I understand that statement so much.
It was true the treatment/therapy I followed that I have learned more about it. Addiction is an proven illness. WHO have accepted is as such and insurances cover recovery because it actually is.
It is to much to just share here but in essence it is partially something you get from generation before you. If parents have addictions we are about 40 to 50 percent more prone to get active addictions.
For me the King Baby theory from Freud gave much insight into my personal triggers.
This is where you need to realise that you will need to look out for you. You are not a flake, you are in recovery and it is going to take a bit of time for your body to heal from this.
So don’t be hard on yourself. Lots of self care and love.
And keep reaching out on here to us Stacey.
So I’m 3 days 12 minutes in! I didnt die at day 3 yeeeess!!! Today was a tough day not gna lie. I felt such a weight of guilt not fulfilling my responsibilities. I mean I think part of that is the degree to which they were slacking during using and the extension of that into my last few sober days. I tried to remind myself that this is part of it…I’m gna feel awful while my body tries to get back to homeostasis. Like feeling seriously hungry straight after a meal or fatigued as or like just woozy sometimes like I wanna pass out. I do recall similarities the last time I tried for real to get clean, it is quite bizarre (I can recognise when I dont feel like death) how amazing the body is in trying to get things under control.
Today I went to karate which was epic. And I managed 15minutes of study…which sounds pathetic…BUT its 15 mins more than I’ve done in a while and I feel good about that.
Last nights sleep was AWFUL but I’ve prepared with some magnesium before bed so hopefully that helps me get some actual sleep. Last night it was like I was half asleep the whole night! Like I was lying there thinking ugggh fall asleep!!! But not actually being able to. But when I tried to get up and do something I’d feel exhausted straight away so I’d try sleeping again but my body was NOT having a bar of it.
I’m a little nervous it may be much of the same tonight. But again, my body is tryna get to a state of “normal”, so I’m hoping if I stick to a good bed time and do my little night time routine enough times, hopefully I’ll get there. God help me! Because I can not deal without sleep. I will go nutty real quick!
So moving in to day 4, I am hopeful…I am…uhm…I guess maybe even a little excited? I dna it is probably waaaaaaaay too early to get excited about sobriety but yeah…part of me is anyway.
So I’m off to bed, I hope yal are doing A+! You will all be in my prayers again tonight.
I woke up soooooo tired BUUUT!!! I SLEEEEPT!!! YUSSS! I had such a nice sleep it was epic! I’m still feeling abit tired and abit flat. But definitely way better than the last two days.
So looks like I am working today…hmmm tbh I don’t really want to, but I think that’s just because I needa get back into the swing of things and I’m in sloth mode at the moment. I’m hoping that with some momentum I’ll get back on the horse.
I pray you all have a wonderful day and find something to be joyful for.
Endure the trenches sober soldiers, another day down!
So glad you got some sleep!! It makes so much of a difference when we can rest. Been a super busy day here at work for me. Just hopping on a sec for a break and saw your post. Hope you have a fantastic day! Even if you have to work.
Glad to hear you’re feeling a little better. Maybe work will keep your mind busy. I find I don’t have enough down time at work to thing about sobriety. It’s tiring but worth it in the end. Hang in there, you’re doing really well.
I just got home from my second meeting. Had a coffee with someone after which was nice.
I feel…raw. Theres a part of me that is really unhappy about my choice to get sober. I guess it means I’m gna have to actually sit with myself and I do not like that. Sit with thoughts and not react. Sit with emotions and not react. Sit with the uncomfortable and not react. I dont want to do that!
BUT I am another day in I think that’s what matters for now…little by little. I dont even want to think about what I’m gna have to do going into this…I’m scared. I’m happy im sober today. But I think I am more scared than happy.
Tempted as anything to do it…the urge is real atm.
But another day down so far. I think that’s a win.
This does get easier Stacey.
You might not think it right now, I know I didn’t in my first week. No matter what people were saying. I just couldn’t see it.
The fear you have is just that fear of the unknown.
The fear of not knowing what’s to come, what you are going to have to do so your addict mind is saying " just do the easy thing. Just use, you know it makes sense!"
This is the hardest thing that I had to do so far in my journey, saying no to myself when all it felt like I wanted to do was get drunk, drown out the crap in my head.
But, you know that it’ll still be there, using is not the answer!
Working through all the crap is!
Even if it’s painful.
Been there, it hurts!
But we all have the strength if we just dig down really really deep.
You are able to do it, Stacey. Just keep doing what you are doing, one day at a time.
Hi you!
The way you talk about it now is allready so much more calm then when “we met” on this forum. Your fears put a smile on my face meaning you are getting there. And we’ve all been there.
I can say you don’t have to be scared an all… That won’t help. What I can suggest is you write the emotions away you write the thoughts away. It clears the mind and lifts the weight. Talking to someone about those deep deep feelings has (for me) proven to be by far the best Way to cope. Don’t say you don’t want to anymore cause all you want is sobriety.
Wish me luck I have a lunch date right know waiting for her to show up SCARYYYYYYY
Gooood luck!!! Try to remember that you are trying to see how much you like her as much as you might want her to like you! Be you! Keep smiling and remember you are a beautiful human being! Go get em tiger!
P.s I will definitely write my feelings down. I’ve been avoiding it tbh…
Yes. Just ride the wave of emotions. Let yourself work through them.
It’s going to be hard and scary. The scary bit for me was knowing that there was a way out that was so easy if I wanted to.
And sometimes I was so close to just giving up, but I just dug a little deeper for the strength.
I guess if it’s your thing, pray, ask God to give you the strength. You will certainly find it there if you look for it.
I actually had a great time. Honesty was there told her all about my recovery and she was like well that’s that but that’s not the whole you. that felt awesome.
Anddddd we kissed. This was the first time since I am single I really wanted to kiss the date I was with. I am not the hookup type a guy.
Sorry for hijacking your topic and thank you for your loving words.
and thank you for your loving words.