In SAA, we called that the marriage cure.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work for most of us.
Glad you’re becoming more aware of this @anon36296096. There is hope. you’ve got a lot on your plate already. So I understand why porn use may not hold as big of a priority as the substance abuse right now. That’s fine. Thanks for sharing and keep us informed.
Another night of struggles. I need to get used to these if I want to succeed at this. It’s just been so long since I’ve actually had to control myself and say no. It feels like I’m picking up a half a pound of weight every time I say no… And I’m starting to feel the weight.
Fighting for day five.
It was a tough night, but I’m clean.
This morning is the first in a long time that I’ve actually felt better about myself. It’s been a while since I’ve gone nearly five days without PMO and I’m optimistic looking forward.
Lately I’ve been reading scriptures with my sons in an effort to become closer to them and to feel the Holy Spirit in my home. I’ve since noticed a subtle shift in the atmosphere - it’s not as tense around the house as it used to be. I also notice I’m a bit more patient around my wife and kids. These are all good things. As the Chinese say, “Yi bu yi bu lai” (One part at a time)
Holding strong in day five.
Going into day six…
This is definitely a battle for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m running a marathon holding my breath, other times I feel great because I’ve finally taken the steps to be clean and sober, but every day is hard.
Yesterday I was sitting in my living room after dinner and had the sudden and intense desire to just Google something, ANYTHING that would lead to porn. I opened the browser, turned off the safe search, and… Put the phone down. This same scenario happened a few times yesterday, and each time it did I would either start looking for something else, or I’d put the phone down and walk away. I can’t say that my methods are perfect, and I still have my weak points, but I’m fighting it - which is more than I’ve done in a while.
Still in the game at day six.
Hey @BeardedSandMan, sorry I haven’t seen your earlier posts on here! I’ve been extremely busy with this last semester at college, which I feel has helped me along my own sobriety from PMO.
Yes indeed, this community is a strong one for fighting this. You mentioned searching for a reason and rationale to stick to this journey. I directly related to what you said above, that you’re staying away from it to feel something. That’s me.
I realized after four years of university at a school that’s more than 60% female, I hadn’t had the urge to ask someone out. That was scary to me. I used to be sociable. I used to want to get to know people more, but I fell into a place where the constant satiating effect of P use dulled my brain and nulled my ability to connect with others of the opposite gender.
I’m going on day 156 now, and I can attest finally that I truly feel that a fundamental shift is at least underway in my brain.
Last week, a friend surprised me at my work on campus (I filmed an important film for her, so we have a great working relationship), and low and behold, this one girl who was an extra on her set, a friend from her home town, was with her. I recalled the night before, recounting it to a friend, that I thought she was something special. Something about her energy was attractive. Yes, she’s also beautiful, but it’s something about her character, the ability she has to smile without alterior motive. It was a remarkable moment seeing her again so randomly, because we got a chance to chat, and not for one moment since have I actually had PMO-style thoughts about her. She’s just a really really cool person. I love that. For the first time in literally over 4 years, I want to take her to a concert in the city, or up a mountain on a hike, and I can genuinely say, that’s all with no sexual expectation, no core sexual motive, just a real interest in wanting to know more about her.
Something about these 155 days man. It surprised me a bit because I’d had my head down, pushing forward. Now, really, I don’t think I’m the past 2-3 weeks I’ve felt a proper urge toward PMO. I attribute meeting her properly with my decision to cut it out cold turkey 155 days ago.
I know various people on this forum come from various different religious backgrounds, but simply put, I do feel closer to G-d. It’s a fundamental part of Jewish learning, that women are naturally closer to G-d, so to me, it’s a mitzvah to be able to be closer to women without subversive and perverted motives, only human, social, respectful interest.
I’d wish you best luck man, but I don’t think you need luck, I think you start to really win against this thing with nothing but dogged persistence to warn that goal. Best strength man. Rooting for you. On to the next day.
I noticed something today while fighting for day eight - as a Christian, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I’ve been given the assignment to teach the gospel in Sunday school. We’re studying the epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians, and as I’m reading through the material, I came upon this concept of being edified by the spirit of God and edified by my brothers and sisters in Christ. I realized that because I have been fighting for sobriety and turning to the Lord for strength, and turning to my brothers and sisters here, I’ve been feeling this edification happening in my own life. I’ve felt the Comforter this week as I’ve fought and struggled for sobriety. My soul doesn’t feel numb or hollow anymore. I know I’m not perfect, and I’ve got a long road ahead of me, but edification takes time. Change takes time. But I know I can do it if I continue to lean on God.
Happy Sunday, brothers and sisters.
Here’s to the start of week 2.
It’s been eight days… And I’ve gotta say, I’m pretty tempted to start looking for garbage. I choose to stay clean tonight. I’m stressed, I’m triggering, but I choose to stay clean.
Struggling for 9.
Stick with it. Good job on not craving alone. This too shall pass.
Back to day one…
Being accountable is important. I commend that. The next few days after a slip is always hard. What are some healthy behaviors you can turn to instead of acting out? Can you use those tools next time you feel like acting out?
Might be time to start building up some layers of protection outside of sheer willpower. It’s a rare addict that can white knuckle through an addiction. For me, the extra few seconds to play the tape through or let the feelings pass or remember to pray make all the difference.
It’s good that you posted. Don’t stop checking in, especially on the hard days.
Thank you all for your support. To be honest, it’s been hard checking in over the past two days. I feel ashamed, foolish, weak, and full of regret… But you know what? I can do this. I’ve done it before, so I know I can go longer than 9 days. I’ll get back to that point and I’ll push through. Accountability is the key. The more I am honest about my struggles, real about how I’m feeling, and if I confront my demons with optimism, I’m sure to succeed.
Standing back up on day two.
He Guys
I cannot relate to your thing but all addictions work the same.
Willpower is not the answer.
I can recommend Amy Johnson
The little book of big change.
Was an eyeopener for me
Maybe try?
I think there are things you can do to increase your chances for success, but until you can truly be the master of your own domain, have you really recovered? If a drunk stops drinking because there’s simply no available alcohol anywhere, is he really sober?
You may be overlooking the fact that your brain needs a significant chunk of time away from porn before it can start to heal. 90 days at a minimum. Whatever your method, you’re not going to heal if you keep relapsing. With respect, however you go about getting that time in, it’s going to help much more than white knuckling a few days at a time.
But porn is unlike any other addiction isn’t it? Porn is a collection of images, videos, words, audio, etc. specifically created to excite, titillate, and stimulate sexual desire. When a drunk drinks alcohol, the body continues to reinforce the desire to drink, but if he spends time away from it, he can break free of the addiction. But porn burns it’s way into your memory. It carves images in your brain that can be recalled instantly without a moment’s notice. That’s why it’s so hard to overcome - the mere thought of it alone can destroy you. White knuckling is how I overcame it in the past, and it’s how I’m going to overcome it again.
Don’t get me wrong, I highly appreciate the advice and support… That’s why I’m here - for emotional support and accountability. Please don’t take my words for hostility… We each fight our battles in our own ways. I’ve tried the internet blockers, professional counseling, group therapy, sponsorship… The thing that worked best was turning to God for strength and finding my ‘why’. It’s all I know that works.
When comparing my addiction to others, I believe that there’s a lot more similarities than differences. And I respect that.
Focusing on the differences does not do a whole lot for me.
I disagree
Your urge to masturbate and your demons are the same that made me drink a bottle of wine every night to feel better.
I read a lot of books and this one was an eye opener over urges and that willpower only will never help you.
Your urges are produced from what they call your lower brain.
Which is also the part for automatic things like getting dressed and making coffee.
Its not intelligent.
It remembers that watching porn/ using drugs/ overeating etc helps you get relaxed…thats why it urges you.
Its not intelligent enough to realize its just making it worse.
I think its 10 dollar max.
Just try it?