360 canna free days today!!! Just 14 days Untill a fully sober year.
How you doing stace??
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How is everyone???
Hey everyone. Its rough for me to say this but I need to try be honest. I relapsed. I am on day 51 again. I have avoided my DOC for another 51 days but i did slip up again. I was ashamed and scared of rejection but I know i need to be honest. My sponsor has let me go. I am sad about that. I have other things going on at the moment too and to be honest I have an urge to use right now. I havent. Im not. Im clean just for today. But this is tough. My heart is broken. Im sad. Im down. But I am not defeated. I am clean today and thats what matters. I changed my title to number 7. Being honest and open about my lapse. But I want to keep going. I will post on the gratitude list. God is good all the time. And all the time…
God is Good.
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I Just started this book by Earnie Larsen.
Destination Joy.
This is what I read this morning. Thought I’d share.
“Some people are able to carry incredible amounts of pain and not relapse. Others aren’t. Relapse is as much a mystery as is the miracle of recovery. Why do some find ongoing recovery without relapse so difficult?”
“Relapse is always returning to the old way, the old lie, in an attempt to medicate life’s pain. Relapse always has the element of unfinished business, lies, and secrets.”
Glad you’re back. Your worth it. Try to be kind to yourself. And forgive the most important person you know. Yourself.
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You’re sponsor may have let you go but we won’t. You’re worthy of a happy life Stacey. Good for you for being honest with yourself, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Congrats on 51 days, it’s no easy feat.
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Honestly will always set you free. Relapse or not you are still doing amazing with 51 days. We are always here for you!! Keep at it girl. Keep learning and growing, you’ve got this! 
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Checking in on Day 53. Today was a day better than yesterday. I did some work. I got my nails done. I did eat some chocolate 
nom nom. I have some work to do at home as well so I can make some extra money. I wanna make some dinner but don’t know what. Im going to try a new routine of having a snack now then having my night meds and then having dinner afterwards. Ive been binge eating at night and in the middle of the night which is not doing me any favors. I am scared of my mom leaving Hamilton. Im heartbroken about my dad being ill. I got news of my own health being on rocky ground and long term. This week is rough. Last night I was tempted to use my DOC but I didn’t. The urges passed. Today not as much temptation. I have a swollen eye for some reason too. On a positive note I got accepted for a scholarship for biblical evangelism. Im excited about that but also scared. In the uncertain times like this there’s so much to be scared of without everything in my own individual life making me afraid too. But I think about what Phillipians 4:6-7 says,
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV
And i really feel like the peace of God which surpasses all understanding is what i need right now. Everything is uncertain. Im heavy and worried because at face value eveything seems so wrong. So wrong and scary. Im so tempted to curl into a ball and hide in a dark corner. But I have peace that God is in control and everything will be okay. I just need to take one day at a time. If I focus on Gods will for my life and surrender control i am at peace and unafraid. Focus is everhthing i think. Focussing on the wrong things can be catastrophic and devastating. Focussing on the right things brings healing and peace. I really pray you are all doing well today. Love you all
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Hey everyone.
I am fighting so hard not to fall back into the throws of active addiction. Its tough. My urges are so strong. I relapsed 60 days ago which I came clean about. And then just before my meetjng on Wednesday so maybe like the Saturday before, I don’t even know the exact date after I found out about my dad and my own diagnosis and distancing from someone close and having my dad call me after months…it all got so overwhelming i just went and got high. I dont even know if I have checked in since then. But im checking in now . Its not that I don’t wanna stay clean. I want that so badly but after relapsing 60 days ago and my sponsor dropping me I guess my latest relapse was easier because I felt like a failure anyway. Worthless. Alone. Heartbroken. Overwhelmed. I felt like the light I turned on a while ago was disappearing. Like someone had sprinted to the switch and flicked it off. Darkness consumed me. I failed. I gave in. I couldn’t fight anymore. Its like my fight was a close friend i got to know and the throws of my emotions scared her off and made her feel small. I want to become friends with my fight again. Apologise for my failure. Encourage her to stay eventhouvb the urge to leave me is so strong. I dont know. Im gna stop babbling. I dont know where my life is going but im here. Im here…
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Hi team.
Chdcking in on day 15. Half a month again. It’s not much but it’s something. My heart is in my throat atm. Life is pushing my limits for sure. But im alive . Im clean. Im busy. I have a chance to do better today than I did yesterday. I love you all. How’s everyone going?
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Keep fighting girl. You are so worth fighting for!!! One day at a time is all that matters.
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Thanks hun @crystalclear
Checking in on day 17. Its been a better week. I feel like my physical pain and emotional pain are a vicious cycle tbh. The more I hurt physically the more I hurt emotionally and so on. But I am grateful for today. Regardless of my circumstances I know God loves me i know God is good and I know he has a purpose for me. And thats enough to keep me holding on and fighting for another day clean. Ive been to work everyday this week. Ive followed through with all my commitments and I am not miserable. So today is definitely another day this week where things could be much much worse. Sobriety is definitely a fight. But i think it’s a fight worth having. I hope you are all doing well and shining today! All the love!
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Hey guys,
Checking in in day 21 almost day 22. Its been a good week. Ive been focussing o the Lord and prayer more. Remembering what God has done for me. I am so grateful today to be alive. Life is so short and the bible says its like a vapor. Before you know it its gone. My relapse wasnt the start if a downward spiral emotionally, it was the consequence of a downward spiral. My emotions were heading down, my attitude, my commitment, my drive, my will to live. And that lapse 3 weeks ago was a consequence of my mind not being right. The last few weeks I’ve been focussing on doing better than I did last week, and focussing on what I can be grateful for and renewing my mind from defeat to victory. No one ever said life would be easy, i mean none of us chose to be born, but here we are. I want to make the most of my vapor. I want to do something with my life and be better than i was yesterday.
How is everyone else doing?
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hey guys,
Missing you all @Lisa07 @Matt @ThajokerNL @DuncanNZ and all the rest if you!
Day 33, im tied so so tired. Been working out abit and my body is not a fan. But I gta keep at it to succeed for sure. Temptation has been pretty constant and im not liking that but I have accepted that as an addict that is my reality. My addict brain wants what it wants. Praise God for my 33 days though. I would have been well on my way to a year had I not slipped. Kinda bummed about that but it is what it is. I hope to get a good sleep tonight. Been abit rough lately. But atleast im not using my DOC and practicing discipline in other areas like food. I officially asked for some help to quit vaping so that is next in the list. But scared but uts something I do want
How are you lovelies doing? Sorry if I didn’t tag everyone I struggle to remember the profile names haha
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It’s great to see you posting Stacey. You’re making an awesome come back. Don’t get stuck on the past and remember that almost 6 months is not lost, it’s only a bump in the road of a long journey. I give you credit for quitting vaping. I hit 1 year of sobriety today and I’m not ready to go there yet. Vaping has been my saving grace. Sending you lots of love.
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Swaaaaaaammmm!
Hi! 
I’m doing good lovely. We are fortunate here in Canada to have a fairly balanced response to COVID and a pretty good overall social support system so that has helped significantly. Family and friends are safe and in good health.
Recently in my sobriety I have plateau’d a bit, feel a bit stagnant. Still doing good and steady, but the gains are not as noticeable. I am exploring new areas of growth, nature walks, being more involved in my community. We’ll see what comes of it.
I’m glad to hear you’re doing well love. How are things in NZ? How is your experience over the last month? It sounds like your sobriety is more and more present in your life, especially over the summer. How do you feel?
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Hiii 
NZ has is doing really well compared to the rest if the world i think. We are really blessed here. My mums moved to Hastings and my brother is soon moving to Wellington so I feel abit bummed about that but happy for them. But they are healthy so thats the main thing.
I’ve been feeling good over the last month actually. I recently switched of my TV and aside for like an episode of masterchef and some YouTube videos on Way of the Master (chrsitian encouragement) it has stayed off so that is awesome! Instead ive been working out and reading hahaha READING!!! I have never been an avid reader but im getting there haha. What is new in your side of the world? Congrats on having a stable sobriety and looking for ways to grow even further. It sounds like you’re going well!
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We are doing ok, Canada seems to be ok compared to countries in Western Europe and especially compared to the US. I am grateful for that. My family is physically healthy although the pandemic interrupted a lot of our rituals (Easter, Canada Day). However I’ve been able to supplement those with more physically distanced activities with family and a couple of (healthy, safe) friends: camping! I grew up canoeing and camping here, so to be able to do that really fed my soul.
We went apple picking today:
Lots of fun with some friends 
What sort of books are you reading?
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Oh isnt that cool!! I just helped a friend plant so flowers around her apple tree 
and set a moth trap thingy which releases a pheromone that confuses them and so they don’t hang around. So thats exciting wel have apples soon…well they will lol
Well the last one I read was called More than a Carpenter. The one im currently reading is called , " I Dont Have Enough Faith to be an Athiest" and the next one is called “Stealing from God” im super excited about it. I have never been a reader but since I’ve put the TV off…lol now i read haha
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Wow that’s some interesting reading! The book “I Don’t Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist” looks interesting especially, the way it kind of goes point by point. How are you liking it so far?
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Aw its brilliant! I dont read much. Like at all. But since I’ve practiced leaving the TV off its actually been so awesome. Im so tempted to out it on at the moment. My anxiety is especially high today. But I need to say no. And I’m just taking tonight step by step. Waiting for my kumara to cook now haha