You old charmer. Nice one. And you were sober to remember.
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And that is briljant!
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Omg what an awesome day everyone. Went to 3 meetings and spoke on a AA panel at a womens treatment facility. Thank you God for my life today. This is Francisco checking in with 132 days sober
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Well done!!! 
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Hi sober buddies,
Checking in at 4 days 22 hours 56 minutes. Wow okay so almost at 5. That is super suprising.
I had a bad sleep again last night, not sure why. I had my magnesium and stuff but it still went badly. I had an awesome day today though. It was difficult getting started. I woke up and was tired as and lazed around. But I eventually got the motivation to get to work, then I came home had a shower and went to help a friend with some family stuff for a few hours.
I mean, today has been one of the best in the last five. I can feel my body slowly trying to get to normal. I have to remember to eat because I just feel disgusting all the time so I just forget to eat. But I’m trying my best to keep at the basics too; sleep, food, exercise.
Something kinda cool happened today. My ex messaged me…feeling abit down. And for a brief moment I missed him and was halfway through the thought of maybe I should go see him…and before I finished the thought in my mind the sober soldier in me interrupted with a “NOPE!”. I said aloud in a prayer, “God I think I’m better off alone.”
Me? Codependent, I cant be alone, I need people to define my significance, earn their love with my deeds? I said aloud, I am better off alone…I have NEVER said nor thought that…but the addict in me took the back seat …and the sober soldier took charge in that moment.
“You want sobriety more than you want him…”, and you know what I think I meant it.
I dont know. It probably isnt a big deal to most people. But I have always defined myself by the opinions of the people around me. I’ve always intensely held onto people, at any cost. Sometimes at the cost of my faith or my dignity or my own identity…the list is endless and the cost great. But in that moment…I wanted God and me…full stop. And that for me is huge. Praise God for another day and another step closer to figuring who I am outside of an addict .
Thanks for reading. See you guys tomorrow 
Remember how beautiful you are 
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Swam! I am in tears over here… Sleep tight and remember these moments when you do feel bad!
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Are you okay?
That, Stacey is brilliant. Well done!
I know what you mean about having to find validation in other people.
It’s something I’ve spent a vast majority of this last year working on because it is part and parcel of my addiction.
Good for you.
Sleep well.
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Yes but your post gave me tears. It is so wholesome to see a fellow getting stronger.
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I couldnt do it without people on here to help keep me going. So thank you for being a part of that journey!
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And that works both ways really, I couldn’t do without you all as well.
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Thanks @anon12657779! Means alot. I think we all deeply long for significance…and where we go wrong is believing it is found in destructive places and people. But hey maybe it’s okay to learn and adjust in more helpful ways. I always furiously tried to scoop the dark out of my life…when all along I just had to switch on the light. Thank you for your support!!!
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There is something so satisfying about having people who understand. I cant explain it.
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Truly is. I explained it as no longer being alone… People who really understand addiction and most important don’t judge you for having the disease because of knowing. 
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If I’m honest…I dont think I’m at the point of considering it as an illness. I still carry alot of guilt for the choices I’ve made. And people have repeatedly said, your up-bringing, your trauma your this your that…like I was never in control. I struggle with that because while yes, those things impacted me…alot…almost consumed me infact…I always knew the difference between right and wrong and I chose wrong…over and over and over again…I dont know if this will upset anyone…so I’m sorry in advance if I do…but I dont understand how it’s a disease yet…
sorry team. My brain hears it but my heart doesnt get it yet.
What I hear is a women that is so strict on her self… And it is okay if you feel like this.
I for one think that WHO has more authority then me on deciding what is a disease or not 
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Stacey, don’t worry about that now. Just be where you are and accept it.
What has gone has gone.
This is me. Which is where I have the understanding that I have no control over alcohol.
Whether we see it as a disease or not is not important at first to my mind. You are still coming to terms with the fact that you need to stop.
This is where acceptance comes into play.
Where we are is exactly where we are supposed to be. Moving forward is the important part. How we make ourselves better people.
You are still early in your recovery.
The more you read and learn about it the more you will begin to understand how this affects us.
Like you I knew what I was doing, yet I still carried on doing it.
Have you got a copy of the big book?
It is full of so much good information.
It has certainly given me plenty to think about.
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Doing a little happy dance for you over here!! This is awesome & yeah, it’s a big deal!! You + God is more than enough. Keep getting better at getting better. 
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It’s a start.
I’m assuming that NA use the AA big book as they also use the 12 step program.
Just swap Alcohol for drugs, it’s all the same.
I would recommend reading it.
Other than that just go with what feels right.
Listen to your higher power/God.
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