Really struggling for a second and I am raising my hand for help.
I’ve just been out with my son and his half sister (she used to be my step daughter). It was a lovely day out and she has really grown since the last time I saw her (as a younger person and physically).
What I didn’t expect was the hit of feelings that took place when I left. I have just been hit by a wave of hurt and sadness as it took me back 4 years to when their mum kicked me out. The snatched time I got to spend with them, the feeling of them slipping away the custody battle to keep my son with me, losing my ex step daughter in the process.
It hit like a ton of bricks and right now I am being swept along with it. Thoughts of relapsing are aurfacing because this moment is so emotionally painful. I’m right back there.
I don’t know what help I need but help. I don’t want to relapse.
Sitting with feelings that are uncomfortable sucks. But you can do it. Feel it now because it’ll only resurface along with guilt and shame if you numb it by acting out.
Do you have a therapist you can call? Step away from whatever is going on and find a way to connect with your breath.
Sorry you’re struggling with those kinds of feelings from the past. That must be very difficult.
Come over to the gratitude thread and list 10 things you are grateful for.
It’s my strongest tool.
I had some days out of the blue I’d be exercise walking and bam sadness from the past would hit me and then tears. Feel it. It’s ok. It is sad. But it cannot be change. You know we can only deal with right now.
How bout thinking how grateful you are that you did get to see family. Your ARE Sober. This beautiful day to do the next right thing.
Big hugs friend
Hey- when I’m overwhelmed, it helps to submerge my face in an ice water bath. That helps to hack the body’s response to the overdrive of emotions. Cardio or calling a friend also help me. Play the tape through okay? Your feelings will be waiting for you on the other side of a relapse, along with guilt and shame I’m sorry these awful memories are coming up
Its gonna be ok friend, its ok to feel how you feel it is an emotional situation and would evoke emotion in anyone…you dont have to be scared and run from feelings…let it flow through you and feel it through, maybe a good cry might help, ive been in a very similar situation i understand where you are, big hugs from me xx
I’m so glad you reached out for support. I think I can understand a little bit of what you’re feeling. When I got divorced I lost all contact with my stepsons and I miss them a lot. It’s hard to live day to day without these people who were such an important part of our lives.
I think we do just have to sit with it for a minute and be sad. And maybe be glad that we have big enough hearts that we did love them? And always will?
Like others have said, your emotions are valid and it’s okay to feel them. I don’t have anything spesific to offer, but I’ve been in a similar situation with my family and kids. It’s tough, really, really tough, but the only way is just to feel the emotions like they arise. Running away from them makes the situation harder. Hugs, you’re not alone!
When I am unable to process big thoughts and feelings; I literally tell myself that I will get back to them later, imagine myself filing them away, deal with the residual gunk, and move one to self-soothing in a healthy way. For me that’s either a long shower or if the weather is nice, I go for a walk.
The most important thing is to get back to those thoughts and feelings! Otherwise, you’re just stuffing…and after a while…
But it’s okay to say, not right now.
I’m glad you got to spend time with her. I don’t want to imagine how complicated it must be. I’m so glad you came here for help. How are you doing since you’ve last posted?
Before I respond I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded. It really meant a lot to be supported by you all.
The tips you have all given are great. Water is definitely a soothing thing for me so I will practice that going forward.
As to how I feel? Hurt, raw, guilty but this is the past bubbling up to the surface. It feels like it is less intense now and self care has really helped to take the edge off.
I also feel really lucky to be supported through this.
This is an excellent opportunity to let go and let God.
You did what you did, you said what you said, all because you were limited to what you knew at the time. We all do the best we can with the resources that we have available to us. Release the burden of perfection off of you. Apologize where you need (and if you can) and move on. But more than anything, forgive yourself.
Let this be a reminder of how much you’ve grown! If you don’t look back on your life and cringe, you haven’t grown at all.
Emotions come and go like waves. I‘m not saying it’s easy, but you are not that wave. It will pass and it will change when you have felt through it.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. In your post I can notice your love for both of the kids. They must be awesome human beings. So good that you had the chance to spend time with them. It’s worth the painful feelings. But I know it’s incredibly hard.
You know what‘s incredibly strong? You reaching out for help. You are kicking addiction‘s mean ass and I love it! Very well Done. Glad you got helpful support.
sadness from the past would hit me and then tears. Feel it. It’s ok. It is sad. But it cannot be change. You know we can only deal with right now.
friend 
I’m sorry these awful memories are coming up
