Aug 19: 1880 | 114.9 | 3:35 | 22/33/45 | 1 hour 53 min
Aug 20: 1615 | 115.5 | 5:43 | 27/25/48 | 0 hour 48 min
Aug 21: 1812 | 114.9 | 6:48 | 28/29/43 | 1 hour 52 min
Aug 22: 1930 | 114.2 | 7:17 | 31/29/40 | 1 hour 16 min
Aug 23: 1933 | 116.0 | 5:47 | 30/27/43 | 2 hours 24 min
Aug 24: 1887 | 115.7 | 4:45 | 30/30/40 | 2 hours 6 min
Aug 25: 1739 | 116.0 | 3:54 | 31/30/30 | 2 hours 17 min
Aug 26: 1571 | 116.0 | 4:30 | 25/34/41 | Rest 37 min
Aug 27: 1629 | 114.9 | 7:03 | 33/37/30 | Rest

[Tim904]

It’s been a productive week. CrossFit 4 days, regular lifting two

[Girlinterrupted]

Looks like my living room. I have to stop buying. Just got an EZ curl bar. I hide most of it under things because I have a small apartment.

The curl bar is under that chair my plates are in my credenza

[Tim904]

Haha- yea this is the “gym” at my housing complex. Its certainly not elite, but has everything to hit was CrossFit leaves out. I just wish it had a bench w/ a bar but you can bench press with dumbbells’.

[Mike_Gee]

5 meals a day, no diet, I really need to because I’m about 240 right now a little on heavy side. I lift mostly 4-5 days a week. Mostly power lifting, but I make sure to get plenty of reps in. I learned long ago from a body builder not to set the amount you will do, just do it till it burns, and do one more after that. I’ll be 46 soon, so I mostly try to maintain vs getting bigger

[Girlinterrupted]

I did powerlifting tonight, well with my girly weights. I don’t put up much yet. That sounds like a pretty solid plan to be honest. Our bodies are the best indicators of stress. We know when we’re maxing out. I guess it just goes with the rest of it, not one thing works for everyone.

My main thing is that I have to get a certain amount of protein due to a surgery that causes lack of absorption.

I’m 50, so I guess that makes the whole thing a bit more challenging. I keep forgetting that I’m 50 and that probably why I get shocked when I get so run down. Damn old lady body is betraying me

[Chiron]

@Girlinterrupted

I did powerlifting tonight, well with my girly weights.

Hey now, power is subjective! A car battery might be more powerful than AAs, but they both do the load they are physically capable of.

[Girlinterrupted]

Ooooh I like that. I did work to failure, but I was also weaker due to being run down. I was not too hard on myself. We can’t be 100%, 100% of the time. Thank you

[Girlinterrupted]

I’m really struggling with the calories. Never in my wildest dreams would I think I would be disappointed in myself for not being able to eat as much as I need to.

I try to add in the weight gainer, but even that makes me feel stuffed. I’m now shooting for 2,760 calories a day on workout days. I had a 993 calorie meal shake the other day. I just throw shit I’m there that’s good for me and choke it down lol. Anyway, I would loose my mind a few months ago if I even ate 800 calories in a day, let alone one meal. I did have to break it up in sessions. It was hard work haha.

Something really interesting happened. Sometimes I go back to my Furbo footage to check my form. When I look at those videos, I’m shocked by how skinny I look in them. In the mirror I see a chubby midsection and arms that are bigger and more defined than they really are. I look like fucking Olive Oyl in the pictures (that’s a character from Popeye for the younger folk)

Anyway, maybe I should be more patient with myself. I’m not going to gain 20lbs of muscle over night. My weight is not budging, which might be the best for now. I’m not sure how I might handle a gain.

Having an eating disorder is complex and frustrating. All I know is that I’m in “remission” right now. It’s the best word I can think of. One slip and it’s over. I do feel strong in it at the moment and I’m rolling up on 90 days. We’ll see. Just kinda wanted to check in and wine about not being able to eat enough.

I’m having a little issue with over spending and I’m talking to my therapist about it. I’ve purchased yet more items for my home gym. I spent almost $1,000 the other night on Olympic barbells, weight plates, gloves, and collars. Did I need a 1,500 weight capacity on the bar? Maybe, don’t judge lol.

I keep saying this is it, but then I just NEED something else. I’m here to say that I have a pretty small apartment. I’m going to end up on hoarders

[Chiron]

I had a thought, and please feel free to dismiss it, but maybe slowly up your calories over the weeks? However much you were eating before, up that by say, 300kc? Then the next week, then the next. It’s just like training your muscles. You’ve got to train yourself to take in that much again. Like you said before, you’re aiming for a lifestyle.

I think you’re doing great. You’re obviously fired up about it, and that’s helpful because you’re facing recovery from an eating disorder and you’re not 17 anymore so your body doesn’t build muscle as fast.

Whine all you need. It’s better than 'wine’ing all you want!!

That being said… When you end up on hoarders, I’ll take whatever gym equipment you are forced to get rid of

[Alisa]

You are doing great!!’ I was going to say same thing Chiron said, it’s ok to whine, just not wine! You’ll figure it all out! I’m
Proud of you! Hugs.
I think with everything you’re doing, you have to watch that you don’t actually lose weight which is not what you want to do.
Again I’m proud of you!

[Girlinterrupted]

Yeah, that’s what I’ve slowly been doing. I can’t believe how hard it is. Before I realize it the day is almost over and I still have 1,000 calories left lol. Now, if I was supposed to be decreasing my calories, I can guarantee you I would have no problem eating I’m so defiant haha.

September progress so far. Pink is my lady time. This past year I get very sick during my period. I’m nauseous, beyond exhausted, and everything flares up. I woke up with every single joint in my body hurting and swollen. Some months have been bad enough that I’ve taken a full week off of work. My boss is a dick, so that makes it more difficult. It’s me, I’m my boss, I’m too hard on myself haha.

So right now I’m glad it’s a holiday. I’m still in bed trying to get the energy to take Svetlana out. I feel like I can’t even lift my head. This is very annoying. I can’t wait for this menopause crap to conclude so I can grow my beard and just get on with my life.