I am starting to reexamine my relationship with my family. I think they might be my trigger. My family is not terrible, just not present in my life. They are proud or are outwardly supportive, but in the 53 days I’ve been sober, not a single family member mentioned it or asked anything about it.
I live in a different state and have had many significant life events that they don’t bother to show up to but expect me to take time off my job and pay for a ticket for their events. In the past, when I am around them, I get incredibly drunk. They almost encourage it, not once have they tried to intervene. A little part of me feels like they want me to fail so they can be there to pick up the pieces and play the hero in my life.
I’m spending Thanksgiving with my family, and they expect me to fly back a week later for my dad’s birthday. I stated that I wanted to go to Japan instead, and now I’m receiving the silent treatment. If they enjoy my presence so much, why don’t they ever reach out and check on me? Why is it always on my time and dollar?
Am I overthinking this, or should I cut off by family?
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I have exactly the same situation with some sibling favoritism thrown in. I’m supposed to travel to my nieces college graduation this December, pretty sure it’s not going to happen. I’ll get grief, but my own family has to come first. Also sibling and parents forgot my sons birthdays this past summer…yeah go figure. I hope you make choices for a better life for you. If people dont get that that’s on them. Good luck…
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I have had some experiences with family in the past that has shed light on my relationships with them. My grandparents adopted my mother and she was always the black sheep of the family. They never even liked her, there was a lot of abuse, sexual and emotional. When I was born, my grandparents made me the golden child. They are narcissistic. There is no such thing as unconditional love. I had to distance myself from them because they could not accept me for who I am - someone who is struggling and not perfect.
We can’t change other people, but we can change how we relate to them. If you need distance from family, then get some distance. Or maybe use the opportunity to talk with them? Would they be willing to discuss your concerns? Do you think you could share some of what you’ve told us with them?
Try not to immediately cut them out of your life. But definitely take some time to figure out if this relationship is beneficial or harmful to your sobriety and recovery. 
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